new thread
Hey all, first off let me say that I think this board is awesome, I've enjoyed lurking here for some time, checking out people's progress pics, and reading all the various discussions that have popped up. Really cool board!
Anyway, to my questions:
Can we still "look our best" with long hair? One of my friends is giving me hell because I want to grow my hair out. He says that I need to "look my best", which I guess means make myself as attractive as possible, for the benefit of others. By this I think he means wear my hair really short, with gel and spikes and all that nonsense. He consideres that the most attractive style for a guy. He says it is selfish of me to want to deviate from what is the status quo of maximum attractiveness. Doesn't that sound silly?
So what do you think? Is it selfish of me to deviate from the styles and standards that are the norm? Is it wrong of me to not look as attractive as I possibly could? Wow this all sounds really narcissistic but he has been really laying it on me with these types of comments so I am really starting to wonder if he has a point...
And my second question -- is long hair worth the trouble? By that I mean, the upkeep and maintenance... You see, I have been used to the really short haircuts which you just shampoo and you're done - no combing, no thought even! I don't like to spend a lot of time on my personal hygiene, beyond what is necessary to be clean. and I am already starting to have to spend more time making my hair look somewhat presentable as I enter the awkward stage (6 months growth all around). So I am wondering if I will have to modify my lifestyle in order to look even marginally presentable.
I guess a better question is -- what do you all think is a reasonable amount of time to devote to your hair and appearance? How long do you all spend on those sorts of things each day?
Well thanks for your thoughts, y'all, I look forward to reading what you have to think on these matters.
Peace,
Jeff
Your friend is silly and rude.
You can do whatever you want with your hair and your body.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, if you choose to try and look as ugly as possible, it is no one's business but your own.
You will undoubtably go through some bad hair days while growing it out. Listen to tips from this board to minimize the insanity. Depending on your taste and fussiness, you may add time to your daily routine with longer hair...or you may not. That depends on how well your hair behaves for you.
Is this the only persons opinion that you have gotten? Remember, everyone has an opinion! This just happens to be one persons opinion that you got a negative response from. Have you asked any girls for their opinions of your hair? You should post a pic for us :)
Yes, to go along with that Jolie said...
If you're friend is giving you hell for what he thinks of your hair, just remember the saying...
"Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one!"
As far as "looking our best" I personally think I look MUCH better with long hair. Heck, I even thought I looked better all through the awkward phases.
As far as it being selfish to deviate from the status quo, that's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard. You should ask him what the heck all these bizzare things coming out of his mouth mean.
As far as it being worth it, that depends on the person. Personally I doubt I'll ever cut my hair short again. Judging by what you've said so far I think you should at least try it for 2 years. Odds are there is less work involved than you think, though more than with short hair. In the shower you'll probly spend 2 or 3 times as much time on your hair than you do now because you need to condition it too. I spend perhaps 5 minutes on my hair in mornings detangling it some then putting it in a tail or something like that. Every 2nd or 3rd night or so I'll spend 10 or 15 minutes on it with a brush. It's not like there were drastic lifestyle changes to accomadate my hair, so don't let that hold you back.
You've already got 6 months of growth man. Just go for it and see what happens.
If you don't enjoy spending lots of time on your hair, you might want to consider dreadlocks. I have some friends with (clean) dreads and they say that the first couple of months are a pain in the --- but that after that it's almost maintanance free. Just wash once a week and dry thoroughly.
Just a thought.
and as for your friend, tell him to shove it :)
-> define best... by whose standards. I have been told by some ppl to cut my hair in very demeaning manners... but (thankfully) most peoepl (and lots of girls :) ) have told me they love my hair... so... it all depends
->define the "norm". "Everyone is somebody else's weirdo". There is no such thing as "normal"...
->selfish because you are changing YOUR image... don't let people have so much of a say on your personality, looks, actions...
->He doesn't!
->short hair is more practical... yes... but if you like long hair... then you will bear it and you will probably enjoy it in the end... It really doesn't take that much effort...
->need a bit more time to shower.. because of conditioning... then "sort it" (curly hair) and a bit of gel.. and that's it
->ciao!
Opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one, and most of them stink. This guy is just telling you these things because he personally doesn't like your hair.
Anyway, looking your best is subjective. Try long hair. As long as you keep it clean and neat, nobody is going to think you look like a pig with it.
Is it selfish? I don't think so. My hair has no effect on other people. I think it is more selfish to drive an SUV at the detriment of the environment, or buy a diamond that they ripped up a mountain in africa to get. Nobody is calling people who do those thing selfish.
I personally feel that my long hair is worth the trouble. In reality, the hardest part is what you're in right now. Once you can get a tail going, it becomes almost as little work as a buzz cut. You spend more time on conditioning and such, but you don't have to go get a c ut every 3 weeks eiether. I think long hair is easier when you consider the money you save on cuts and the daily maintenance isn't more than it would take to spike.
Peace
It is an interesting question. Let's take it away from hair for a moment. Last year I had some plastic surgery on my face. What did I have fixed? My forehead, my nose, my chin? NO! In fact I had a small area of "battle damage" on my cheek turned into a neat, almost invisible line. I mention the other things because in discussing plastic surgery with various family and "friends" all of the other areas were suggested as possible candidates for "improvement". Money was not an issue, so why didn't I go for "the works"? Was it selfish of me to not want to come out of the plastic surgeon's office looking like a Ken doll? The fact is that being attractive to other people, while important, is not nearly as important to me as being attractive to myself. The scar on my cheek was ugly to me, so I had it fixed. Everything else that God gave me suits me just fine and needs no adjustment. My long hair is important to me, even if I can't explain exactly why. It would be nice if others looked at me and liked how I look but at the end of the day all that matters is that the guy in the mirror reflects who I am. That's not being selfish, it's being honest.
... let me see... I'm not quite sure what your friend means here.
So, is it selfish for you to drive around in... say... a Volvo, when your friend drives a truck? You like your Volvo, he likes his truck. This is selfish of you?
Maybe your into wearing Tommy Hilfiger, athletic shorts and sneakers and your friend wears flannel shirts, jeans and cowboy boots. This makes YOU selfish?
What I call SELFISH is when a friend tries to clone you to look like himSELF rather than taking you as you are, disregarding your differences in interest, and just simply being YOUR friend. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and only skin deep. When it comes to friends, looks SHOULD be transparent. Or is this only in a PERFECT world?!
Let's be FRIENDS, not CRITICS! Peace!
Treyn couldn't have said it better.
Jeff,
No offense, but your friend's logic is retarded. Selfish to deviate from the norm of male attractiveness? What the heck does that mean? It isn't even logic, it just plain makes no sense. It is your hair, not your friend's. If he has a problem with that, tell him to go suck eggs because he really isn't your friend if he's going to be as shallow as he's proven himself to be.
Sorry, I ranted...oops! As for your second question, is it worth the trouble? Let me answer from a woman's perspective: Yes. It is. ^_^
~Jenn
Thanks for your replies everybody! What my friend means by being selfish is this:
For me to grow my hair in a style which is not the standard of what is most attractive (in most people's eyes according to him) is to be choosing something for myself instead of for others. For him, one's appearance is something that one fusses about _for others_... you make yourself look good for others, not for yourself. (unless you just really really really like looking at yourself in the mirror all day :P ) Does that clarify his perspective at all?
Well in any case y'all have given me the support and motivation I needed to do my own thing :) ... I think my friend's views are a bit strange with the "selfishness" of choosing styles other than what is considered attractive by the masses.
In general, most of my other friends have given me either neutral don't cares, or been somewhat negative at the notion of me with long hair. I have a feeling the don't-cares would prefer that I keep it short, but they realize its my choice. However, most everyone I know feels that long hair on a dude is not attractive. Whatever, they're stupid. :P
Thanks again for the sharing your thoughts y'all :)
It clarifies his position as one which makes no sense.
I suppose your friend could be correct -if- you were to take your
long hair style to such an extreme that you ignore all the people
that really matter to you in favor of obsessing over your hair. That
would be selfish behavior.
What your friend finds selfish about your hair style choice could
be applied to his choice of shoes, car or deoderant.
Now you're starting to make sense :)
for what it's worth, MANY friends / hair stylists / family members told me many times that it would definitely look horrible on me, that i should not go through the problems of growing my hair because it didn't suit me at all, and blablabla. i bet a big majority of people growing their hair got the same type of comments..
and it's starting to turn out relatively nice! (yeah, yeah, i'll post updated pictures soon)
so don't get discouraged by others' comments! do your own things. you're not hurting others, so you shouldn't be concerned :-)
i've also noticed that people who have known me for a long while had a lot more trouble accepting the hair length change (never had hair longer than an inch), while "new" friends thought it looked better than short hair.
your friend must have problems with people he doesn't consider beautiful "naturally"... he should get over himself, it would probably make him happier!
-vincent
Jeff, what your friend misunderstands is that those who are out to be as attractive as possible usually rely on their own assessment of what looks good, not the results of some majority poll (especially when this is all according to him). He is welcome to live by that unusual principle but no one else needs to.
I'd be interested to know that guy's reaction if you rounded everybody up you knew and they each told him he would look more attractive with longer hair. I don't get the feeling he would be so quick to be "unselfish" and grow out as a courtesy to be easier on the eyes of his friends. If life was meant to be spent with the hair that made the statistical most people happy we would all be wearing the hairstyles our mothers picked for us. (Perhaps some of you here are and in that case you have a really great mom that chose long hair for you as a little kid!)
I do not buy into his argument at all but that does not matter; he does not need to be believed. See what happens if you agree with him though, not about the conforming but the other part. "Yep, you see me as selfish and I am okay with that." If you don't care, there is no argument.
Good luck.
Elizabeth
Selfish isn't the word.
Self willed possibly.
Many people can't understand or accept anyone that doesn't 'conform'. It firghtens them, and trhey find all sorts of illogical reasons to justify their phobia.
Do what you feel is right for you, and enjoy whatever you decide.
Your friend merely wants you to look like himself. Maybe being in a familiar group that is exactly the same is how he feels accepted. It sounds like you aren't quite as stuck to that line of thinking.
Long hair takes a while to grow (think in years) so you will have plenty of time to slowly incorporate any additional hair care to your lifestyle. It won't be a big transition because it doesn't happen overnight. You'll be able to handle it.
Hi!
People resist a trend that makes them leave behind something they like. (i.e. your friend and his short gelled hair). I remember in the late 70's when flares were replaced by straightleg jeans I didn't like the look of the new trousers. But within a year I had made the change, and had come to like them. When flares returned in the last two years I took to them straight away, even in my 40's!
Cheers, Barry