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My dad made me get another f***ing trim. The God d*am lady too more than an inch off. And he wants me to get it trimmed once a month. I f***ing swear hes getting to be more and more of an a**hole to the whole family. Im feel like ripping out his insides and weaving them into a noose to hang him with.
Sorry I had to vent.......
Don't be sorry for venting! That's why we're here... sorta.
I know how you feel, my dad used to be the same way.It's a shame too, because it drove a wedge between us that never DID get resolved. We were at each other's throats all the time, and my long hair was a big part of it, altho not ALL of it.
Looking back on it, instead of getting into arguments about it, I should have simply said 'no' and walked away, and if he told me not to walk away from him, I should have stated calmly that if he wants to talk rationally about the subject, that would be great, but if he wants to tell me how I'M going to look and there's no room for discussion, then I'm done talking AND getting haircuts.
That might not work with all 'rents, but it might have with mine. I don't know what your home situation is like, but maybe you could try something similar. I've looked at your pics and I have to say you look ALOT better with long hair, especially when you smile! :)
Good luck!
...strengthens your long term goal.
Just gently remind him with a smile that the more he makes you get it cut now the more you are determined to grow it long when you are free to.
Make sure that it doesn't become a revenge on Papa thing though.
Please don't be sorry you had to vent Aaron. In my opinion (even though he's your dad) he sounds to be a VERY controling individual who delights in taking your unique individually away. (He may not understand that he is doing so.....but he IS!) WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An OUTRAGE! Alas, while still living under HIS "Almight Roof," you have to abide by HIS rules I suppose. TYRANT! (If something like that had ever happened to myself when I was 15................well we won't get into that one.
I think Hair Religion speaks to you great advice.
Good Luck...........and NEVER give-up.
Man, I feel your pain, but you've gotta stick up for yourself.
When you say "made you", how did he make you? Like actually drag you to the barbers? Dude, even if he does that, you can always fight back because that WOULD BE ASSAULT.
You've gotta have strength in yourself to stand up for the right to grow long hair.
*Gets angry again*
Not with you, just with the world.
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JoNty
Oh nooo! I'm so sorry to hear this, I know how this must feel...but how exactly is your dad forcing you to do a trim?? Its sad he doesn't let you have your hair how you want and it looks good not messy or so...
does he understand that the more he makes you get trims the more that its gonna be stuck in the awkward stage? And whats it to him?
How about posting pics? It might not be as bad as you think.
How far away are you from your goal?
I hope you can avoid future trims. Once a month is just too often. Keep us informed, I am always looking for hints on how I can get out of haircuts too.
a trim a month, I've never had a trim because i think my hair looks better without them, anyway - get your dad told, how old are you, tell him you don't need people to make your decisions
Last month you said that he agreed to let you grow your hair long....and now you tell us this. What gives?
I dunno, he goes back on stuff all the time. You guys are right though, he can't physically make me get a hair cut. The hell im getting it cut once a month!
I think you may very well have made a good point here Aaron. (Do you know of any attorneys who could tell you what your "Legal" rights are at 15 about getting Haircuts? Just to be sure of course before the next "battle.") The fact that your Dad goes back and forth all the time is very hard for someone your age to take.......even at my age! I would be rippin mad as are you. Your photos showed excellent progress and you hardly were an eye-sore to the Human Race. (Quite to the contrary.) Hang in there. You have LOTS of support from us!
There's the Citizen's Advice Bureau.
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JoNty
"hell im getting it cut once a month!"
That's the spirit! Bring on the hair!
Be prepared for his usual hassling in another month or so. Simply ignore everything he says, and when I say ignore, I mean ignore. Don't even acknowledge him talking about it. Of course, he'll probably go nuclear after a few minutes, but let him. I would suggest trying to talk to him, but I get the impression he isn't a very approachable person. If he starts grownding you and forbidding you doing stuff, go along with it. Be passive basically. It won't last forever. Ohh, and keep an eye on him, since he may try and cut it at night or when you're not expecting it so you have to get it cut properly again. Got a lock on your bedroom?
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JoNty
Hah! My mother hates both! She wasn't satisified when I had a shaved head, short cropped hair or a flattop or any facial hair (goatee and full beard). She never liked it when I grew my hair more than a few inches. To please her, it has to be just right. As far as she's concerned, the only look I (or any guy) should have is clean cut with a 1950s businessman's haircut, net & tidy and parted to the right. Oh please! That would be swell, don't be such a square, dadio!
On a sidenote, when I was about 14 I told my mother I wanted to grow my hair long, and on another occasion I told her I wanted to get my left ear pierced. She asked me (sarcastically) if I'd like a bow or ribbon to put in my hair. Too bad for her, I've had both ears pierced for years now and I'm growing my hair out. Time for me to do something for myself and have a look that I'm happy with.
Hah, sounds exactly like my mother...50's hair style and all
You do look better with longer hair. Could you trim your hair yourself? That way you would be following the letter of your father's request, though just giving yourself a micro-trim each month. It is easier to trim curlier hair, accuracy doesn't matter as much, but you could probably do it with your hair.
After reading this thread, I have more sympathy for my 13-year old nephew's desire to grow a mullet. His father won't let him. Even an ugly haircut can be fixed quickly. Parents really don't need to control children's hair style. Perhaps your father fears that your long hair reflects badly on his ability to control you. First long hair, then he might become a mass murderer.
In my nephew's case, he has to grow his hair quickly before he loses it, if he inherits his father's baldness. Baldness doesn't always come from the mother's side of the family.
Damn dude, I bookmarked your site as inspiration for me. You've came along way and look much better with longer hair.
An inch off is a hard one, thats like 2 months of growth for the average person.
My hair grows an inch a month tho, so I guess i'm lucky.
My hair just now reaches my eyebrows so I have a way to go.
If you have aol instant messanger and want to talk my name is jaysimo50
my MSN is jaysimo@hotmail.com
Good luck.
Your father must really take pleasure in tormenting you. Tell him (politely) "dad, you really wouldn't understand unless you were in my shoes." I know this may sound lame, but if you say it often enough you might just let him know how much it means to you to have your hair long. But some people just don't even want to listen.
For example, a few years ago when I decided to become a vegetarian, many people, my parents included, just didn't understand that when I said no meat, I really meant NO meat. Not "just a little bit" but NONE! I kept telling them that they'd have to be a vegatarian to understand, and that before I became one, I didn't fully understand myself. I used to think "oh a little won't hurt him/her" but now I know. It's the same way with your dad, if he never wanted to grow his hair long, he definately wouldn't understand, and sorry to say, but it will probably be an uphill battle. He probalbly just thinks it's some crazy teenage rebellious stage you're going through, try telling him guys of all ages have long hair.
On a sidenote, I think long hair TOTALLY suits you. With short hair you looked dead common, if you don't mind me saying so, but with longer hair, you look awesome! I really mean it. In the last few pics I can see you SMILING, a smile of genuine pleasure, so I can tell that it really made you happy to see your hair long.
Anyways, good luck man...
yeah, dads can be some real bastards, just be patient, youll find it useless to get mad in the end, because either way, no matter what you say, they wont care, trust me. youve got 2 options, either move out(I know its not likely) or just wear him down, if youre a good person in general, with time hell just give up and let you do it. Its frustrating as hell I know, but just hang in there.
Well, I hate to break it to you but youre kinda in a pickle here. You can't get a decent job yet to move out on your own and make your own rules of your own house because of child labor laws. As for your 'right' to have long hair contrary to your parents wishes I don't think that is considered to be an unreasonable request by them. You may not like it or agree with it but its not reason enough to make you custody of the state. If you go live with another relative then you must follow their house rules good or bad as you see them. Good things come to those who wait and you don't have but 3 years for that. I would say focus on your future and decide where you want to be by the time college gets here then you can truly be happy knowing that you will have other options other than going back to living at their house if your first plan doesn't work. That doesn't mean you have to let go of your dream though. I would recomment you sit and have a man/man talk with him and convince him on your intentions. It's been around 13 years for me and I'm still wondering if the time is right but I believe it is so I'm gonna give it a shot. Btw, my dad's the same way. He thinks long haired guys are gay and he will throw a tantrum and not want to talk to me anymore. He will get over it sooner or later and learn to live with it because that is MY wish regardless of what he wants. Just like a tattoo. If I want one, he has no say in the matter either.
Next time he comes at you, I guess it is time for another 25 mile walk.
Aaron
Sorry man, I really feel for you.
Only thing to say is remind your Dad that hair only grows half an inch a month. If he keeps making you keep having trims like that every 4 weeks and you'll be bald inside a year.
Maybe it would help if we started a petition on your behalf - Save Aarons Hair!
Signatures below...
...Aaron! That was funny how you mentioned what happened! :)
But yeah, that's too bad about your haircut. Have you told your dad that you want long hair? If so, what did he say? I'd imagine that if you were you able to wear it neatly in a tail then he wouldn't mind as much. Hang in there, though. Worse comes to worse, you'll just have to grow it the way you want to when you move out!
Thanks for all the encouragement. You guys are right, if I say no he can't really make me get it cut and he'll just give up eventually. Don't worry i'm not gonna let him control how I look.
It's so sad when parents force the hair issue to get between them and their children. I really feel for you. I know what it's like. The endless tug of war between me wanting to grow my hair and my parents wanting me to cut it resulted in my spending the better part of my life in the awkward stage. It wasn't until I just refused to sit still for any kind of cut that things changed for the better. The ultimate irony is that now my dad says nothing about my hair at all and my mom actually told me she likes it! Go figure.
The lesson here is that things didn't get better until I MADE THEM GET BETTER!
I suspect there is more going on in your family then the issue of hair. If there is domestic violence, child abuse or child sexual abuse, then there are laws in the USA that can get the monster locked up in jail and throw away the key.
correction:
is what I meant to say is that if repeated offenses occured, that there could be a few years sentence for each offense adding up to a total sentence of hundreds of years, virtually locking him up and throwing away the key.
I think you are reading between the lines and seeing something that isn't there Tim.
Aaron's smart and well informed, he knows what he has to do. Reflective has it bang on. We all know it!
I guess Aaron is 1 of out of 50 or so people who are reading and following this message topic. If (hopefully) there is no serious problem in Aaron's family, then there probably are others reading this topic who think that the wish of torture-murder depicted in the first post indicates some problems that can exist in other families. I think most people want a positive relationship with their parents. If that can't be achieved then there is a need to separate themselves from the problem parent. And if there is ongoing child abuse or the inability to escape, it's better to legally bring them to justice then to risk letting it regress into a family blood bath. I know about cases after cases where people in abusive homes refuse to get out, and end up in jail or dead. And in jail, some states and countries don't allow long hair.
If my interpretation of the initial post is off, then maybe the mass media and violent video games has degraded the populace to the point where saying you feel like "ripping out his insides and weaving them into a noose to hang him with." is no big deal.
Yet another fool trying to pin violence on video games. Why is it when someone makes a "violent" statement as such, all the soccer mom, panty wastes, feel the appearent need to point toward video games? Words are just words my friend, people talk non-sence like that all the time. You might get away with that whole video game argument if he actualy DID sling his dad from a tree with his insides, but you would still be false, because one would have to be pretty messed up to begin with to do such a thing and video games would be a pretty minor addition to say the least.
I wasn't trying to blame violence on computer games. The person who commits the crime is responsible--we should not place the blame on guns, alcohol, TV, computer games, etc.
Is what I was trying to say is that mass media content influences what people say, how language is used and what is considered appropriate to say. The invention of computers has made words like Internet or software everyday words. When broadcast radio and TV become popular, there were limits on types of language that people found offensive--such as 4 letter words or adult content not to be broadcast to general audiences. Computer games are getting very popular and now law makers are questioning if some games should be treated like x-rated porn. And, when use of 4-letter words, torture, and violance become part of everyday speech, many people say this is degrading what is considered normal everyday speech.
I can personally attest to this:
I was born before video games, music videos, etc, in a time when a man and woman even when married could not be shown on tv in a bed together. There were no 3, 4, 5, etc words allowed on tv. I still cussed like a sailor. And drank. And did drugs.
My grandmother and grandfather were/are "upper middle class." They raised 6 children. Three are VERY "well to do," 2 experiment/experimented with drugs and are/were "hippies," and one was a well to do gay who also experimented with drugs (we lost him 8 years ago to aids, and I miss him dearly). And these were raised before I was even thought of, when television was just coming out...back in Janis Joplin and Beatles days. They were all raised the same way, by the same parents, in the same era. How did they all become so different? They were all instilled with the same worths, values, went to baptist church every Sunday (as was I)? Why did any of them cuss, do drugs, or find very good jobs leading to their ultimate happiness...or not?
It isn't television, video games, the parents, or any other influence. It's who you are and your choices. You choose what you want to be, who you are, and what your influences are. It's all up to you.
I've now forgotten what I'm even commenting on, but I can say this:
Aaron is a very smart young man, and he speaks/writes quite eloquently. He is very well raised. His father may be a dominant, controlling person. Aaron, in his knowledge of the english language, may say many things. I said many things about my mother at his age...much worse than he has. I was never abused, and if I had it would have ended way before it got very far. But, I would always speak my mind in any way I felt neccessary to blow off steam and get my point across.
And I now have no point. Oh! He was just blowing off steam dude. Don't get so technical about what people write and what you think they mean. If he was being literal, I doubt he would have written about it...before doing it.
Makes me wonder what you've gone through.
OK OK OK, I should have never SAID/WRITTEN anything. I guess it's more offensive to suggest there maybe a family problem then to talk of torture/murder of family members.
Sorry to hear about that.
There are so many bigots in this world.
Mine too is uncool about long hair.
When you ask them all, under which law are we forced to cut our hair, they are unable to answer.