new thread
I feel that men are suffering everyday because their self expression has to be surpressed because many people in our society are ignorant, shallow, and have double standards. I am sure that there are millions of guys out there that, if it was more acceptable, would wear their hair in long and/or feminine styles. i am one of those guys. I would love to have a shoulder length bob with bangs and blunt cut ends, but due to pressure at work, at home, and in society I am reluctant to let my hair grow out. I take very good care of my hair and it is now in a layered style that is close to a layered bob. Women everywhere today are getting very short male cuts and this is readily accepted, yet men are not readily accepted if they have long and/or feminine hairstyles.
What should guys like me do? I would love to have that long bob that I could style in different ways and decorate it with accessories. I would love for my hair to flow and move when I turn my head. What do we have to do to be accepted in society with hairstyles that have traditionally been for girls. They are wearing our hairstyles so why can't we wear theirs? This same basic argument can be said about clothes as well. I welcome all opinions and comments.
Dear Jamie:
Sadly, your observations about women's choices being so much broader and more accepted than men's is so true and will continue to be as long as we, as a society, allow ourselves to be pressured into compliance by those who thrive on imposing their own ideas of the "proper" image onto others. Just who elected these people to such grand ranks? Certainly not me nor you, so quite frankly you should not care what they accept and do what you want with your hair. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders; you deserve to have the hair you want to go with it.
Acceptance of new or updated ideas usually depends on the majority and up until now, THEY have held that position. Until enough of you guys say "enough" and overturn their "ruling", things will not change. Consider yourself a soldier for the cause of personal choice and wear your hair in a bob which is an excellent choice in my opinion. Yes, you will get the "girlie" remarks from the ignorant oppressors, but so what? You were not put on this earth to impress them; and trust me, there WILL be admirers to strengthen your resolve along the way. Not only will you get satisfaction from being true to your own personal conviction; you can also be proud to help pave the way for a new, more enlightened society for all those who will come after you.
This is such an old, ridiculously unproductive issue, that I am urging you and others like you to stand up NOW; let's ALL have freedom of choice of hairstyles NOW and maybe then we can move on to face some REAL problems facing society.
Best of luck to you in this endeavor; I truly hope you find peace in being true to yourself. Admirers like me are out there cheering for you!
Tina
Tina,
I appreciate your comments and support. You are right when you ask who appointed these Know it alls to dictate everyones appearance. I am jealous that girls have so much more to choose from in hairstyles, hair accessories, and clothes. I want these freedoms to. I don't mind getting the "girlie" comments. If my bob hairstyle were to make me look like a girl then so be it as long as I like it and I know that I will. So you think that a bob style on a guy is appropriate? I just love the look and movement that this style seems to have, not to mention the many different ways that you can style it.
So what is the first step to STANDING up for this equality? I am letting my hair grow out now. I have a girlfriend that i love, but she keeps pressuring me to get it cut because of what others might think. Can you come up with a good way to convince her that a pretty bob style is not inappropriate for a guy and that she should let me try it? I want to start a revolution in hair and fashion, but one person in a small conservative southern town can do little to change the views of the masses. Any suggestions/comments are welcome.
Thanks again for the support.
Dear Jamie,
I just had to smile a little when reading your last entry....not many people can claim to actually be obsessed with hair, but it sounds like you might be. I know I am. It's not just the look or the statement or even a combination of the two; it goes further than that...into a feeling that one gets from the gently moving locks as it caresses the face, bare back and shoulders; it's a comforting feeling combined with the knowledge that you look good and have stood your ground against those who would like to strip you of this very personal choice.
I understand only too well what you are up against where you live. I, too, live in a small, southern conservative town (sounds like we might be neighbors) that time seems to have forgotten. All I can tell you is to continue growing your hair...you might have 9 negative responses (which you should ignore), but that 10th one will be the positive one that carries you through and makes it all worth while. In the meantime, some other guy who feels just like you will see your determination and you will be his strength; soon the two of you will be visible inspiration to others and your numbers will begin increasing geometrically. As I mentioned before, it won't be easy for you, but if no one wants to start the ball to rolling, all you and others like you will have are regrets to look back on. You sound like the hero type and I'm counting on you to prove me right.
Finally, the situation with your girlfriend needs to be addressed. Does SHE LIKE your hair on you? If so, she really needs to be convinced that a principle is at stake here and it's worth fighting for. If she really doesn't like it, you need to evaluate your relationship and determine whether a compromise agreement can be reached between the two of you. I'm sure you wouldn't want to see her shave her head; but if she really wanted to, you would have to live with it or move on... it's the same with her preferences; if she really does not like guys with long hair, she needs to live with it or go elsewhere. I'm sure if she loves you, she can grow to love and appreciate your hair as well.
I wish there was a quick, easy answer to give you, but there's not. I am pulling for you and if there is anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Sincerely,
Tina
Wow! It is a small world. If you don't mind telling me, where are you? I am going to give growing my hair out into a beautiful long bob a try. I may not succeed on the first attempt ( I may give in to pressure) but I think that I will get there. I can't wait to be able to feel my hair flowing and touching the bottom of my neck. When I get there I think that I will also experiment with wearing my hair in hairbands and maybe barrettes and things. I think that you are right about the other guys, but this is the south and it is real hard to change these conservative people. I need your support as well as others. I hope to keep our lines open. If you come up with any good ideas for styles or a cool way to get by with letting my hair grow out please let me know.
Thanks,
Jamie
I'm sorry it took me this long to respond to your last posting, but I'm sure you understand that this holiday has had everyone pretty busy.
To answer your first question, I'm from central Alabama...Clanton to be exact...it's the ideal place for a movie to be made about what scary things can develop from misplaced religious beliefs. If you live ANYWHERE else; you can consider yourself spared from living in the harshest judgemental climate in the south (and that's saying alot).
I truly hope that you can find your way clear to continue growing your hair; but if you feel you have to give in at first, just remember, we are all out here pulling for you and we won't give up on you for such a temporary setback as a haircut.
I do; however, expect to hear from you at some point about how GREAT your long-awaited bob looks and feels and how you wish you had done it sooner. Then I can say "I told you so" and we can chalk up
another victory for freedom of personal choice. I can't wait....can you?
Best wishes
Tina
Tina,
It is nice to hear from you. You are located pretty close to me. I live in east central al. Near auburn. Cool! Well, I think that I am going to have to give in and get a trim. Nothing drastic. I am going to get it cut in a short bob that curls under just below my ears and stack cut in the back. How do you think that will look. Pretty? Well it will do for now until I can get everything totally one length and let it grow out. I just have so much pressure from friends, family, girlfriend, etc to cut my hair that I am almost forced to give in. I wish that you could let them know that there are girls out there that like guys with long and even feminine styles. Maybe that would ease the pressure. Hope to hear from you soon.
Jamie
Hi Tina...Love your attitude, I am 51 now and finally started thinking for myself and my hair is longer and looking good. I have had nice compliments on it and no negative stuff except for family and that was not much. My prepared statement for oppisition is "IF YOU DON'T LIKE it , DON'T LOOK AT IT". Have some other responses but I will be nice here. Look at TLHS the long hair site on the web and click on LOUISE MARIE LONGHAIRS page, go to testimonials and read the whole list, it will really do something for you. Louise Marie is a real sweet longhaired lady and is so supportive of us, love that woman. Live your life and don't let others take it away from you guys.
Dear Randall,
Thanks for your kind remarks. I am interested in reading the information you suggested but I'm relatively new at all of this internet stuff and I don't know where to go to read it. Could you possibly send a link to my e-mail address?
Thanks for your time and help on this material.
Sincerely,
Tina
I'm new at this too Tina, a lot of stuff out there. Try this HTTP://WWW.DOCTORLONGHAIR.COM , once you are in her site you can move around, she has a lot of info. and it is awesom. Let me know how it goes. Bye for now. Randall
...click on LOUISE MARIE LONGHAIRS page, go to testimonials and read the whole list, it will really do something for you. Louise Marie is a real sweet longhaired lady and is so supportive of us, love that woman. Live your life and don't let others take it away from you guys.
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I also have reached the Louise Marie Longhair site, Randall. She's in
Toronto, and I'm in Ottawa. Had I an independent soure of income, I'd move to TO in a flash, grow my hair as long as I can, and visit
Louise Marie. However, reality has set in, and I must wait for that
package of wealth first.
OM
Sweetie, you just have to do it. Society is for people with no imagination. Eventually when a person gets tired of "baa-baaing" the same realizing they want to be different, they go out and do their own thing. But you have to realize that this is your life and you make the rules as to how its done. That's one of life's most beautiful gifts and greatest secrets is that we decide what we want to do with our life and the Universe supports us on it. If you want a long bob and you feel good about it and seek not the opinions of others, then you attract people who support your hair, your wearing barretts and so on. When you do it but feel unsure and subconscious about it, then you attract people who criticize you. Being rather eccentric all my life, I've had first hand experience with this. Now that I feel good about myself, my hair, my clothes and choices, I have nothing but people around me who give me compliments and support me as opposed to the time in my life when I had low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence when I attracted people who put me down and made fun of me.
I understand what your sayng, it is sad that the media, the professional world and the social "norm" leaves little choices for men these days when women are infiltrating their style. The best thing you can do is find the group of people who feel as you do and hang with them. They're out there. You aren't alone.
Chaeya
Chaeya,
I want to go for it. I would really love to sport a one length bob that turns under about 2 inches below my ears. I need support to give me a kick in the butt. Another thing is my girlfriend whom I love. She pressures me to get my hair cut because it looks too much like a girls hairstyle to others. I think that is a compliment because that means that I have pretty and healthy hair. I don't want to hurt her but I desperately want a pretty bob. What should I do? How do I convince her to let me at least try it? Who/what can give me the kick that I need to overcome the restraints of societies norms and just do it?
The only thing I can tell you here is basically what everyone else has been saying to you on this board. That is, you must feel secure and support yourself on this one. You can't rely on others to be your support system here. Jeff L. (JL) has pretty much hit it on the nose for you and you should listen to him because he is in a profession which normally demands conservatism. As for your girlfriend, you two need to talk. If hair is the only issue in your relationship which causes friction, then there has to be some sort of compromise. If hair is in addition to a number of things you both have problems with, then you need to evaluate your relationship and whether you need to stay in it. I am currently involved with someone now and hair was one of the things we talked about and he has agreed to grow it for me as long as I want. If he had wanted to leave it short as it is now, I would accept that and would speak no further on the subject. If he wanted my hair short, I would have to say no and he would have to live with it because feeling good about myself is the most important thing of all to me. Regardless of all this, you need to make a decision and figure out what's more important to you and discuss your intentions with your girlfriend. I will say that if she truly loved you, she would respect your wishes and leave you alone about it. I can understand how she feels, but she needs to also evaluate what long hair does for her and can she look beyond it. Keep us posted.
Chaeya
Don't mind if i ask what is your gender??? Coz lots of confusion is there...if you don't mind( it's not a must).
Sam
I am a guy and proud of my pretty bob haircut even if it is feminine and girlish. It looks good and I love the way that it moves when I turn my head. I also like to wear it in hairbands and barrettes sometimes.
Jamie:
I agree with Chaeya and Tina but from my perspective, I finally came to the realization that life is too short and by the time you figure out that long hair is your choice and it means more to you than anyone else, your wise, in control and bald!!! It is the fortunate male that can grow his hair long at 40 or 50 when he really comes to his senses and realizes that he should please himself first and the hippocrates of the world can go screw. I personally think that a lot of the crap you get about long hair from other men is from envy. As a physician, between Propecia and Viagra, let me assure you, there are a lot of men out there that don't talk about it in public but behind closed doors, I hear all kinds of anxiety, hangups and obsessions about long hair etc.
I have a layered bob to about 4 inches below my ears and I have not had one negative comment in at least 9 months! This has surprised me but I am established, have a reputation and am finding being different very fashionable. In fact, the longer it gets, the stronger I feel about keeping it long.
The other problem is, as it gets longer it requires, if you have the certain hair type, more time especially in the morning and most men, do not have the luxury of spending time in the morning to make it look good. On the other hand, women can disguise their hair with a million accessories, clips, hats etc. We have to bare it all! JL
Dear Jeff:
Bravo to you and your enlightened views! You have apparently cleared a HUGE hurdle with your hair in your profession. I wish you continued success, both professionally and with your ever-longer head of hair!
Tina
Jeff,
I think that you are lucky. You are right on about the getting old and bald before you do what you really want to. I am 27 and have a full, thick, healthy head of hair. I would love to have your length and cut. How/what helped you decide to just go for it? Did your co-workers and friends and family shun you to start with and try to talk you into getting your hair cut? Also, I have a girlfriend that I really love that pressures me constanlty to get my hair cut because she is afraid of what others think. She tells me that my hair looks like a girls (which I take as a compliment because that means that it is pretty and healthy)and that everyone will make fun of me. i personally don't care if it does and if they do, but I don't want to hurt her. What do I do?
Jamie: I always admired long hair- I just decided that nothing and no one had a "power" over me to dictate what I really want or who I am! It just took about 30 years of adult life to come to that conclusion. Some of us learn sooner and others never learn- these are the ones I enjoy ignoring. If they have to dwell on something superficial like the length of my hair, they probably have a hard time even looking at themselves in the mirror. Go with your heart and frankly if your girlfriend loves you, she will support you for thesake of love. If not, there are many other pastures to graze on- make sure before you make a committment that it is going to stick. Good luck! JL
Jamie....You are so right, women are running over us and that is excepted by the "egg sucking society", they believe it's OK for them to have everything they want "at any expense" and we should conform to their distorted ways. It's a man's world and it is about time we started kicking some butt "so to speak". Society has turned upside down and there are severe problems in this. Humans have choice and that is the downfall of every race that has been here, when will we learn?, never!. Men can express self and get ridicule from mostly women but the women express self "self?" and again ridicule men if we don't get in step with them. Time for men to be men and women be the subjective creatures they were designed to be (dosen't mean that men have the right to misstreat women, that's stupid and real men don't). This has become the age os self centered living, giving is the way to balance but society regresses constantly and so much is lost. Get back to being ourselves based on each ones divine incodeing, whatever it is and we will all be happier and more loving with satisfaction in each hand. It's so hard to live simple in a complex society like ours. Yes Jamie, I agree with you! Randall
.. Time for men to be men and women be the subjective creatures they were designed to be (dosen't mean that men have the right to misstreat women, that's stupid and real men don't)...
... Yes Jamie, I agree with you! Randall
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I don't see Jamie as blaming women for males' being unable to wear
their hair at any length they choose, Randall.. It seems to me that the men who tend to run our society have imposed the short-hair rule on males. As I note social history, women don't appear to have been the instigators of the shorn-hair-on-men rule. In part, this has been the responsibility of the male military through the ages. In fact, the first to express a desire for long hair on men have been women and girls. As I see it, they *learn* from *men*, often through intimidation, to dislike long hair on males. It's the old adge: if one in "authority" tells someone subjugated by him often enough, that this or that is bad, it will eventually be believed by the subjugated person. That's how Hitler conned an entire nation, how children learn values which have no logical reason behind them, such as a "proper" appearance for males and females, and eventually internalize those values, and how Father KnowsBest perpetuated the notion of the faithful and obedient little wife of the post-War years through to the mid 60's.
And so, Randall, I regret that you appear to be castigating women for subjugating the male, complete with short hair. The target of your anger should really be the men in power down the centuries who formulated the shorn-look value for males, originally conceived for sanitary reasons and combat effectiveness for troops in close quarters. We can't blame women for this one.
OM
Raj Singh's fabulous research effort agrees with Ottawa Male - the problem we have is with other men. Raj's work is not an easy read, but well worth the effort for anyone who wants a thorough understanding of the deep-seated prejudice longhairs face. If you can't take it all in, skim down to the part "Male Hair Denigration" and start from there.
I'd like to tell you about my experiences but I cannot give you much
advice except that it is good to do what one wants to do...
I'm 26 and a blond male with a chin length blunt cut hair. I love the look of long hair, so having it myself makes it easier to see. :-) Once the hair is long, it seems rather natural to try different ways of wearing it. I have worn my
hair in many girly styles publicly: ponytails, pigtails and even used
bobby pins and hair clips. I haven't received one negative comment,
only some rather neutral or curious. I would think my friends find
my hair strange but they seem to accept it. And most of the times I still
wear it down rather unstyled. My situation is probably easier than
yours: I'm an academic full-time student and in the Finnish society
people quite much mind their own business. Still, I give a thought
to my appearance and avoid making too big a deal about my hair. I probably wouldn't wear pigtails in a formal occation.
Do you ever consider that there are male and female counterparts for everything in our society except for the hair. We have apparel for the feet and the body, but nothing for the hair. (Heaven forbid if a man wore a piece of plastic in his hair or had teeth in that accessory!) I have checked in Afterthoughts and Claire's Boutiques; many ladies find nothing wrong with it (wearing plastic hairbands, combs, and barrettes). They have given me the impression that it is society that needs to be a little more open minded.Therefore, there is support out there.
I think a person should be able to wear his or her hair the way he or she wants to. It is just an expression (nothing of a political or religious dimension). Men couldn't wear earrings at one time; now look at men. The same I hope can be said about hair accessories.
Remember, you can fight a war (Vietnam) and be called a hero; you can save a child from a burning building and be called courageous, you can help the poor and be called a humanitarian; you can die for a just cause. But wear hair rollers, barrettes, or a plastic hairband and all these virtuous things become in the public's eye . . . Druid keep the faith. This societal attitude has got to shift. I wonder if men and women were closer if the problem wouldn't take care of itself?
The question is not whether the accessory looks feminine on the store shelf; it is whether it will look femimine on you. If you are a masculine dude, no little doodad in your hair is going to make you look like a girl. You may just think of it as girlish because more longhaired people are girls so you've seen the thing on them more.
Now turn over a two dollar bill and look at the back. One of the signers of the Declaration of Independence has a bow in his ponytail! It does not look feminine on him at all.