new thread
Am I the only one who feels a slight sense of relief when I see another long haired guy, and find it especially rewarding when you both notice each other at the same time? Here in Lincoln City there's a reasonable amount of guys with long hair, since it is a small city.
-
JoNty
a bit i suppose. there's one dude at work who commented that when he saw me he knew our workplace was longhair friendly. i guess there's something to the sense of 'community' felt among some longhairs. never really felt uptight about being the only longhair though. a bit amused i guess sometimes.. i was at a friend's gym changing post workout and an elderly gentleman kept staring at me... i was the oddball there... i wanted to say 'take a picture, it'll last longer' but hated to spoil the moment.
i do feel a cool sense of community...but only sometimes...just this week, i was in target, saw a guy with great hair, so as i passed him, i said "nice hair." nothing more. short. quick. to the point. and he said nothing! he only looked at me like he wished i were dead or something. kinda ticked me off.
There'll be arse holes wherever you go, in every scene.
-
JoNty
Just a nod or a smile, or "Awesome mane dude" (no exclamation point) if you mean it, works better I've found. Many men don't want to be sized up by another man, especially if the act might be seen as the least bit sexual. To me, maintaining that distance is part of respecting another longhair's personal space.
There have been many times where another longhair in a place and I have gravitated toward each other and then talked, and no mention of hair was ever made. Yet, we both knew why we chose each other to connect with. A lot of longhairs prefer to chat with other longhairs, so long as hair is not going to be mentioned.
Then there are the longhairs who still harbor the dislike of longhairs that they had before they became one. It's like their prejudices have not caught up with reality, and they certainly don't identify with other longhairs. I can tell those types because they make a special effort to avoid other longhairs. They are thinking, "Why is one of THOSE people talking to ME!" Sounds like you ran into one of them.
bill, you are right as always...i guess what made it worse was the fact that i struggled with the whole thing to begin with...i in no way wanted the guy to have the slightest impression i was doing anything other than complimeting his hair...and while i have no real idea what he thought, i guess his actions were enough.
i always struggle with that too...when i see a guy with a great head of hair, i always *want* to compliment him, but fear i will get the reaction i got at target or one even worse.
mjtoo
In retrospect after posting upthread, my thought was that the fact that you greet the guy in whatever fashion, coupled with the fact that YOU have long hair, carries the message of support. You don't have to mention his hair or yours to do that. That you both have long hair is obvious.
Oh, that other "Bill" post that says he compliments longhairs on their hair all the time was not posted by me. Just clearing that up so no one gets crossed signals concerning my approach to this topic.
I suppose it's just like if you went up to a woman who's a stranger and told her she's very beautiful, I'm sure she will either feel offended or even feel sexually harrassed and ditto for a fellow longhaired man.
I guess once you've made friends and have got to know each other a little you could reveal your admiration for his hair and he'll most probably appreciate it.
I'm not sure if I can agree with your argument that some longhaired men retain a dislike of long haired men from when they had short hair because if it were so, they wouldn't have long hair in the first place.
On another note I used to believe that there was an informal fraternity of long haired men and perhaps there was one in the 60's and early 70's but I'm sorry to say that such fraternal feelings exist among longhairs today as others on this board have testified to.
In the late 90's I thought up a religious order called the World Brotherhood of Longhair which worshipped a deity called the Supreme Hair and who all pledged to be peaceful, tollerant, internationalist, committed to non-violence and pledged not to cut their hair.
I wish there were such a thing as the World Brotherhood of Longhair but I guess it's just a fantasy -- a nice thought.
Sorry, in the late 80's
I guess once you've made friends and have got to know each other a little you could reveal your admiration for his hair and he'll most probably appreciate it.
I'm not sure if I can agree with your argument that some longhaired men retain a dislike of long haired men from when they had short hair because if it were so, they wouldn't have long hair in the first place.
On another note I used to believe that there was an informal fraternity of long haired men and perhaps there was one in the 60's and early 70's but I'm sorry to say that such fraternal feelings don't exist among longhairs today as others on this board have testified.
In the late 80's I thought up a religious order called the World Brotherhood of Longhair which worshipped a deity called the Supreme Hair and who all pledged to be peaceful, tollerant, internationalist, committed to non-violence and pledged not to cut their hair.
I still wish there were such a thing as the World Brotherhood of Longhair but I guess it's just a fantasy -- a nice thought.
Well, I had a longhair in a bar say to me once, "I don't talk to other longhairs." I don't know what his trip was, and at that point I really didn't want to know.
I do know that it is not uncommon for gay people, when they first move to a gay neighborhood and come out, to feel revulsion upon seeing same-sex affection on the street. They were conditioned to have that feeling back where they came from, and it takes time for any feelings to shift. Eventually it sinks down into the subconscious, where feelings come from, that they are one of those people and that it becomes okay.
I can imagine that some new longhairs still retain thoughts of prejudice concerning longhaired men, despite a strong personal need to have long hair. Making the jump from "I have long hair" to "I am a longhair" (a member of that group) can take time.
What takes longest is acceptance of people who are least like yourself. I now look back in amusement at the first time a street person spoke to me in a friendly manner rather than asking me for money. "Why is HE being friendly to ME?" was my first thought. Well, he had long hair, of course, and now when that happens I just smile. :-)
You have a point and it may be true in certain cases.
However, when I recall my own journey towards having and being a longhair, I already wanted to make friends with every longhair I saw, despite not being able to have longhair due to conditions of work, etc.
Then perhaps I was a longhair at heart.
Looking back, wasn't there a period when longhairs used to flash the peace sign and say "peace brother" to each other?
The anti-Vietnam war protests and the hippie era seems to have resulted in longhair indentifying the wearer's commitment to a common set of beliefs/lifestyle of love, peace, music resulting in a sense of fellowship which seems to have been lost today.
Perhaps the reasons for having longhair differ between heavy-metal headbangers, hippies, environmentalists, etc.
I've had longhaired street people asking me for money and I give some to them because they have longhair.
I still do that sometimes, but only if the guy looks like a real hippie. Since I have long hair I don't think they will be offended. If someone with short hair gives you the peace sign it is hard to know whether they are taking the mickey. Mostly I just say hi if I pass another longhair.
Not completely lost
I try to give them something whether they have long hair or not. There, but for the grace of god...
I think they beleive that we are more liberal and/or sympathetic, and that for the most part they are right. A conventional haircut goes with conventional views, such as "don't give them money, it only encourages them".
I'm glad to hear a more positive opinion on the matters I raised, at least it's heartening that the old flame did not completely die out.
I suppose the sense of fraternity and brotherhood existed especially among longhairs who were hippies and during the 60's and 70's I suppose the community was tighter and ideologies more coherent.
For instance, what similarities and differences in beliefs, outlook, lifestyle, etc are there between a longhair who's a hippie, an artist, a graphic designer, a heavy metal rocker or one who's a biker?
Each has decided that he will own himself. Sharing a mutual commitment to one's freedom can spawn a powerful bond.
I'm not too sure about that, Bill. I have long hair but I don't find it helps me bond with other longhairs, not even my longhaired colleagues.
There's more people into the Fellowship of The Ring here than the Fellowship of Long Hair.
This bonding was more noticeable back in the 70's when longhairs felt they were mutually into a lifestyle and belief system even though it was very much an informal kind of fellowship.
Bill
well its about time you realized that nice people will be nice with short or long hair - and mean people will be mean with short or long hair
i dont get this sense of "brotherhood" some of you feel toward others with long hair
My guess is he missinterpreted the meaning of what you said. Some people can't hear or process the meaning communicated in tone of voice, therefore not knowing if the statement "Nice hair" was made sincerely (supporting--it's good we both have long hair) or in sarcasm (insult--my hair is better than yours). Or maybe he just didn't have enough time to figure out what you said.
Not relief, but admiration.
A few years ago, my company hired some new CSRs, and I was asked to pay a visit to the training room, to serve as temporary backup for the lead trainer, as the trainees began taking their first live calls. One of the trainees - some kid who looked to be in his early twenties - saw me as I was coming into the room, and was immediately reduced to the appearance of someone who'd just lost a loved one. I ask him if he was ok, and he somberly replied, "My family talked me into getting a hair cut when I interviewed for this job." I asked him how long it had been, and he said, "About as long as your's." All I could manage to console him with was, "Ouch. That sucks."
I assured him of the company's liberal dress code, and told him he was welcome to start growing it back. He quit a few months later. Dunno what happened.
Truth is, I've never felt a kin-ship with other long-haired men. I've never felt inclined to compliment other men on their manes. I see one, and if our eyes meet, we share a simple nod and a polite smile. The ONLY exception to my attitude has, and will always be, this forum.
Whenever I see another long haired guy, I make it a point to say "nice hair", "i like your hair", "great hair dude"
whatever. I have never had a negative look or response - always a thank you or some other appreciation. I have been doing this ever since a young man many many years my junior once said to me-"I Like the hair" He too was a long hair. To me it was such a great positive, validating feeling. So I ALWAYS acknowledge long haired guys not matter what their age.
I have been doing the same as has Bill for the past two months and ALWAYS receive a positive reaction. It is really rather nice........almost like you have just acquired a nice friend in only a matter of a few seconds. :-)