new thread
Hello. I have been lurking on this board but I thought I'd just step in and say something.
I've always liked long hair on men and I've suffered from repeated attempts to grow my hair out, only to give in and cut it when it reaches that awkward point where layers fly everywhere and it's impossible to put it in a ponytail or do anything to style it or keep it from being annoying. Recently, my hair had reached its longest point ever at just above shoulder length (in back, shorter in front because of the growing-out layers). Determined to grow my hair, but wanting to reduce the awkwardness, I went to a hair salon in hopes that a slight and strategically placed trim (perhaps 1/4 to 1/2 inch off the longer parts) would make my hair look better by making some of the residual layers even, without reducing the overall length by much. But it was not to be. I should have known, when the stylist remarked, "Oh, it's starting to bob. I don't like bobs on men." I explained what I wanted, but when she (the stylist) had finished, I found that I was back to short hair in a very ordinary style. (I couldn't stop her during the process since I couldn't really follow it, having removed my glasses.) Time to start all over again. This has happened to me several times, even though I keep switching stylists and salons. Judging from other complaints I've heard, it's not uncommon for hairstylists to disregard their clients' preferences and follow fashion or their own sense of aesthetics instead, which does not reflect well on their profession.
Really, I'm not just rambling; there is a question here. That is, how to cope with the awkward phase while growing one's hair out? Or is it just something one has to live through? Since I've never had very long hair (but I hope to), I also wonder how to take care of it?
From advertisements, magazines, televistion, people-watching, etc., it seems that the currently fashionable style for men -- especially young men -- is VERY short, a little longer than a buzz cut perhaps, often heavily gelled and spiked (incidentally, very much like the way the performance artist Laurie Anderson has been wearing hers for decades). I don't especially like this style for myself, though I admit it can suit some other people quite well. I'd like to grow my hair longer, but I want to avoid the opposite extreme -- the long hair of 1970s and 1980s glam-metal rock stars, or the long-in-back-but-short-in-front style popular among some segments of the population, chiefly in rural locales. (How's that for putting it delicately?!) Does anybody have any advice on how to avoid falling into either of these traps during and after the growing-out process?
A style which I admire has the hair falling to the base of the neck, slightly layered. It looks best with wavy, thick, dark hair. The effect strikes me as bohemian and intellectual, but perhaps that's just because I've seen it mainly on young English professors, classical musicians, and the like.
I can't pull off this myself, since my hair is too straight and too blond, but I'll try the next best thing: I'd like to grow my hair to the middle of my back. One way of wearing the hair which I'd like to try is in a bun, or in a braid curled up and secured into a sort of a bun. I saw a guy wearing something like this once and thought it looked splendid, but this was at a Renaissance Fair, so perhaps it wouldn't work in general public use. Has anybody seen anything like it? What do you think of it? It originates as a woman's style, but I think it need not look "girly" if worn with the right air of virility.
The day may come when we speak not of masculine versus feminine hair, but simply of short and long.
I do find it a bit odd that I'm fond of long hair, since I'm definitely an urbanite and I try for a certain sophistication; I'm not fond of the rustic "hippie" or adolescent "heavy metal" connotations which long hair seems to have developed. But I remain committed to trying to grow my hair nonetheless, though (as I mentioned above) I seem continually thwarted.
Since I am a college student, I figure that I am permitted (even reguired) a little anti-establishment experimentation, at least for a little while longer.
if you want to grow your hair out, do not *repeat* DO NOT go to a hair salon. their business is cutting hair. that is what they are going to do. to strategically remove ¼ to ½ inch from the longest part, either do it yourself or have a sympathetic friend do it. since human hair growth averages ½ inch per month, you should do this only once or twice a year... it'll take you 2-3 years to achieve mid-back length. hats, bandanas, or gels are the best things for the 'awkward' stage.
i no longer get trims at all- (i want to see how long mine will get); if you wish to have a long style professionally maintained, you need to find a stylist who is not scissor happy. good luck. are there other long haired guys at your college? strike up a conversation with one and pose the question, 'where in the world do you manage to get your hair styled WITHOUT getting scalped??'.
long hair prejudices exist in OTHER people's minds- always will... you even demonstrated this yourself:
glam-metal rock stars, or the long-in-back-but-short-in-front style popular among some segments of the
population, chiefly in rural locales. (How's that for putting it delicately?!)
if you intend to grow your hair out, you are going to have to deal with that. don't let the ignorance of others become your problem. if someone wishes to ridicule me for my hair, that's their freedom- i'm secure with who i am; i don't have to prove anything to anyone else. i am lucky enough to hold two jobs that allow me to wear my hair long. that may be partly because of my work habits- if you are the absolute best at your chosen profession, you may well be able to keep your hair long after college. you can combat prejudice with positive action. if you can impress an employer (with actions not words) that a long haired employee can be a most valuable asset, you'd be surprised what latitude you will be afforded.
i hope some of this helps.
I agree about hair salons. I would have had a few choice words had a stylist made a comment about not liking what I wanted her to do and would have left. Like hey, you are paid to like what I want, you're paid to DO my hair as I want. You might want to call some hair salons seeking some that specialize in long hair. A good source are musicians which is how I found the salons I went to. I'd ask some of the long hair rockers where they got their hair done and go many good referrals over the years. My boyfriend is currently growing his hair out for me and he is going through the awkward stage and he uses gel and hairspray to keep the top down.
Sorry that happened to you. Just keep trying.
Chaeya
I have never once had a problem with a salon about just trimming the hair and no more than that. I am very clear about what I am doing with my hair. I say "I am growing my hair out long, all one length and I just am looking to just trim a bit off the back, as I want the hair on the front and sides to catch up.
Of course this didn't stop me from chopping off my hair just as it approached ponytailability last summer, but that will NOT happen
again.
Ever consider complaining to the manager about your hair being cut too
short?
If you don't want the stringy ends look, it's time to trim your hair
when many of the ends of your hair start to split.
When growing your hair out, it shouldn't be too hard to trim your own
hair while it's shorter than shoulder length. Or you can do like john
said and find out where long haired men go to get their hair styled.
HI--
I went through the same experiences you have of loss of nerve, and then stylist who don't get it.
I finally found a good haircutter, and told him that my goal was to let my hair grow out. I only let him cut it, and almost never.
My hair is curly - savy, unevenly, so I went through an uncontrol period. I found two local hair-burners, who gave me roller sets twice a week. Only when my hair was long enough to pull back and tie, did I stop getting it set. Now It is more than shoulder length, and perhaps 18" on top. I wash it 2 - 3 times a week and pull it back with a loose baret till it dries. Then I pull it back more severely, and when I wish can tie it into a bun in the back.
I am a professional person, and people like me and respect me and take me as I come. I get little feed back, unless I ask, and what I get is positive.
Jim
First, before you can determine how you want your hair to look, you really kinda need to have a clue as to who the hell you are (grin). In reading through your message, you specify a whole lot of things that you either aren't, or don't want to be (i.e. rural, hippie, metal-headish, someone from the 70's, and so forth). The only thing you say about who you are is that you're somewhat urbanite, and a college student. And you mention that the style of hair you like the best is something you cannot achieve. To me, it sounds like there's just a lot of confusion going on.
While it's true that stylists do no always listen to their clients, having the same problem, repeatedly, with different stylists indicates to me that it's at least possible that you're either not communicating what it is you want very well, or, more likely, I think, that you may not necessarily be communicating what you think you are. If you're approaching the stylists with the same kind of "I kinda want this, but I don't want that, that, or that" type of explanation as presented in your message, they may well be picking up on the sense that you like the concept of long hair, but aren't sure you're ready to deal with the reality of it.
As someone who has spent years fighting her hair, trying to get it to grow, and running into several problems, my wife just told me she can understand this feeling. As long as she was having to go out in public and try to deal with making her hair look good, she was pretty much unable to grow it out; in large part because she doesn't think she really had the confidence to just go for it. Lately, though, she's pretty much been shut in and have had no real reason to worry about how her hair looks, and it's actually starting to finally get past that awkward stage.
The key part here is the period of not caring how your hair looks. If you can't go for a while realizing that your hair probably looks like hell, and not worry about what other people think, you probably aren't really at a point where you're ready to grow long hair. This gets back to figuring out who you are. I assume your comment about feeling "somewhat obligated" to make an anti-establishment statement is more of a joke than anything. I also sense that, in some ways, you really are motivated by a feeling that you're "supposed" to go through this kind of a phase. That's not the reason to grow your hair long. Make sure that long hair really is the statement you want to make about yourself, and who you are, and the rest should fall into place from there.
I started growing my hair the same year I graduated (1990), and I've been lucky enough to not have faced any situation (job-related or otherwise) that would make me cut it. Initially, I did feel somewhat self-concious about the idea of looking like a woman, but that past quickly as I learned how to not give a flying #&@#$ what other people thought of me, and concentrated only on what *I* wanted for MYSELF. Now, it feels more like a natural appendage than something to feel overly concerned about what it's going to say about me when I go out in public. If events come into play at some point in my life that require me to cut (job-related or otherwise), I will do so. It's not a defining aspect of who I am. As I said, though, I've been, thankfully, lucky, and I look forward to reaching the turning point when all of this hair turns silver/grey.
A couple of points to keep in mind, however, if you decide to finally try it and are able to avoid any pitfalls:
* As your hair gets longer, you WILL, on occasion, be mistaken for a woman, at least from the back side (this comes with the territory. There ain't no way to avoid it, but it's solely up to you to decide how to take the remarks. I myself sometimes hear guys walking behind me, remarking to each other what a nice ass "she has". I can ignore it because I realize the majority of long hair can only be found on women. It doesn't, however, effect my wanting/enjoying my long hair). At the same time, you'll likely receive numerous positive remarks/looks from woman you encounter throughout the day. I know I do.
* You're going to experience bad hair days. Those are the times a good hair tie is useful. Otherwise, again, ignore the remarks. Why care what a stranger you may only ever see once thinks about you as an individual based solely on what they can see on the surface?
* Don't be surprised WHEN, as it gets longer, you start noticing hair follicles in your laundry, furniture, and wherever else hair tends to shed. I've even pulled a few strands out of my pants on occasion.
Finally, regarding the "awkward" stage: Hair does that. Ignore it. It passes.
Good luck.