new thread
I thought I posted this before but noticed it was not posted. In any even, here goes again.
I had the experience of trying out for a local rotary show with my 15 year old daughter in the "Sound of Music". My daughter sort of convinced me. I got up spontaniously (sp) and sang Edalevice(spP and thought I did pretty good. tonight I went there for the 2nd time and got asked if I wanted to read. Before I could answer, the director which is female asked me in front of the entire cast if I would be willing to cut my hair for the part. I immediately said no and she would not let me read. Instead she simply ended the readings and closed the set. It made me upset but at the time I said nothing. My hair is well past my shoulder blade all one length. I generally wear it in a ponytail or one braid down my back. My goal is to have it long enough to sit on. I simply love wearing my hair long. It will take about two years more growth to get it that long. In any event, my daughter pleaded with me in the car to cut my hair because it was important to her that I be in the play with her i.e. father daugher closeness etc. I really wanted to do that but know if I cut my hair I will regret it after the play is over. I would have to have a ken/attorney haircut and will hate it. I was forced to wear my hair like that as a kid and hated it then. I know I will hate it today. I am flexible about many issues and concerns except my hair. I guess I am asking for support and suggestions? Are there wigs and hairdressers out there that could give the illusion of short ken/attorney type hairstyes and still keep my hair long?
It's pretty sad that your hair and your personal vanity are more important to you than your daughter. You're a grown up.
it's also sad that you have to hide your criticism behind an anonymous identity. in case you didn't notice, this board is for support of men with long hair. the issue at stake is more complex than vanity. it's sad that you don't seem to grasp that though you're a grown up too.
This is not about being a grown up its about a relationship with my daughter and being true to myself. I don't appreciate being judged harshly by you especially when you do not know all the facts. I believe that I need to be true to myself even when there is pressure to do the opposite to please the "public". That is one of the reasons I grew my hair to be me. Being grown up has nothing to do with it. Perhaps you are speaking about yourself. You got it I am damm mad at your comment. If you can't be supportive please don't respond or comment.
this was in response to 'anon', not you! got your e-mail, too.
Joe,
Last time I checked, children don't dictate how their parents should dress. Even so, I admire the energy you're putting into the relationship with your daughter. (....I was raised on a barstool...) That stupid director is totally out of line to drive a wedge between you two, I wouldn't tolerate that shit for a single second! Blow it off, take your daughter snowboarding and go up on the mountain with her....that ought to WOW her!
Racer
Just a few things to say. First I find it irritating that people are still being asked to cut their hair just to suit a role. I'm sure that there are probably 'skull caps' and or wigs out there that can do the job but alas I never had the need for one so I can't help there. I'm sure the local costume shop can help out with that.
As for the comment by 'Anon'....what is he teaching his daughter about self-image and acceptance if he cuts his hair to fit into what someone else thinks is correct? Yes yes I know it is "just a play" but teaching a child to accept who they are and accepting other people's differences has to start somewhere. You don't even know this fellow well enough to assume how much he cares for his daughter. Maybe they do other things together that prove their love for each other. Don't sit there and belittle or judge a person based on ideas you create in your mind.
This board is for advice and support to longhaired people and this is the firsttime that I have read a supportive comment like the one Anon had made.
I hope all turns out well Joseph, please post with the decision you make.
In the light of Raj's findings, please consider these other words of yours and their real import:
Man, are you going to cower, or are you going to stand up for yourself? Would you really affect your appearance for five years - an appearance you really want - to appear in a brief play?!? This is not about the length of your hair, dude, it's about domination.
As Raj has found, long hair on a man signals to many a man who will not kowtow. This ruffles the feathers of those, such as the director and your daughter, who are insecure and want to cover that up by dominating others. The more hair you have, the bigger a prize you are for such people. But you have the greatest power, because you can say "No!" to them and hold your longhaired head high!
Because the real issue is domination, my reply to suggestions that you cut your hair would be in the vein of "Absolutely not!" Sacrificing my personal identity to satisfy someone else's domination needs is not for me an option. Further comments would be optional, depending on how much the various people and activities meant to me:
Since you care for your daughter, you might wish to explain your reasons. If she truly loves you, she would not want you to be weak, or unhappy, either, and she will support you on this. Members of healthy families don't want others in the unit to be weak or unhappy! Then if the two of you want to be in the play, it's time to raise all kinds of hell over the incident, together.
If she does not support you, then you surely would not want to cut your hair for such a person! And I can't imagine why you would want to be in the play with her, or have much of anything else to do with her, either. But since she's your daughter, read on....
As for your daughter (forget the director - she means nothing to you), keep in mind that young people go through a phase where they reject and put down Mom and Dad. This is a confusing time for them, and she may just be dealing with her own problems of insecurity and needs for assertiveness in this quirky way. So you may out of love and compassion want to accept her temporary quirkiness. But don't acquiesce to her needs for domination. You don't want her putting down Dad. That will not do either of you any good.
Randall
One other comment from me:
If you cut your hair, don't believe you'll necessarily get the part. You may just join the long list of longhairs, that, once dominated, find that they "don't get the job", or "get fired anyway", despite their haircutting. After all, they didn't respect you much or they wouldn't have suggested you cut your long hair, but once they've brought you down, they will respect you even less. So you might just be in a worse position than you were before.
It's something to seriously ponder....
Dear Joseph,
I am so sorry you are having to go through such turmoil because of something as personal as choice of hairstyle. It's a shame that witch can't judge you on the merits of being a good father, which is vastly more important in my view.
As for your daughter's disappointment, this too is completely unfair; however, she is old enough to understand that giving in to such unwarranted pressure is simply not acceptable since it only tends to fuel the pressurers' drives to control the lives of others. Just talk to her and tell her how wrong it is to be bullied into anything; then assess the importance of this particular show and see if it alone is worth giving up your ground . I believe that if you look, you will find alternative avenues for the father-daughter bonding experiences that will be better suited for the two of you. I'm just afraid that the long lasting effects of the play in question will be far from the perfect experience that your daughter envisions.
Best of luck to you and her, whatever you decide.
Tina
Hi there,
I see there are already some very good suggestions posted (excluding the one stating to the effect your vanity is more important than your daughter). My experience with teenagers (from friends who have them) is this is a very trying time for them (self-identity and all) and they will jump through hoops just to feel they fit in or be popular, so I can understand why your daughter doesn't think much of your hard-earned hair length. BUT, there is a very strong principle here that she has to realize and that is what you think of yourself is important. And I agree with Bill's response, just because you lop off the hair doesn't guarantee you'll get the part. I've had this done to me before in the music business. If this director truly wanted you, I think she would have suggested alternatives. You could slick your hair down with gel (plaster it to your back) wear it inside your shirt and wear a short wig. Getting back to your daughter, just your wanting to participate with her says a great deal. She has to learn that there are things that are important to a person and she has to learn to respect that. I will say the same to my daughter if she ever asks just as I hope she doesn't jump through hoops to please other people. If she wants to lop off her hair for someone fine, but not to expect that of someone else. My experience with this is when you do give in people either ask more and more of you or they just plain don't appreciate it. This isn't as much about vanity as it is being yourself at all cost. Tell your daughter that you understand her desire that you participate with her, but explain to her that your hair is an important to you. Also, tell her that you would be interested in trying out for some other plays in the area with her. There's always more than one show in town and perhaps a more understanding director. Try the wig thing and see what the director says. Keep in touch.
Chaeya
Chaeya:
Thanks much for your support. I appreciate your words and sincere understanding of the situation. Your are right, this is not about vanity but about being true to yourself and having a genuine relationship with my daughter. At the same time being a role model about being true to yourself. I have decided to not cut my hair. I love my hair, its part of me. I attempted to call the director last night. I left a message on her voice mail and she never returned my message. I wanted to ask her about the wig thing. I do believe what others have said that by asking me to cut my hair in front of my daughter and the entire cast put my daughter in the middle.
Good for you Joseph. You've been a very good sport by calling the director and attempting to find other solutions to the hair thing. She could at least have been considerate enough to call you back. Doesn't sound like she's a nice person to work for at all. You and your daughter deserve better than that.
Good fortune to you!
Chaeya
I agree with what Racer suggested on December 8th, find some other activity you and your daughter can enjoy, such as snowboarding.
Maybe the Lions Club accepts longhaired participants in their shows? Support organizations that accept long hair and boycott those that don't. It makes no sense to continue volunteering your time to an organization that isn't a good influence to the community.