new thread
Hello everyone,
I am a 14/m, and I currently have long, straight blond hair about down to my mouth. I've been wanting to grow it long ever since I could remember (Kurt Cobain days). I've found that alot of girls I talk to like my hair longer, except for one acception: my mom. she refuses to talk to me until I cut this "diguisting hippy doo" off of my head. But I like it, although I will admit it does get in the way sometimes. Alot of times I just feel like cutting it short for the hell of it, just for a change. I also have pressure at work (Hersheypark) to get it cut soon...cause rules say it can't be passed shoulder length, which wouldnt be a problem for me. But what I really want to know is, how should I handle my mom? Should I cut my hair? Email me or reply on the board...thanks!!
Kevin
Well, here's what I think you should do. You should respect your parent's wishes and do what they say. On the other hand, parents can be persuaded. Two ways come immediately to mind. Persistence (nagging) and giving them something they really want. The latter is the much better option. The specific item you choose is up to you. You may also wish to point your mother in the direction of this website to give her a feel for what you are after.
I agree with you Victor to some degree,I started growing my hair long when I was 12 because I thought it would be cool,and it was,I grew up with my conservative grandparents and after alot of persuading and defiance,they agreed to let me be myself and keep my longhair,so there are ways around your parents in a positive way that allowed me to be myself and be happy about myself.and of course over the years I did get critisized for my long hair but always defied everyone,but a coulple of yrs ago I cut it all off on an inpulse and realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life by doing so.I just started letting it grow back ouy 6months ago and I will never make the same mistake twice.
Thankyou for this board for the inspiration and support it has given me.
Tony C
your hair sounds really great!My brother went through something similar with our mum when he had long hair.He basically ignored her,and in the end she got used to it.You`re right-girls do prefer long hair.At least,I do!It is the most wonderful feature a man can have ,in my humble opinion.It`s just so attractive.So,good luck with your mum,and remember keep it long!!!!!Love Harrietxx
Hi Kevin,
You wrote:
Don't "cut off your nose to spite your face"! If you truthfully feel being shorthaired would be a nice change, then cut it. But I don't think that is your feeling, or you would not have posted here. :-) Remember that it will take a year or more to replace your hair if you remove it. Our standard recommendation is that you do nothing unless you've felt a change is in order for two weeks running, without any wavering in your thought. One should never cut long hair on the spur of the moment, or because out of the blue someone else suggests it.
As a minor, legally, when push comes to shove, you must do what your parents say if it is reasonable. How harmful it would be to you to force you to cut your hair would depend upon how strongly long hair is part of your identity. Longer hair was so much a part of my identity, and my mother was so obsessed with forcing me to cut it, that in retrospect as an adult I consider her actions to have been grossly abusive. I no longer communicate with her as a result. When you are 18, this will be among your choices. Is this what your mother wants?
Victor is right. You should sit down with your mother and discuss how important long hair is, or is not, to you. Look over the material in "On Being a Longhair" and also talk about the discrimination that as a longhair you will face. All of us older guys would tell you that you will at various times in your life face some. Then together, decide what is best for you, considering the environment around you and the identity you have, both things that you really cannot change.
Many of us here have decided having long hair is the best way for us to make life's journey, but your decision must be what's best for you.
Good luck, Kevin, and we wish you the best, living with whatever you decide.
Hi Kevin,
I too agree with Victor and Bill on this one. That you may be forced into this one, but look on the bright side, you have five more years or so in that household before you can go either to college or out into the workforce and do as you will. I would attempt to sit her down and tell her that your long hair is some you really want and enjoy and that you are getting to an age where you have find out what is right for you. If you are doing your part around the house (helping out with chores and all), keeping your grades up in school, and staying out of trouble, then you should be given the freedom to keep your hair. These are the things parents like to hear and see. I'm a mom myself and I guess in many respects I would be considered a hippy, but I am by no means an outcast. Most of the people I hang around are extremely conservative, but they let me alone and allow me the space to be myself. My stepson also had long hair and even pierced his ear at 9 and he was a very good kid and was an honor student all the way up through his schooling. My daughter is 2 and I give her all the freedom in the world when it comes to dressing and expressing herself, and she's welcomed to do whatever when she becomes a teenager as long as she keeps herself together and follow the house rules. I do not think its right that your mom not talk to you or ridicules your hair as a put down. That sounds selfish to me. If I were you, if you do your part around the house and in school, I say stick to your guns and keep your hair. You're almost a man now and you have to decide what is right for you. Sit down with her and tell her how important it is that you be allowed to look the way you want and wear your hair the way you want. Hey, I wore a dog collar and had purple hair when I was a teenager and my parents hated it, but they knew I was going to do it anyway so they left me alone about it, since I did my chores and kept my grades up in school. Good luck to you.
Chaeya
Hi Kevin,don't cut your hair because your mom or job want you too,do what YOU want to do and don't let someone pressure you into something you're not sure about.You really need to think over cutting your hair off just for the Hell of it,I had hair about 6" past my shoulders back in '96 and decided that"just for the Hell of it " I would get it all cut off,I was 23 and had long hair since I was 12 yrs old,and trust me cutting all your hair off is something you DON'T do without a great deal of thought,I did it without thinking it over (on an impulse)and it was the biggest mistake of my life.I've had mine short for a couple of yrs now and just started letting it grow back out in Nov,98 and it is in that 70's awekward stage now and it's driving me crazy, that I got it cut in the first place.
So alway's remember my thought on hair,"you can cut it off in a matter of seconds, but it takes a Hell of a lot LONGER to grow it back out" so really think this one out before you make the same mistake I did.
Tony C
Hi, Kevin. I think you're getting some good advice, so I won't duplicate what everyone else has already said.
The first thing that struck me in reading your post had less to do with you, and everything to do with your Mom. If it isn't too indelicate to ask, how old is she? When was she born? If you're the age you are, then my guess is your Mom came of age in the '60s or '70s (just like me!), in which case she's probably trying to keep you from becoming like her peers were at that age!! The generation gap obviously hasn't closed all that much in the last 35 years.
You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, so don't be afraid to trust your own judgment. Your folks are there to guide you, not to prevent you from falling. Sometimes the 'right thing to do' doesn't mesh with what we want for ourselves at the moment, but as time goes by you'll probably be happy with the way things average out.
Beisdes, you can always grow your hair later as a defense against advancing middle age; trust me, it ain't as far off as you think!
##
Dear Kevin --
Your mother will talk to you sooner or later. Keep your hair. However, make sure you are doing your homework and trying to get good grades in school. Ask what you can do around the house to help. Be a really mature guy and show that you desserve to have a personal opinion about yourself and present yourself in your style. Let it grow below your shoulders and work somewhere else next year if you want.
Hey Kevin:
You are a young man trying to express yourself as you wish. I have no problem with that, even though I prefer a man to have a military short haircut or shaved head. Do you keep your hair clean and neat looking? I am asuming you do since you work at Hershey. I am sure you don't tell your mother how to wear her hair, tell her she has no right to tell you how to wear yours. I don't care if she pays the bills or not... that is the most infuriating remark a parent can make about his/her offspring. A man's hair is his own as much as any other body part. I have to wonder though, is this just you trying to be rebellious... or do you want to have long hair? I say that because you mentioned that you have thought about getting a haircut for a "change". If it is rebellion you are after, give it up and get a haircut dude.
Kevin, see if you can reach a compromise on the length of your hair for your mom. I know everyone on this board says go long, but remember, it's your mom and while you're living with her at least, respect her wishes. That's not to say you need a crew cut, but see if there's a compromise there that you both can live with. You'll be outta school in a few short years and living on your own. You can then go crazy with it if you want, but for now, see if you can work something out.
Can they really have rules about not growing the hair long?
Anyway, give your mom some time. And try to have your hair in a ponytail sometimes, moms use to like that better.
The time between the when you have your hair short and whne you have it long is alway very hard. But when it get's longer and people are use to it, I tihnk even your mom will think it's ok