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They're a complete mystery to me and sometimes I just want to strangle them. Here's what my family, the people who are supposed to be closest to me, have to say on the subject:
- "I've been dreaming about the days when you were a nice young man and clean cut"
- "You're only growing your hair out because you don't have confidence in yourself"
- "You look like a hobo"
- "Please let me cut it. I'll pay you to cut it"
- "You look shaggy and dirty. At least let me cut it around your ears"
These are just some of the nicer comments I'm hit with everytime I see my family. It makes me sad that something as trivial as my hair can make them so upset. I've come to expect a hassle from strangers, but I wasn't expecting to be taunted by my own blood. What are they afraid of?
Let me tell you something. That happens with MOST families. They want to chose who you date, how you dress, the length of your hair...And its awful. In most cases I want to believe its good intention, anyway its intrusive.
While in the awkward stage I did burst a couple of times. Everytime I saw a relative, it was a "suggestion" time, like let me fix the back, or anything. I left it clear that I appreciated the advice, but that it was my hair and I was the one who looked crappy not them. With time and as you walk out of rhw awkward stage, it all starts going quiet. Then if you make another change thereafter, some comments appear but not too much. It all comes to, you look a little better now.
Hey santiago...when are we going to get to see an update from you?
I think most of the guys that start growing their hair out long get this. My best friend and I started to grow it out at the same time 2 years ago, but after 8 months, I caved in. I somewhat regret it, but on the other hand, it is JUST hair. . . .
It's been a full year now since I've cut my hair
Thank you for the responses. I just needed to vent some frustration because I got hit multiple times by multiple people today and it was making me angry. I especially dislike the whole "you're not confident in yourself blah blah" argument considering that it's taking a hell of a lot of confidence to withstand all the BS people are putting out towards me right now.
blah blah" argument considering that it's taking a hell of a lot of
confidence to withstand all the BS people are putting out towards me right now."
You are correct...in many ways I believe that GROWing you hair
is like a Test of Fire.
Not only is the awkward stage tough & difficult, but getting
comments and 'advice' from 'friends' and family makes it even MORE difficult.
Anyone who believes that growing one's hair is a 'lack of confidence'
ought to try it out for themselves and see what it is REALLY like!
Good Luck!
They'll stop as soon as you can tie it back. Until then...it's the awkward stage and it IS awkward. Sorry I can't help you more, but it's something we've all been through. The results are worth the patience.
Here's what you can do when your family starts ragging on you...put your fingers in your ears, sing "La la la" really loud, and walk out of the room. Eventually they will learn that what they say can't get to you, and will most likely stop. Probably, too, when they get used to your hair, they won't care any more.
I can just imagine what I'll say to my own sons when I get older: "I'll pay you NOT to cut your hair." ^_^
~Jenn
I'll see your 20 to cut my hair and raise it 40 to grow your hair.
Poker stakes can keep going up until they see the pointlessness of their "clever idea" to get you to conform to their personal standards.
Try replying with kindess. Say something like "I appreciate your opinion" or "Thank-you for your point of view".
That will often throw people for an unexpected loop.
However, after they recover, they will probably push you further. It is at that time you should let them know that it is a boundary issue. Your hair is exactly that... your hair. Although their opinion matters and will be taken into consideration, the final decision rests on your shoulders (pun intended).
Most of the comments you mentioned were judgemental in nature. Be careful NOT to respond likewise (e.g. by criticizing them), because you will have fallen to their level.
ToddB
It's normal, I'm afraid. They will probably never give up, actually, but you'll get used to it.
Think I would hit the ceiling if I had to be subjected to remarks such as these. If this is ALL your family has on their minds with the tragic state of the world today..........they are indeed lucky that this seems to be their big beef! In a case like this, I would tend to be a bit fiesty with some retorts. Here is how I would answer these "Loved-ones:" (tongue in cheek)
1) Aren't dreams sometimes so wonderful!
2) I am growing my hair the way I like it just as you do your own thing. It's so much fun........AND......it's what Nature Intended for us. 100% Natural.
3) Hobo? Ha ha ha.........just like "Emmet Kelly?" Thanks for the compliment! He brought so much joy to the world during his life-time.
4) I will gladly accept the offer as long as you give me a Million Dollars in advance! You are so "sweet" to offer, and I love you ever so dearly!
5) Show me where the dirt is (as I don't see it) and I will wash it right-away! Shaggy? You mean like pictures of Jesus? He had hair around his ears too and is still worshipped 2,000 years after his death. I want to live a life of kindness and be good to others and I appreciate ever so much you "heart-felt" concerns. Thank you.
In other words, try as best as you can to throw these comments right over your head and turn the whole thing (for yourself) into a "fun Comedy." All done with a straight face and acting very serious. No matter what they say be ever so polite and gracious to them and have a smile on your face.
or:
Tell them where to go!
Good Luck! :-)
That's hilarious Justin. I might have to give it a try =)
Hey Cola!
It IS hilarious...........I did it myself. Leaves them with their mouths open with no place to go. (Inside myself I was laughing my "xx" off.) Yes, if you can turn it into fun for yourself all the better! Here are some other "retorts" I can remember from a while back from strangers who just wanted an "argument"..........but THAT is when you lose..........to agree with them and be MUCH NICER to them than they are to you KILLS THEM DEAD! Ha Ha Ha!!! Here are just a few "retorts" I used in the awkward stage. (I am no longer bothered by the way.........only compliments. Kind of too bad, because with my sense of humor I so enjoyed dishing-out retorts to mindless fools.)
Q: Your hair is getting so long you look like a Girl!
A: Thanks! I LOVE pretty Girls!
Q: When are you going to get a haircut?
A: Just as soon as I get to the Haircutters Place.
Q: Your hair is getting so long a Bird is going to build a nest in it!
A: Really? Oh, I hope it's the Goose that lays golden eggs! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be sure to give you one of the eggs cause you were so kind in telling me all about this.
Q: Your Long Hair makes you look old.
A: Really? Thanks for telling me..........with age comes wisdom! That was really nice of you to let me know.
Q: Did you know your hair is getting long?
A: Not really.........you see, I have been helping raise money to feed the starving people in are own Country. But thanks for telling me. By the way, would you like to contribute 5.00 or more to the cause of saving our beloved Nation? You seem like such a loving and caring person.........I feel so honored that our paths have crossed.
Leaving the person with nowhere to go drives them nuts! (He he he......even compliment them on there attire, looks, ANYTHING!...... and tell them how GREAT A PERSON THEY ARE.) Their bubble is burst so fast you wouldn't believe. Agree with what they say. THAT is the main point...........they have NOWHERE TO GO. It is a complete riot. A VERY enjoyable pastime when a sudden "downer" who should be minding their own business tries to pick on you.
take care and don't cut.
Justin~
And isn't it a pity that family and friends can get so concerned with
the HAIR...
instead of concentrating on the good qualities of the person,,,like:
*Does he have long hair...yes . . *But is he a thief...no (hopefully..he..he)
*He has long hair...but is he a decent citizen, etc. etc. etc.
Been there, done that.
I while back I finally just blew and stated "This is my house,
i'll wear my hair the way I want to. You don't like it? Then
the door is over there. Don't let it hit you on the way out."
After that I got zero complaints from my family about my hair.
Two comments. I'm not sure if comments are better or worse than the 'staring at your hair and saying nothing' treatment, which I have also endured (but not often).
One thing I did once say, which met with a puzzled look (which was what I had intended) was to say.
'It's OK for me, I don't have to look at it'
Good luck - try out some of the suggestions from this board, but above all
1) don't lose your cool
2) don't lose your hair
I'd reply: 'I'm still nice so I'll skip telling you about the dreams I've had in which you actually had manners!'
' I have meglomaniacal confidence in myself! The fact that my hair's so thick and long is living proof that I'm happy for the world to see my very own protein in all its glory!'
'Beats acting like a clod!'
'How about saving your money and enrolling yourself in barber's college to serve those who WANT to get their haircut?'
'Wasn't that what VanGogh said about himself?'
They're afraid that you make them look pigeons standing next to a peacock when the ladies cling to you like metal shavings to a magnet- at least that's the impression I've gotten from my relatives!
Maybe it will help if I share my story...
As a kid, my father would not allow me to have anything but the shortest haircuts. In early adulthood, I worked in conservative, religious organizations that would not allow much more length either, --- yet I dreamed for years of growing my hair long. My 40th birthday marked the first year I had the guts to have my hair long enough to be in a ponytail. Seven years later I made an impulsive, stupid decision to cut my waist-length hair short again. Friends, more than family, went on & on about how much "better" I looked with short hair. But I was devestated over having cut it, because quite simply, I've always been in love with long hair. I IMMEDIATELY started growing it back, telling anyone who questioned me on it that I didn't care what they thought ( and I am usually a very polite person)! It is now half-way down my back. I intend on growing it to my knees, eventhough I will be an old man by then. So my advise is this: don't wait to become an old man to do what you want about the length of your hair. If it means a lot to you to have it long, take very good care of it. Present it to others as cleanly, neatly, and attractively as possible. And other than that, draw a line in the sand to people who object to the length, that you are not open to comments, suggestions, offers or insults. Period. End of subject, --- or they don't deserve the pleasure of your friendship or company. The more firm you are and non-negotiable about this, the quicker the harassment will end completely. Either that, or wait until you're an old man. ( But by then your hair will thinner, grayer, and balder. )
It takes guts to do this. I'm really impressed by the strength you've proven yourself to have so-far; good luck on your hairy wonderful future!
Sincerely,
Glad2bhair
i like to use this response to comments:
"Thank you for your opinion, however unlike you i have enough class NOT to comment on what i think of YOUR apperance"
say that in a calm and relaxed voice, most people back off because they don't know what to say back to that
Kind responses from all. I really appreciate the pick-me-up.