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I may have received a veiled threat from a next door neighbor.
I bought a new house months ago in northern California. When I was working in the yard, a next door neighbor approached me and we had a good long converation last Friday. Now I remember he said something about his brother. Years ago they had an ElCamino and they chased hippies in Idaho and it was fun. He said his brother may come to live with him. He didn't sound threatening and at the time I thought he was talking about fun times going to parties and things when he was young. Another time he told me that he saved money in housing costs by living out of a car. He is about 40 years old, has short hair and I'm fairly sure he is single. He said he grew up in the bay area of California and he is lucky his mother owned a bunch of houses.
Today I searched the phrase "chase hippies" on the Internet and find that in almost every case it means to make threats or attacks on hippies and/or force them to run away. I have very long hair, a short beard, dress somewhat conservative, never do drugs, almost never drink, and interested in computers and vegetable gardening. I wonder if he is a threat if he thinks any man with long hair are hippies?
Does it seem like a threat?
What should I do?
Honestly.. I can't say for sure. But also, consider that he friendly talked to you... he is a grown man, he no longer has an "El Camino", he told you about it. And he has been friendly to you. Unless he is mentally disturbed, or he hates long hair, or he hasn't grown up a bit, I don't consider it a risk. I wouldn't worry until he or his brother show a sign of threat.
Also, you are not a hippie, you dress opposite from hippie, you shower, you don't do drugs, you don't walk barefoot and you have a job. Relax, I really think its too much concern. Just keep an eye open
I'm worried and think I'll have to move because I don't have good people skills.
Of the 4 contacts he initiated, one was on Sept 11, 2002 and the conversation I discribed was on Friday the 13th, 2003.
When I was working in my back yard on landscaping he looked over the fence and said hi or something and we started talking. Without asking, he climbed over the fence. After talking a few minutes in my yard before he left though the side gate. I was never offended during his visit but now I wonder if I'll have to ask him to stay out of my yard?
I don't know why he would tell anyone he and his brothers were chasing hippies--isn't that a hate crime? He also has served in the military.
I don't have a regular job because of a disability. A reason he may not like me is because I get along better with computers than people. He is a people person. And, maybe the very long hair and a vegetable garden is enough to be considered a hippie. Because of the urban problems, I wonder if it would be better to move to a rural area to get less expensive housing and get away from it all.
If he talked in a friendly manner, I think he is OK.
If, on the other hand, he had been avoiding you and giving you
some quick, suspicious glances...well, THEN I'd be a bit concerned.
Carry on...be a good neighbor and pray his brother is OK too...and...
Good luck!
I'm more likely to avoid him. He is a people person who has probably talked to all the neighbors near our houses. I don't have good enough social skills to keep up.
God doesn't intervene. I need to do something or decide not to do anything. Maybe I'll write to him and ask about that very disturbing story. Maybe I should just move. There must be a better place to live.
There's word that Rogaine, the stuff that helps bald people grow hair, has paranoia as a side effect.
I hope you haven't used that to speed up your hair growth. :}
...it'll sure be easy to find him if he does something to you.
Probably just gas ... but you could talk with him a bit more and see if it comes up again.
I'd probably laugh harder...Lol
As a former hippie I would not worry about it, but I would
keep a watchful eye out for potential problems down the road.
In the 60s I had long hair, was always barefoot, never did drugs, protested the war, etc. I was a true long haired hippie,
now in 2003 I still have long hair, and haven't had any problems with
neighbors or others.
Still it might be a safe bet to keep a cell phone handy......
I think I'll move. It's not worth paying so much money for a house where I can't feel safe. There must be some place better than this.
Is this a troll thread?
No.
If you have excellent social skills, you probably can't understand because stuff like this just doesn't happen to people with good communication abilities--or at lease they can interpret and respond fast enough to figure out what the person meant when he said somethign that could be a threat.
The real issue is rather or not I should refinance a place that I'm not really happy with, or sell for tens of thousands more than I paid for it and buy a less expensive place in a rural area and maybe get along better with the new neighbors.
I can't advise on whether to stay where you are or move, but I
would point the economy is really bad here. In recent years a house
would go on the market and sell in one day at incredibly high prices.
Now that same house will stay on the market for many months and may
sell for much less than what you want.
I would not sell now, if you do move you may want to
consider renting the old house rather than sell it at a loss.
You mention "or sell for tens of thousands more than I paid for it."
Check comparable housees in your area to find out if this is really the case now. This is not a good time to sell around here, too many
around here are scared they will be laid off tomorrow.
Thanks for the suggestion. Maybe prices will go up more if I wait. Prices in places like Sacramento, Chico, and Redding have gone up because people reaching retirement age are moving to here from the bay area. They sell their 400k houses in the bay area and buying less expensive houses here for about 250k or so.
Well I said that due to your seemingly hasty decision from a passing comment. It's interesting that you don't seem to think that you have very good social skills or the ability to figure things out because it seems like you are interpreting and responding incredibly fast. Maybe too fast for your own good if you have to uproot your life due to a few words that weren't openly directed at you from a neighbor who has not demonstrated any actual malice towards you.
I don't know you and maybe you are a somewhat skittish person, but from what you told us I don't see any reason to sell your house and run away (there are mean people everywhere, you just have to learn to get along with them and then they aren't so mean anymore).
You don't have to be good at quick comebacks, just be a good neighbor.
How can I get along with someone who won't leave me alone and maybe commits unprovoked hates crimes against men with long hair? Some people are provoked to harass simply by the target being shy or having a social phobia or avoidant personality disorder.
My thoughts of selling the house are not new. When I was shopping for the house I bought about a year ago, I seriously considered a rural area because of lower prices, larger yards and more acceptance of long hair. I often wonder if that would have been a better choice.
It wasn't just one thing the neighbor did or said that caused my suspician. He initiates the conversations and the timing is suspicious. It was on September 11, 2002 when he left a note at my door when I couldn't answer. It was Friday the 13th when he talked of "chasing hippies". He approached me when I was working in the yard where I can't avoid him--We talked over the fence one time and the time last Friday he climbed over the fence after he started the conversation.
About a month ago whe I was moeing the front lawn he came out to sit in his car in the driveway and listen to the radio for I don't know how long. Last fall when he had people helping with cement work in his back yard, some of the workers sometimes blocked my driveway with their truck--I didn't complain because I figured they were just busy getting work done and it's good to see people investing in their houses.
If I stay, I figure I will have to spend money on doing a background check on him and his brother and probably ask them to stay off my property. Also I'll need to refinance the mortgage which is a considerable cost.
Sounds like you have been living nex to this guy for a long time now. I mean seriously, if he did not like you, he would have already done something malicious. Sounds to me he is trying to get to know you. He shared a past-time with you in a friendly manner. Neighbors that do not like other neighbors, usually simply ignore you, call the police on you about any little thing, no matter how frivolous it may be. So he climbed the fence. Tell him to go around the fence if it bothers you. Workers commonly block driveways in my neighborhood. You cannot link the workers with your neighbor, he isn't blocking your driveway. He sat in a car to listen to the radio, and? Sometimes my wife goes out to the car to listen to the radio because the station comes in better in our cars than in the house. You have not said anything that this guy has done in the past year that is suspicious of anything malicious. I think what bothers you the most, is that he told you what he use to do to "hippies" a long time ago. Maybe he should not have shared that honesty with you, but if it bothers that much, why not tell him that your concerned? Ask him how he feels about you or about "chasing hippies" today? As you stated, your shy with no social skills, at least that is what you said. This is why he is initiating all the conversations, because you are not. Maybe he feels you do not like him.
Is what I don't understand is that if he thinks I don't like him, why would he keep going out of his way to keep approaching me? It seems he'd be asking for trouble or has a death wish if he thinks I'm really paranoid. As it stands now, I can't trust him. And my bringing up what he said about chasing hippies would show more distrust or give him an excuse to esculate tensions or fears. If I tell him to back off in one way or another, it seems I'd be just adding fuel to the fire.
With other people, when I get a chance to explain things they usually understand, but some just don't understand.
Thanks EVERYONE for sharing ideas and helping me explore communication failures that could have caused the possible threat.
Please remember that long hair did not cause the problem. If I had short hair, and my next door neighbor intended to make a veiled threat, he probably would have said something about gay hunting, harassing nerds or any other name hate mongers tend to use.
Anyway, the other neighbors seem a lot more understanding about the problems of shyness. Instead of picking fights and beating people down, they seek to help people overcome shyness.
That you found an affectionate neighborhood, and although your neighbor used to find fun in picking on others (he was bluntly telling you that he previously picked fun at long haired men), that they are accepting of ANYONE as long as they take care of their yards and are respectful.
You may be "the one who broke the camel's back" in the neighborhood. Show them that a long hair can be respectful; take good care of the house and yard. I would believe that's all "they" want.
Turn some heads! In a GOOD way!
I don't believe the neighborhood is aligned against me. I think my yard looks better than average, and other yards have looked much worse than average.
If he is harassing me, I figure it's one of these reasons:
1. He hates long hair.
2. He hates "computer people".
3. He hates shy people.
4. He is simple a jerk who can't get people to like him.
I get along with other neighbors and would rather spend more time with them. This problem with my next door neighbor has actually caused me to delay contacts with other neighbors and delay work on my back yard landscaping project. Maybe "slowing me down" or "beating me down" a tactic he is using in attempt to ostracise me from the neighborhood. I'm investigating his background and seeing if other neighbors are having the same problems with him. I'm still trying to figure out what to say if there is a confrontation the next time he approaches me when I'm working in my yard. He didn't say anything about a 4th of July block party another neighbor is planning and informed me about--maybe he wasn't contacted.
Tim,
I'll respond to what you posted on here and what you posted on that other web board on this subject together. You asked that I reply to you here.
I have a lot on my web site supportive of longhairs. Surely you know I am a friend. I presume that is why you tried to establish contact. But you then distrusted me so much you did not want to tell me your AGE? That set off an alarm here, dude. The questions asked on that mail form, put there to thwart spam bots, were chosen because they're ones you'd tell any stranger in a bar. If you can't get that level of "close" to someone, how can you expect any rapport, or help?
Taking everything together, it appears to me that perhaps you have fallen into a trap of being so distrusting of people that you no longer know who your friends are. I wonder if maybe this has caused you to not have enough friends, and that could be the root of your problem. If you had longhaired buddies over at your place all the time, your neighbor would quickly realize that what goes around comes around, and he'd cool his heels with his rhetoric on longhairs. Friends would also help you read the meaning into what that neighbor has been saying. However, you won't ever get people to be your friend if you don't trust them. Meanwhile, it's through your friends that you learn who to trust. Yup! Catch 22.
We've learned on here that support on the web board is nice, but it doesn't hold a candle to support in the flesh from people in the area where you live. People are the same everywhere, and your neurological condition will be the same everywhere. No point in moving. Work on making friends where you are.
I also live in northern California, and I also have a neurological impairment that makes it hard to understand people. In my case my hearing is garbled and so are faces. I know first hand how not understanding people can be isolating, and how one can always be thinking the worst about people if one is not proactive in squelching such usually-erroneous thoughts. I'd be glad to chat with you more (maybe even meet up with you sometime), but the web board is not the place. You'll have to trust me enough to work your way all the way to the bottom of that form. I am a friend. A longhair friend.
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