new thread
I was hoping I might be able to get some feedback on this little dilema facing my cousin.
She's a longhair enthusiast, and her 21 month old son (jack) consequently has shoulder length hair. Now he's due to start day-care soon and she's worried that by having long hair it will make him "different" to the other children and as he gets older he might be bullied by other kids.
Now Jack really has no opinion about this one way or another, he's more interested in people, toy cars and the tweenies. Hair is just not high priority to toddlers.
So whilst his choices continue to be made by his mother, and her preference is for him to have long hair, she is worried that this might make childhood more difficult for him.
Question is what should she do? Long hair certainly suits Jack and he definitly doesn't look girly, but kids can be cruel... I've already voiced my opinion, but I thought I'd throw it to the floor to get some more feedback.
Thanks -
I once saw a 7-9 year old kid with shoulder length hair. My first thought was it looked like he haid a wig or something (which he didn't) since it was so unusual.
Being a guy with long hair attracts looks and thoughts, but also being a kid should probably increase the attention dramatically. I am not sure if the other kids will say something, but I say it's not unlikely that judgmental adults will treat him differently.
Of course, the length of hair shouldn't be an issue, but unfortunately you DO notice and look differently on a kid being longhaired. I know I did react on it, and I love long hairs, I think anyone who wants should have it, but it just looked weird on that kid.
Of course friends and people surrounding him will probably get used to it, but the first impression will most likely be that it's strange, even if you don't want to.
Friend of mine back in secondary school had to wait until he was 15 to start growing his hair. His reason for waiting so long? "All the others kids took the piss too much."
Case rested. Mind you, some other dude back when he was about 12 had a mid back length mullet and didn't get any stick so you never know!
Well, we let my son's hair grow fairly long, but eventually he decided he wanted it cut shorter, I think when he was about 8. He is 10 now. Another freind of mine, who has long hair himself of course, has a son aged 11 with a very long mullet (really, it's waist length, but short on top). Just met a father and son, at a class my son goes to, who both have long hair, although not very long. That boy is 9. So there is no question that they are out there.
There's no doubt that some people mistook my son for a girl when his hair was long. However, anyone who had 20/20 vision and was paying attention never could have, even when he was very small. It seems that there are at least a few people whose social conditioning is so deep that they don't look beyond the hair. My son never seemed really bothered by it as it was very obvious to him that he didn't look like a girl. I think he wanted it cut relatively short so as to be in style.
I, on the other hand, was brought up with short hair just when it was in style to wear it long, and I suffered until I was at least 15 before I could start to grow it. Even then, it was a struggle for years, with my parents repeatedly insisting I get a haircut just when I was making progress. To tell the truth, that's probably the main reason I wear it long now.
Even now that I am middle aged, I still get comments from my parents about my hair, but that's another story.
Man, where I'm from (south louisiana) no one really ridicules guys about long hair! Only the realllly old ppl 60+ do that(ok, ok, not reallllly old, but the senior citizens, lol) Seems everyone in school always envied the guys with longer hair! In highschool, long hair is DEF. in style here. i'd say a good, ~80% or so of the guys in high school over here, have hair that is ATLEAST 5-6 inches!!! I know, b/c i just graduated (2003.) a GOOOOD deal of them have longer hair, they have about 20 or so guys with shoulder length (or longer) hair, and that is out of about 750 students. I find you only REALLY get teased if you let it bother you. If not, they leave u alone. U have to stand up for yourself! I say DONT cut his hair until you guys can see how the other kids react. It shouldnt be too bad, kids are innocent and forgiving. I think it could definately help his self esteem in the long run. Im sorry if all of this rambling is confusing and hard to read, im just getting home from a praty. lol, and its late. later, JB
Longest hair I've seen on a young kid, was two brothers I saw in Wisconsin. Younger one had a ponytail that was about mid-back length, he was about 10 or 11 I guess. His brother looked to be about 13 or 14 and his hair was cut as a mullet, and the long portion was tied in a ponytail that was nearly waist-length. Yes I wish I had a camera!
At the time I was just a few years older (about 15) and had just started growing out my hair. These two boys were early inspirations for my growing, even though I only saw them that one time.
If the kid keeps it, he will either buckle under the peer pressure or become stronger. I say let hime decide. He has to live with it. If he dosent like his choice, then he has to deal with it. Personally I think that he should experience the whole spectrum of hair. I believe that he needs to decide who he is first.
Huh?? Get real. This kid is 21 MONTHS OLD. He's not even 2 years old yet.
This is something for his parents to decide for him. He has to be told to go to the potty, for crying out loud. "Let him decide."
Ok…….
Here we go again…………
Ever 4-5 months someone posts about
kids with longhair…..guys…its all crap….
post pics or go away….
get off somewhere else.
I haven't been here 4-5 months, so I'm sorry if I'm dragging up an old topic, but its spurred a decent thread of discussion, so I think your views are in the minority...
I guess your just one of those people that still reads picture books because the words give you too much trouble. Right?
Fastest way to kill a forum is to tell your visitors to get lost. You obviously dont have the best interests of this board at heart do you?
Dude, its just shoulder-length hair he's talking about. On a tiny child that's just a few inches.
If he said the kid's hair is dragging on the ground, or some nonesence like that, I'd say its just some made-up claims. But I've seen plenty of boys with hair like he's describing, even little toddlers.
I suggest to let him keep his hair long at least until he is old enough to decide if wants to have it cut short. I remember a couple about 10 years ago who had 3 sons who were between 4 and 8 years old and had hair close to waist length and they did just fine. I live near Berkeley Cailfornia and long hair is very common here. If your cousin lives in a very conservative area of the country it may be a bit more difficult for her son having long hair but not enough so to cut it short. In a nutshell > wait and see on this one. Absalom
Good advice! I definently would not cut it yet. My sister has a darling little 10 year old who has had long hair his whole life. His first real cut was when he started kindergarten. It was actually below his waist. She had it cut to @ mid back. Over the years she has been slowly growing it back, and now it's about at the same point before it was cut. He's really cute, so of course he gets teased and mistaken for a girl probably every day of his life, but he has learned to deal with it. They both love it long and have no plans on cutting it. He stays with us when his mom works late, and it is so cute watching him brush it out and braid it for bed. He usually spends an hour every night brushing, and another half hour in the morning before school. It's really obvious how much he loves it long. So don't force a haircut until he really asks for it, and make sure he understands how long it takes to grow back. Good Luck, Dee
Good advice! I definently would not cut it yet. My sister has a darling little 10 year old who has had long hair his whole life. His first real cut was when he started kindergarten. It was actually below his waist. She had it cut to @ mid back. Over the years she has been slowly growing it back, and now it's about at the same point before it was cut. He's really cute, so of course he gets teased and mistaken for a girl probably every day of his life, but he has learned to deal with it. They both love it long and have no plans on cutting it. He stays with us when his mom works late, and it is so cute watching him brush it out and braid it for bed. He usually spends an hour every night brushing, and another half hour in the morning before school. It's really obvious how much he loves it long. So don't force a haircut until he really asks for it, and make sure he understands how long it takes to grow back. Good Luck, Dee
Hi Dee,
It was so neat to hear about your nephew. My son is 9, and although his hair isn't as long as your nephew's, I'm hoping it will be in a year or so. I had his ends done two weeks ago, and right now it's down to the small of his back. He went thru alot of teasing last year at school, but this year he has a teacher that won't put up with it, and things are so much better. My son likes to brush his hair too. He spends way more time on his hair than my daughter does. It seems like he lives in front of his mirror. Anyway, thanks for posting; it's neat to hear about other long haired boys.
Suz
As a child I always wanted long hair but it was not allowed, and cruelty from other childs, it can also happen if someone has short hair.
I think it is not necessary to prepare already a very small child for the conformity in society.
Long hair can be very nice on little childs, and I think it is cruel from society if they force it very short on them. Little childs often like long hair, and this is not gender specific.
Maybe if he gets older he wants to look like the older boys or men he will perceive, in this way I would follow his wishes.
I would stop taking care about something that is only a virtual fear currently, because this occupies positive emotions that are important for the child's development.
And I think the carefully transfer of preferences and likings between human beings is not negative, because this can be the source of positive emotions and where shall they ever come from?
wolfgang
This is basically what I told my cousin. Wait and see it might never become a problem...
Thanks for your comments
its for the better
unless the kid states, "i want long hair", then let him have it, but if he has no different opinion about it, dont make him feel alienated because of the mothers opinons
I agree. Cut the kid's hair now. If when the kid gets older and wants longer hair, let him have it. Right now as a preschooler, he should have a normal hair cut. No ifs ands or buts.
But...........what is "normal?" As we were created and intended by Mother Nature we are suppose to have Long Hair.
Small children are completely unbiassed... unless someone teaches them otherwise. At age 2 or 3 he is not likely to experience any kind of problem with other kids over this. They don't even really play together, just separately in the same place. Any arguments they have are most likely to be about who plays with what toy.
We should start by teaching them that long hair is natural, but that different people have different hairstyles and that's OK too. Start how you mean to go on.
Also, don't cut their hair out of some mis-guided notion that they will suffer by having long hair. They won't.
You don't like the word normal. Okay. Get the kid a REGULAR hair cut and make it nice and neat. Long hair on preschool kids is RETARDED! He should be focusing on school and not his hair.
I didn't say anything about normal. I don't think pre-schoolers focus on their hair atall. Ultimately, it's going to look however the adults want it, until the child is old enough to have an opinion. Used to be the child's opinion was then ignored anyway, which seems backward to me. I don't think that having either long or short hair up to that point is going to do anyone any harm. Why do you call people retarded, anyway? Are you just a troll?
So, You are talking forced haircuts on boys only? I hope not, especially on a board which supports long hair on men and boys.
Let the young fellow keep the hair. He has to learn to overcome adversity, and this is a good time to learn--when he is young. Too many boys are forced to get a short haircut so they look "normal". How do you teach a boy how to overcome adversity when we do this? Case in point; I just was at the mall over the weekend, and at the mall is a salon. I passed by it and heard a kid crying and carrying on. No surprise to me it was a small boy who was crying while he was getting his hair cut (It was cute that they gave his a sucker, but that didn't stop him from crying). I felt sorry for this young fellow, but forcing an unwanted haircut is wrong. I remember when I was small boy with a short haircut and I got teased, and when I was a teenager in the 70's with long hair I got teased. You will get teased no matter what age you are. Yes this is a cruel world, but you have to endure!!!
Parents make decisions for their children all the time based on what they think is best for them. This mother has wants her darling boy to look attractive yet wants to protect him from any possible teasing showing she is a caring person. If it is of any use to her, I am offering my expertise on the matter to help the decision be an informed one.
Two-year-olds are very into themselves. The appearance of another child will not be of much concern to them. It is unlikely he will experience any problems about his hair at day care if the adult in charge places appropriate limits on the children in their care and sets a good example. The caregiver that exclaims "that little boy looks like a girl" is certainly not the one for this long haired boy.
At this point, his hair does not matter to him but this will change over the next year. Often called the "terrible-twos," it is actually the age when children begin asserting independence, not a bad thing at all. It just happens to be inconvenient for the adult trying to dress, feed, or drag that kid anywhere when the two-year-old has decided they do not want to wear that, eat that, or go there. What may happen in this case is that the boy decides he wants to make his hair decisions which would likely mean short hair. Since his mother is okay with that I'd say let him be long until he has an opinion.
As he ages, this child will experience some form of teasing from someone for any or no reason at all. Removing one possible taunt focus, the long hair, is not a practical solution in the long run. Teasing just picks another target, his weight or lack of it, religion, parentage, you name it. Instead, teach the child to appropriately handle foolish remarks and they have learned a valuable lesson for life, one many adults never have received. These skills can be started early but are more practical as he becomes increasingly verbal, say age four. This education in conflict resolution coming from home and school with the assistance of quality teachers is well worth standing up for. Don't teach the child to "lose" their glasses when someone starts making fun of that next. Cutting his hair now or later on to avoid possible problems sends that message. The fault never lies with the person being picked on.
Standing up for yourself is a simple thing I have taught many children. It can be as easy as saying, "That hurt my feelings" or "That's not okay when you say that." Kids will care about how they treat others when they are taught to. It works. For an even more positive tidbit, kids easily accept each other when in a caring environment. The teacher's guidance will cut off any possible teasing at the first innocent comment, "Only girls have long hair" with an age appropriate discussion. When handled well by all the adults involved in this child's life, long hair will never be a problem, until of course he gets a hair care related question. ;-) Then we'll send him here to ask for help. :-)
Elizabeth
Thanks Elizabeth
I think you summed up what I've been trying to say to my cousin in 5 paragraphs that I've been trying to tell over the past few days. Your far more eloquent that me. Thanks!
And thanks to everyone who's posted, good thread!! I'm passing on all the opinions I've receive so thanks for your feedback!
Don't cut the boy's hair, please don't cut it now! Let the boy grow, and let his hairs grow!
When he is older, about four or five years old, he may decide for himself, if he likes to keep long hair or if he prefers to look like the others.
Many children like long hair, and many children dislike the haircut. So if your cousin likes the boy having long hair, and if the little boy doesn't object (I think he will not object, when he is so small) there is absolutly no reason to cut his hair now.
Long hair is beautiful, on little girls and on little boys.