new thread
I was talking to this fellow a little while back and he was acting very snobbish. I finally asked him what his problem was and he told me that I looked like a slob. My hair is all a little longer than the base of my neck now, I let it hang often and I usually wear faded t-shirts and worn out jeans and I wear tall moccasin boots. I guess I do kind of look like a slob, but that man said that men were meant to dress nice and keep their hair short and stay shaved and all that. I hate that steriotype. Men can do whatever they want with their hair and dress how they want to as long as they have clothes on. What's worse is now my mom is trying to get me to cut it again. I'm 18, I don't have to cut it if I don't want to! Sheesh, people have no tolerance for anything they don't like. I'm not depressed or anything but it ticks me off.
We are judged on our appearance. During the awkward stage uncut hair can make a guy look sloppy. If this is combined with an overall disheveled look it can lead to misinterpretation of our employment and social status (i.e. people will think you are a 'bum'). If this is important to you, and it seems to be, I suggest you make an effort to present yourself in the best possible light. Make sure you shave every day and/or keep any facial hair groomed. Bump your wardrobe up a notch to compensate. Instead of wearing a faded t-shirt wear a new, clean t-shirt. Wear dockers instead of jeans. I followed this very advice when I was in the awkward stage and I didn't have many problems (I was once ask for directions to the local jail).
BTW, sometimes there is nothing you can do. Years ago, when I was still wearing a military-style haircut, I was two weeks into growing a full beard when I went directly from work (still wearing business casual) to a local soup kitchen for my regular volunteer evening. The elderly lady at the door didn't recognize me and wouldn't let me inside. Because of my scruffy beard she thought I was a 'customer'!
I agree. My experience has been that many people will give you "one weird thing". If they see "long hair" as a weird thing, everything else had better be clean and neat if you are going to pass in many levels of society.
This situation is not always fair. A white kid can wear beat up clothes and be seen as just casual. A black kid can wear the same clothes and be seen as a criminal.
All of us can't always get by with just one "weird thing", but to the extent we can minimize the number of "weird things", we'll be better accepted. If wearing beat up clothes doesn't mean much to you, for example, sacrifice that instead of foregoing long hair. Trim your beard a bit more often than you would have to if you didn't have long hair. Or keep it shorter. Or do without it.
You can't change your skin color, and for many longhairs doing without facial hair or certain clothes is not really an option either. But to the extent that unusual matters don't matter much to you, you can chuck them if you want to be more accepted.
I would say don't pay much attention to what people think. Alot of my relatives think it inapropriate to dress a certain way, or to wear your hair long. But it all comes down to just one thing: WHAT YOU WANT. people cant make you do something you dont want to do. And if they have a problem with it, well.. Time to find a new crowd.
Hello Ivix,
People can and will say a lot of thoughtless things. This man who told you his grand view on how men should dress and be styled also apparently felt free to act snobbish toward you. Of the pair of you, he is the one that needs to make changes, not you.
Hugs for you for having to deal with that,
Elizabeth
Oh yeah, I have been wondering for a bit where your name comes from. Can you tell me?
Thanks for your support, it is appreciated. My name, Ivix, is a nickname I have made up for myself, but it is more than a nickname: it is who I am. The name suits me well, it is a balanced name for a balanced person. Thanks for your curiosity, I don't kill cats.
Power, Wisdom, Courage: Balance these, Balance Life! Take care.
I can be reached at ivixthelegendary@hotmail.com
Well, for what MY opinion is worth, I happen to like the look you described very much. I dress similarly myself and I have ever since I was about 14 or so, except for the hi-top moc's. (I'm a welder and I don't think they'd last very long!) My mother is constantly on me too about 'the look'. I figured she'd have given that up loooong ago, but she still harps at me abou it! I just try to very obviously ignore her and usually she either changes the subject or goes away.
Try not to let people get to you. I know it's hard and I shouldn't be the one giving this advice because I'm always shooting my mouth off at someone after they've said something to me about it. It's difficult, I know. My favorite comeback to these jerks is usually something along the lines of, "Yeah, I can cut my hair and then I'd look 'decent', but no matter what YOU do, you'll always be a jerk. There's no changing that!" Sometimes that shuts them up, sometimes it enrages them, but at least it's fun!
How old are you?
Heh, unfortunatley, OLD! 43 this month.
But I don't FEEL any different than I did at 16, and I don't have any gray yet.
But like I said earlier, be true to yourself and live how YOU want to. Despite my long hair and the way I normally dress, I've been a career firefighter and paramedic for 20 years. Actions and performance speak louder than looks, long hair or anything else, so be good at whatever it is you decide to do that makes you your living and let everyone else think whatever they want about you.
I can only agree with Gollan and Bill.
The way I see it, you have two options:
1) if your clothes etc mean a lot to you and you don't want to "go up a notch" as someone put it, all you can really do is relax and not let such narrow-minded attitudes upset you [easy to say, I know].
2) otherwise, just follow Bill and Gollan's advice about wearing neat/ clean clothes [that doesn't mean you need to look like you've just walked out of Zegna's, lol], and shaving/ trimming facial hair regularly.
Good Luck!
Do what I do. Try to figure out a way that those people couldn't possibly get by in life without you.
Ha! Ha! Just kidding.
Another thing I do when people bug me is to go buy something really nice for myself. Selfish huh?
Just be sure to take a bath and wash those old faded t-shirts.
As a woman, I have absolutely no attraction to a man with short hair wearing a suit and tie. Boring.
Keep Smiling!
Why do you wear faded Tshirts and worn jeans? You have to ask yourself what "image" you're trying to have. If you look like a slob, are you a slob? Just a question to ask yourself...
As far as the long hair goes, you fit the "stereotype" of a guy with long hair, since you also choose to wear those types of clothes. I'm not cutting up your choice, but there is something to say about "first impressions". That guy only said those things to you because you asked him what his problem was. He would not have told you those things unless you asked. (By the way, do you think you might've been a little rude by asking him what his problem was? Might there have been another way of wording your question?)
I have long hair, but I don't even own a pair of jeans. I never wear Tshirts out of my house. I wear an oxford shirt and a tie every day. I dress very conservatively (because I am conservative). The only thing non-conservative about me is my long hair (a couple of inches above my waist). Some people still react to me in a certain way due to my long hair, but for the most part I don't have problems.
Remember, it's not just your hair that is making an impression. Your actions and words say a lot about you...
People do make judgements on appearances - we all do, that's human nature. The trick is to play the game by your own rules. I wear a suit for work because I am working in the corporate environment. However, I wear a made-to-measure suit from a Chinese tailor, so the cut is different to the norm. I also wear a Gothic full length coat from Dark Angel (these guys realise that men have figures too). Finished off with black western boots, the final "look" can't be criticised for not being smart - but I am subtly thumbing my nose at convention and people know it. And that, my friend, is the fun part.
For me, jeans and tee shirts are strictly for lounging about at home.
Dark Angel has some gorgeous clothes.
Dark Angel long haired male models are equally gorgeous.