new thread
I work for a relatively large industrial corporation. At my place of work customers frequently visit for training. Many of these men have beautifully long hair. I was wondering what the consensus is, in regards to complimenting a complete stranger in the work place on his long hair. Is it acceptable, or could it be misconstrued as sexual harassment? I know of a case in Canada where a mere compliment at work landed in front of the courts. Of course this is the US and not Canada, but everyone I am sure has been exposed to the overzealous in regards to 'sexual harassment'. After reading what many of you have to say on this link, I realize a compliment is great support for a man when he is floundering in a sea of negativity. To compliment a stranger in the work place or not to compliment, that is the question. Please, key word here is work place. I always compliment strangers outside of work...so it's not just the compliment.
Your fears of the consequences of complimenting are very well-founded. We have become such a thin-skinned society that breathing wrong can get you sued.
However, as a guy with long hair and damn proud of it, I do not regard the compliments I get as being harrassment. I can't imagine that any guy would take such a compliment as being "hostile". To that extent, I think you should feel free to go with your impulse.
Anyone out there have any direct experience with this issue?
I have complimented men and women on their hair, however, I've always asked permission before reaching out and touching it. I've even complimented men and women on their looks as well. After doing so, there was definitely a shift in their energy to a more upbeat and positive one. I feel the same when I get compliments.
You are right about us becoming "thin-skinned" about everything. That's one thing I've found so bothersome about the 90s. Everybody finds the slightest thing "offensive." My hopes is that the law gets real regarding harassment issues and be a little more discerning in regards to the types of cases that come before it.
Chaeya
Pandora,
I think women are FAR more sensitive to comments on their appearance than men and often try to "read between the lines." I wouldn't worry too much about offending the boyz, particularly with a compliment which just about all of us would take at face value. If you feel like complimenting a guy on his long hair, stranger or not, go ahead and do it. Chances are you'll make his day, ESPECIALLY at work.
HOW you compliment someone makes a big difference. One time someone complimented me on my hair. Then she commented on how long it was, drawing a lock between finger and thumb to measure how far down on my body it went. Had this been in a work environment, I think it could be construed as sexual harassment, considering the length of my hair. This is one of those areas where I really think people should use their common sense. Unfortunately, I've never seen a place where the lack of it was so ubiquitous.
It might be appropriate to say "Do you mind me telling you that you have very nice hair" or something similar, but one should never touch a co-worker (hair or otherwise) without first asking, or being invited to do so, its a common courtesy for may reasons related not only to harassment but also sensitivity, hygene and feelings of others. A compliment if worded properly is usually welcome.