new thread
First of all, I think it would be good for you to get your
hair cut as I had previously mentioned to you because a lot
of people are quite narrow-minded and they judge people
unnecessarily. Simply because you are different and people
would automatically pass judgements on you. Therefore
unless you can live with that kind of sentiments, it would
be difficult for people to take you seriously simply by
looking at your hair (of course I for one who looks beyond
the outer appearance but most people are not like me!) As
a good friend, I just want to be honest with you about this.
Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a
job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and
entertainment industry.
*slaps forehead*
Why, of course! Why didn't I listen before?
Ya, just because I care and this is the best thing I could come up with...so good in fact that it deserved to be written down and expressed to you...and you should take it seriously...really, I'm not trying to be like a parent, it's just such good reverse psychology that you can't ignore it...and shouldn't...it's what is best for you...really.
This says a lot more about the person writing than you (or the world at large).
My sense is that men who grow their hair long are somehow concerned with their individuality-- if not that, then with physically expressing some facet of their identity (or sense of values). Most of the world is concerned with containing human expression and freedom. As I see it, one of the consequences in following this advice is finding that the compromise is hollow. Yes, you might find yourself more marketable, but will you be happy in a job that will only acccept you if you are a conformist?
I've played this game most of my life-- succumbing to the pressure to cut my hair at critical moments in my career. Generally, I've found that the action hasn't advanced me in fulfilling ways. Also, when my hair has been long, I've been able to leverage promotions, etc. I've found that the creative, interesting bosses that I've had have respected me for my individuality. Indeed, having long hair has been a tool in establishing a professional persona of conviction.
At the end of the day, employers who are worth working for are interested in the quality of my work. Being rigorous and competent has meant more than looking like a magazine model.
I also think having long hair scares people. They can't quite figure out how we muster the conviction to step outside of the bounds of conformist society (and envy our strength).
Before you ask, yes, I work in liberal settings -- academia, the arts,and community development. But the economy is large and more diversethan we're led to believe.
just my 2 cents.
Pete
Or the high-tech industry.
Your friend could be disguising his/her own feelings within this letter. Either that or overly concerned with how you could be treated by others. Your friend appears to be more concerned about any issues with your long-hair than yourself. Usually that means he or she has some personal issue with your long hair. I'm not sure what feedback you are looking for here. I recommend talking about this with that person if it what they wrote has any affect on you.
Its already bin said, but it needs saying again - this person cannot speak for society at large, their comments are not based on any real research - they have to be speaking for themselves. Either that or their perception of others is rather warped.
You could add to this list: the IT sector, academic/teaching/ science/research (all sectors), manual labour/ call centres infact it would be shorter to list the professions and business sectors where hair length is an issue:
Police Service
Armed Services
Legal Profession, lawyers, judges etc. (but the wigs are OK [confused])
Public Relations.
I'm not sure I'd include the legal profession. Instead I would add the fire brigade.
Tarikh,
Here's my take on ways to handle it.
Go for sarcasm- "Yes, having the good opinion of people I will in most likelyhood never see again is important to me. Take my current hair length as no indication whatsoever of my sincere intention to follow through on the advice you so kindly gave me once before."
Perhaps some wide eyed agreement- "I believe you are right that the only possible judgments people could form of me with long hair would be bad ones. Being thought creative, patient, or interesting would not enter thir minds."
At this point you might also offer some "friendly" advice in return, their writing skills could use a bit of improving. I'd say that has an effect on how they are perceived by others just as they are not making a good impression on me. The friend puts a lot of weight on what strangers are thinking so that might be advice they would want to know about.
A blantant twist of their intent can be fun too- "Thank you for wanting to help me out of an obviously genuine concern for my well being. In fact, I believe your words have helped me put the opinions of others in a better perspective than before. How they see me doesn't matter, that is even when others think of me at all. It would be pretty conceited of me to assume everybody is thinking about my hair length. Thanks for pretending to encourage me to cut in an effort to make me think. You had me going for a bit, but I should have known any real friend like you would but my personal well being first. So sorry to have doubted you even for a moment."
Keep being annoyingly positive about the message- "If an employer cares more abut my hair than credentials then I shall embrace that gorgeous hair (okay, maybe you would not put it quite that way Tarikh, that's how I see it on you, but something like that) which so handily assists in weeding out places I would not want to work. Thanks also for steering me toward an art career, perhaps involving my photography, because you want to help me keep my hair. That is what friends do after all, help each other achieve what they want by being supportive. I am so glad you wrote. Now my resolve is firmer than ever thanks to you."
Busy wondering why I don't get letters like these to play with but gleefully realizing I look like someone already hoplessly too far beyond fixing,
Elizabeth
Hi,
Thanx
But one question if i may:
why do you use this nickname? Do you really like Quenn Elisabeth?
My first name is indeed Elizabeth, I think quite highly of myself, and am a history fan.
I have wondered about your name too. Any chance it means "handsome long dark hair?" :-)
Monarch in her own right,
Elizabeth