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A friend recently confided in me that when he was a boy, his mother kept his hair long, a little below shoulder length. From ages about 4 to 7, she took him with her to the beauty shop and had his hair done (trimmed, rolled, etc.) while hers was being done. In about third grade, he returned to a "normal" boy's cut. Now as an adult, he has a great desire (he calls it a fetish) to wear long hair, but it isn't possible because of work dress codes and his wifes' oppostition. This causes him a lot of anxiety and frustration.
Does anyone know of a similar story? Does this happen to most boys whose mothers keep their hair long? Thanks.
Well, I had a mother who was fanatical about keeping my hair short, and I turned out just like the guy you described. And at that age for me it was the 1950's when really long hair on men was quite rare, so it's not like I was around any longhaired males, my age or older.
There are two sides to identity - what you are attracted to and how you perceive yourself. Both are set at about the same age (long before age ten), and both are very unchangeable. They also seem to be very uninfluenceable - we just turn out the way the Lord intended no matter what we or our parents did. So I wouldn't credit Mom. The word "fetish" is more aptly applied to the first side of identity than to the second, but long hair is part of the native human form, and a certain percentage of us "just gotta be longhaired!"
Since long hair is natural on both men and women, this is not a "cross dressing" thing, but like cross dressing, or even desires for sex changes, it is definitely an identity thing. One can't fight one's own identity and salvage a happy life, so the best thing for your friend to do is accept his own identity and start living his own life instead of the lives of other people. The anxiety and frustration aren't going to end for him until he does.
(Been there, done that....)
Me too! She was obsessive about it and made sure I got a "regular" haircut every three weeks as I grew up. How I wanted a "ducktail"!!
She kept up the harrassment in person and by phone even after I got married. I learned (too late) to ignore her. I attended my sister's wedding in 197? wearing a tux and a ponytail.
All thru my youth I wanted long hair. I love playing with it and trying different styles. My choices are limited now by MPB but I still keep it as long as it will grow.
My sons seem to be natural longhairs too.
Caitlin
Same story in my case - my parents kept my hair very short until I was 12 - 13 years old. Then they allowed me to grow it longer, but not after a lot of bitching from my side about it.
I was not able to grow it long until I finished college; then I was forced to cut it short 3 times between 1975 and 1988 for military service.
Until 1988 I lived in Romania, which was ruled at that time by a communist regime - that meant a lot of harassment from both authorities and employers because of my long hair. My parents pressed me to cut my hair too, as they wanted me to be more conforming to the 'mainstream'.
I actually started to press my parents to let my hair grow when I saw for the first time longhaired men - some Western tourists visiting Romania - and that shattered the belief imprinted by my parents that men must always keep their hair short.
During my college years, when the school regulations didn't allow me to grow long hair, I felt a lot of frustration. Later I had to cope with a lot of pressure from my family (which was rather hard to handle), with my employers and with the authorities. It was only after my flight from Romania in 1988 that I escaped the frustration caused by the absurd limitations and pressures imposed on me by others and the anxiety caused by beeing forced to cut my hair at any time for military service.
My parents are still teasing me because of my long hair; fortunately there are 1,200 miles between me and them... They accepted at least my unconventional way to dress - bare feet and sleeveless shirts.
Nick