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My parents are making me get a trim wtf- after about 7 months now of growing it its finally looking good- They are so dumb, they think the flippy parts on the sides need to be cut monthly.... I told them that if I keep growing it, it wont do that- they wont listen? Will getting a trim make me look dumb? Ive seen people who have... its not very pretty. Anyway if they do make me cut it ill have to murder them in their sleep :D
Quite alot of people come here saying the samething. But look at it this way can they really make you get it trimmed? Unless they make it that big a deal and somehow decided to kick you out what could they really do. Simply explain that getting it trimmed will set you back a month or twos growth and that when it gets back to where it is now it will look completely the same.
Well I'd stand up to them an say NO. Do it right though, don't get upset or angry, just explain to them that your hair is not something they are entittled to make decisions about, explain to them what you are going to do and basically force their hand. (What are they gonna do kick their own son out cos he won't get a hair cut? That'll really look good at the next PTA meeting.)
Your totally right they are completely wrong - believe over the past 6 months I have become an expert on flips - cutting them monthly will do nothing. Cutting hair blunt to one length makes it less likely to flip, but also makes it look more like a basin cut - ie: "Dumb!" More length also makes hair more manageable as the extra weight pulls it down. Give it a few months and it'll settle down.
A compromise with your parents would always be to trim 1/4 inch every 3 months to gradually reduce the layering (make the cut blunter) whilst still getting a net-growth of 1-1.5 inches every 3 months, but the time your hair is all one length it'll have probably grown to the point when that kinda cut actually looks good cos it'll be down past your shoulders. But if your gonna do this you have to choose and trust the stylist.
(There's me in a nutshell, swing from confrontation to compromise within the space of a post.)
Parents not only have the right, they have the responsibility to make decisions about hair. They are the ultimate decision makers until the child becomes an adult. That being said, I think it is wise for the parents to give their children progressively more control in their own lives as they demonstrate the maturity to use it properly.
Sometimes part of Coming of Age is taking that responsibility away from your parents, (whether they like it or not.) Making your own decisions is the road to becoming an adult - the fewer decisions your parents take for you the faster that road will be.
If parents won't relinguish that responsibility over something as trival as a haircut, then its time to take the matter out their hands with a good old dose of Teenage Rebellion.
I don't want to encourage kids to run off the rails and tottally ignore their parents, but I don't believe that people know best just because they are adults or parents. What's more I'm a firm believer that its a parents job to Guide their childs development, not to control it.
I saw a similar situation today in a newspaper advice column. A teenager was upset because her mother was trying to force her to use one of her father's surnames and she wanted to use the other father's. The columnist dismissed the teen's power to do anything about it if push came to shove by opining that the parent had the legal right to decide this and that was that.
Wrong! The kid can refuse to use the other name and create pure hell for anyone who tries to use it. But beyond that, the kid can change her name to whatever she wants at age 18. This is a battle that Mom cannot win. If Mom crams the other name down her kid's throat, it certainly won't survive her 18th birthday. The columnist completely missed the boat on this one because she either clouded her vision by over-identifying with the adult, or because she concentrated on the winning of the battle, not the war.
The battle lines drawn around hair length are similar. If you want your mane, someday you indeed will have it. Letting a parent know this now may or may not hasten your victory; the strategy you choose of course is up to you.
This is all fine and good, but the person doing the rebelling must be able to back up his bluff. If the parents call the bluff, this could mean being kicked out of the house. If you're so confident you can run your own life, then by all means do it -- on your own.
I'm not recommending this, but I'm suggesting that it is a reasonable response to rebellion. "If you want to live in this house you must follow our rules" is completely reasonable, in my opinion, unless the rules themselves are unreasonable.
Now really helgast, I don't think you have any chance of convincing your parents to see your side of things with an attitude like that. Even in jest it is not attractive.
Here is what I would try in your case, make it worth their while to let you have your way. Show them a mature version of yourself willing to earn what you want. That would communicate far better than words alone that this is something important to you. Perhaps offering to do extra chores or improve your grades would be acceptable in return for hair autonomy. Ideally, you would not have to work for such a thing but you must deal with the situation you have as it is.
I hope it goes well for you.
Elizabeth
Mine flipped out at my today, not about my hair luckily, but about all kinds of random things. First my friend calls and wants to hang out and play some computer games. We just got a new computer for my mom but she hasn't let me transfer her files over for her yet (says I don't have time to do that), and a few weeks ago we used it to play a round of medal of honor in my bedroom. Somehow they come up with the idea that instaling once game is going to completely trash the system, infect it with viruses, open it to hackers (we have a hardware firewall already, install spyware, and get them sued by the RIAA (they assume I put Kazaa on too, I don't even download mp3's, just live shows). So I go to ask them if he can come over tonight, and they both team up on me while my friend is still on the phone. At least I don't have to come up with a reason for why I won't try bartering with them, since he heard the whole argument.
Before that I was going to go down the street to help with this girl's garage sale. She had left school early to go set up the sale, and my mom saw her out in her driveway with some friends. Of course this makes them delinquits and they get disgusted when I ask if I can go to her house.
To top it all off they make me call up someone totally unprepared to schedule my senior project, which consists of 50 HOURS of "exploring a field of study". It's a fun litle project my school requires of us to graduate, and they give us FIVE days to work on it. My project is to shadow some engineers on the job, and they have busy schedules of course. I was lucky to get a contact who'll let me shadow him on a thursday in two weeks. My parents get mad at me because I'll miss school, since the guy isn't available during any of those five days. I actually told them I'd need to be excused from school because I didn't want to surpise them, and they still had the nerve to threaten me with a call to the project advisor teacher to discuss missing a day of school so I could get the project done. This woman's a real witch, she used to give weekly announcements to the student body about how we should be ashamed of ourselves because someone had left a pop can on a table, bent a fork, etc. She cackles and throws stuff at us, and she follows every rule to the letter. (One rule is that we can't miss school to work on the project). I'll be done with classes essentially by that thursday, done with senior exams, AP tests, and there's really no point in even going to school at that point. Yet my parents still think I should go out of principle.
Yeah, sometimes I hate my parents. Usually they're ok though, just these last few months.
I agree with Victor - parents' choices must be respected, if not followed, but Elizabeth made a good point too.
Overall I would say if they're going to try to force you to get your hair cut, ask if you can sit and talk to them after dinner or something. Explain that you want to grow your hair, and that while you understand they might think it's messy, it's something you really want.
With regards to your studies, there's not much can save you there, except maybe the second coming of Christ. Parents, especially mothers, are intent on you working your butt off. And believe it or not, the couple of months of your life it will consume will probably be worth it (that's not what I would have wanted to hear at your stage either).
But don't stress. Just try not to flip, or lose the bap. Parents listen better when you talk quietly - and sitting down is always good too. Standing, shouting and storming out are the WORST options at the moment.
I strongly sympathise, and I hope all the wrinkles get smoothed out pretty soon.
wolfeyes
I only wish my parents were still around to give me grief about my hair. They've been gone since 1999. I'd much rather listen to my mother gripe at me, than spend another Christmas or Thanksgiving without family.
Dig into the attic or wherever your parents keep old pictures of themselves stashed away in the house. . . I have little doubt that your parents, being Baby Boomers, both sported long locks when they were young in the '60s and '70s (Most of us Boomers did -- and many of us still do). If you (or better yet, your grandparents) find any such pics (Especially if your folks went to Woodstock in 1969), you've got a tailor-made in-your-face protest. "Oh, yeah? Then kindly explain THIS!"
Skeeter
