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Really... I don't get it!
What's with these people who think its their place to tell you what to do with your hair?
Comments like:
"Get a haircut!" - "You look like a girl" etc.
Which normally trigger a response like:
"Er... sod off and mind your own business?" - "So that's why you haven't got a girlfriend!"
What's with these people? OK we know they are idiots, we know they are biggots, but why are they like that? Their must be some psychological explanation for their attitude?
Could this work along the same lines as Bully's secretly supressing their own insecurities by lashing out at others? - Are they closet longhairs, frustrated by their own hang-ups?
What's the deal with these people?
- Are they closet longhairs, frustrated by their own hang-ups?
This has never happened to me in public but there are a LOT of longhaired men where I live ! (I've often wondered why). Just visit the shampoo aisle of Asda Harrogate and you'll meet us all !
Your closet longhair idea could be true for some but I think these are probably just the same two-brain-cell types that make racist and sexist remarks.
Yes! - another Yorkshireman on the board - man I feel at home!
I think your bang on.
I believe it's because long haired men upset the "order" that is forced upon males in this society. One of the ways this so-called "civilized world" has sought to control a man's behavior is to attempt to control the length of his hair, in order to "tame" him. It's the principle behind the little boy's first haircut at age three while the little girl's hair is pretty much left to her own, dress codes that prescribe hair-length for men and not for women and men getting shorn when entering the military and prisons. By being a longhair, you are bucking the system somewhat, which says that men are "supposed" to have short hair. Your hecklers are showing their insecurity when they are faced with an alternative they are not used to. People who conform almost always seek familiarity. You hair is not "familiar" to them and, rather than rethink their narrowed parameters, they lash out at you and your hair, thus giving them a sense of power their insecurity made them think was compromised. Just as someone ignorant is threatened and possibly wants to destroy something they don't understand. Avoid them. And if you want to be charitable, pity them for they don't know what they're doing. But it's THEIR problem and, if need be, they need to shoot it out amongst themselves.
I hope that helped. I can pontificate at times!
By the way Sorted... you have wonderful, beautiful hair. I think you're doing absolutely the right thing growing it long. Good luck!
Thanks!
If I were to go along with your point of view, I would add to it that what you are saying could possibly be that society has decided to distinguish gender by their appearances. Girls wear long hair, men wear short. Girls wear makeup, Men should not, etc... Maybe men wanted people to be able to easily and quickly identify gender without confusion.
I only wanted to add one more thing with that said; What I have noticed throughout my journey is that men are more acceptable to change of actions and appearances from woman than to man. To give you examples; Woman with other woman (generally acceptable by man), Men with other Men (Not as generally acceptable), Woman can do almost anything with their hair, not true with man, Woman's clothing (Pretty much can wear anything, men cannot). These are some examples throughout my own observations.
I think what you added is very true. My main theory is, however, that it is primarily a power issue concerning the length of a man's hair. If you can make a man cut his hair, you can very easily control him. It has been done for centuries in many diverse cultures. What the mysterious connection between a man's hair and his spirit is I have no idea, but I believe it's there, and when a man is pressured to cut his hair and he doesn't want that, and he submits, a part is his spirit is bound. The hecklers that Sorted describes, were, in my opinion, confronted with someone they may think hasn't been "impowered" by another, and it made them insecure, as possibly they have been impowered by others with their hair as the method of impowerment. To them it the way it's "supposed" to be (they may be thinking: "A man SHOULD have short hair... Why? We don't know... he JUST IS!"), what a man is "supposed" to submit to. So rather than anaylze their own choices, they attempt to devalue what they don't understand... the result: a heckle in public, almost always done in the company of their peers, which they hope will validate their ugly behavior.
I also think you're right about hair length being one of the ways society prefers to have the sexes differentiated. It's easy, it doesn't require much thought, it requires almost no imagination, and it's VERY boring. And the person who chooses to follow his own style and taste is frequently and absurdly given hell for it.
Did you ever notice that humans are backwards from all other animal species in this sense? Normally, the male has the brighter colors, or more adornments (look at birds, deer, etc.), but with humans, the standard is just the opposite.
NT
My opinion about this is that it stems from their up-bringing, which includes their environment and culture. I use to also make such comments when I was a young boy. I have to say that I was guilty and I believe the reasons were related to "difference", and "abnormal", due from how I was raised and the peers around me. Growing up, I honestly believed that man should wear their hair not as long as girls. This behavior was so much around me when I was young, that it consumed me as well. As I got older and saw more of the world and experienced other cultures, my understanding and knowledge grew along with me. I became an independent thinker and my interests of other cultures began to peak. I believe that those in their adult ages still making such comments, have not been able to reach this level of Critical Thinking. Had this same group grew up in an environment where all or most men wore long hair, I do not believe they would be making these same comments today. This group is stuck on the "why", where as we are beyond that.
I've had this happen to me twice, and I consider both times positive experiences. Most recently, I was at a party with a bunch of people I didn't know, and my friend thought he'd stir up some trouble by telling this group of girls all about my strict conservative values (I'm not conservative for the record. My friend just knew these girls were very very liberal). Anyway, one of them made a comment like , "Wow, I've never met a long-haired republican before." The only thing I heard was "long-haired" and I was overjoyed. For the rest of the night, I couldn't stop thinking that I was now officially long-haired. Anyway, my point is these experiences are greatly shaped by our reaction to them, and something potentially volitile can be turned into something great if you think carefully about what is being said and who is saying it.
Interesting point of view. Some of my own observations have suggested to me that sometimes when you hear, "Get a haircut!", and depending from who as well as reading their body language, it is their way of expressing to you, "Wow!, what a change!", or "I don't know what to say, so I'm going to say...". I do agree with you in that sometimes, these are indeed positive experiences if we actually take a moment and listen to the person more carefully.
No doubt the last one is very efficient, lol
I think that the first part "supressing their own insecurities" is definitely the case for some/ most. Also it's a case of "well, the majority have short hair so I must have short hair too because I must be a good little citizen and follow the herd." Most humans are herd animals. So anyone who doesn't fit into the herd is treated accordingly and the more insecure cattle will scoff openly. I have no doubt that most people who pass us by in the street scoff inwardly but we'll never know about it. It is probably part of a subconcious herd instinct from way back. That's my theory, and yes, it took me all of two minutes to think up!
They could be puzzled or perplexed or bewildered or surprised or...
simply unable to fit you into the precut slots they have fashioned for people.
The easiest way for them to 'understand' you is to
classify you as something 'odd' or something out of the ordinary
that must be put down in order to be 'controlled' and comfortably 'classified'
in their little minds.
The larger the population the more people who think that they need to be at the top (of what I don't know) and the way to do this is to attempt to dominate others. If you can get a person to change their appearance and/or the way they think to reflect your ideas then you have a controlling influence over them. Sometimes it can be constructive but often not.
It could also be something along the lines of "kicking the dog" syndrome. Someone kicked you so you go home and kick the dog because you can (and have no one else to kick).
Just remember that people in general fear change (something other than what they have become accustomed to), but the more you become educated about things the less you have to fear about those things.
I actually had that happen with a teacher (who was losing his hair). He asked me when I was going to get a haircut, I just replied, "Why, do you want some?" And everyone around was just roaring.
Maybe everyone should have a good list of comebacks.
I guess you have to have some humour and a good attitude. It's easier to deal people that you know...as for strangers...it's a harder game to play. You don't know which way they are going to take your counter-attack (comeback). They may take it and accept, insult you again, or even come after you. "Interesting game, the only winning move is not to play." ~Joshua, War Games.
Actually I think HairReligion has(had) a list on his web site.
I've no shortage of comebacks - I just won't why people make these comments in the first place.
Who knows...people can spend their lifetime studying the reasons the way people act.
One of the most helpful things I have learned when working with children is never to ask why they have just done something that was not appropriate. (As a side note, I bet this goes for parenting too. Skip the "why?" because it is not productive.) For the most part, they don't even know why they did something.
My feeling is hecklers are the same. While I would like to have a modicum of understanding for them and tie their actions to some hurt of their own, there are people out there that are just mean because they can be. Very few of them limit it to hair comments, it is remarking on anything that does not match the norm.
For those that go on about mens' hair length only, it is a mix of ignorance, egocentrism, and utter rudeness. Best we can hope for on them is that many adult sons of theirs have long hair and it bothers the heckler to no end. Though we can also do our bit to make them feel bad, if possible. How about the response in a dead serious tone, "What if I am growing my hair to donate to a cancer charity that makes wigs for patients?" You are not saying you are so no lie is told and perhaps you leave them shaken rather than you as was their intent. You have the right idea Sorted, it is an opportunity to have fun at their expense. Enjoy!
Elizabeth
I thought you were going to go all "Yoda" on me there for a minute -
"Do or do not. There is no try." Lol
I still think its important to understand others and their actions - it makes you more prepared to deal with them without gettinh upset.
I'll add this to the other Frank Oz characters I already channel- beloved Grover's happy worldview, Miss Piggy's conceit, and now cute little Yoda's philosophizing.
Understanding why something happens is important but I find it equally freeing to deal with anything that happens knowing that sometimes there really is no reason behind it. Just today a kid stuck a bean seed up his friend's nose. I did not bother to ask why and I don't think the kid knew himself. Put a finger to the empty nostril, tell him to blow through his nose and out it pops.
Comments from strangers get a similar treatment, deal with it then, for me it is mostly by being amused, but I don't lose time trying to explain rude behavior. It happens and it is not often about hair at all.
Elizabeth
I had my own encounter with a whole family of hecklers - father, mother and teenage son - in 2002, and I got them good.
I was visiting the Empire State Building in New York. While waiting in line for the elevators, I heard the above-mentioned family - who were right behind me in the line - making obscene comments on my hair and on my supposed sexual orientation. The were speaking in Romanian, hoping that nobody would understand them. As it happens, my native language is Romanian, so that I could understand everything they said.
We went up to the 86th floor in the same elevator car - and they went on with their comments all the way up. I just kept silent.
After spending some 15 minutes taking pictures and admiring the sights I headed back for the elevators and encountered again that Romanian family in the souvenir shop. I approached them and told them "Somebody wants to say a few words to you". Then I showed them the finger and I said (in Romanian) "Do you see this finger? He wants to thank you for your kind comments on his owner." - and went on with a Romanian curse that I won't reproduce here (otherwise the webmaster would yank my posting). Then I walked away towards the elevator, leaving all three of them with their mouths open and incapable of saying anything.
A Linux Longhair