new thread
Right now, there is someone I am very close to who is going through a severe case of depression. I know that this is a board for long hair discussion, but as all my friends know this person very well and she does not want everyone knowing what's going on with her, I felt I should turn to my friends on this board for help.
I was wondering, if anyone on here has ever been seriously depressed or has been close to someone who has suffered from such a thing, if they could please give me some advice or relate to the experience. I feel so helpless and I don't know what to do.
I would greatly appreciate some kind words and advice. Thank you.
-Chris
I was seriously depressed for over 3 years, a lot of things when wrong for me, I became paranoid, withdrawn, frustated and also agressive. I took an overdose twice and embarked on a destructive pattern of self harm. Basically I was a real mess.
Most people get through depressive illness much better than I did, so I don't want to sound alarmist, not all of the above will happen to your friend, though some of it might.
You can really only offer you unconditional support, even when your support is rejected, as depressives often reject other people's assistance.
What often happens to those suffering from depression, is they take time off work and studies because they can' concentrate and wind up sitting at home all day doing nothing and feeling worse.
Try to get your friend out of the house and into different environments, don't let her mope around the house all day on her own. Try and get her to participate in group activities, even something as simple as cooking a meal with a her.
A depressive also has to learn to cope by themselves, so its good to makesure she has things to do that can occupy her time. Shop, sort out some paperwork, anything but makesure she has things to do that are stimulating and not monotonous and encourage her to do them regardless of whethere or not she feels like it.
There are a number of drugs that can effectively treat depression, most take 3-4 weeks to begin working so if her doctor prescribes anything makesure that she doesnt quit the medication before it has chance to work. What makes it worse is that many anti-depressants have heavy side effects for the first few weeks, though generally they dissapear thereafter. Prozac and Seroxat are the best tolerated drugs, but Seroxat has been reportedly responsible for creating pscotic behavior.
Here are some resources that might help.
Resources for Depressives:
Wing of Madness - An excellent resource on depressive illness. Includes some really great peer-to-peer discussion forums. http://www.wingofmadness.com
Clinical Depression.co.uk - UK based resource. http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk
The Samaritans - Tel: 08457 90 90 90 (UK) or 1850 60 90 90 (ROI) http://www.samaritans.org.uk
The BBC's Panorama program made a very enlightening program about the dangers of Seroxac, a drug often used in the treatment of Depression. Whilst for many people its highly effective treatment, anyone prescribed this drug should probably read this story so they know what they could be getting themselves in for. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/panorama/3175526.stm
Hope that helps - I'll publish the info on my site shortly as well.
Sorted
Does this person use Equal/Nutrasweet/aspartame? If so, she must stop using it immediately, viz.:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=8373935&dopt=Abstract
Google around on the subject of "aspartame and depression".
Whatever you do, take it VERY seriously. In fact, I'd see what kind of professional help you can get and I'd do it absolutely as soon as possible.
Back in the 80s I had a friend who was suffering from depression. I knew it. We all did. At the time, however, my way of thinking was to not be overbearing or appear to be nosy or stick my nose in his business. I thought with time and just leaving that person alone, everything would get better.
Instead, my friend committed suicide.
To this day I think if only I'd been more of a presence, been more accessible, been there with the right words, just...been there! I should have made it my business. I should have intervened in some way. But I didn't.
Whatever you do, be involved. I'm not saying your friend will become suicidal, but better safe than sorry!
In time, everything - good or bad - will pass. Unfortunately, for some, there are many bad things that happen at once, and for them, the end isn't in sight.
Thank you all who have responded so far, I really appreciate it. This person is not just a friend, actually, she happens to be my sister and it makes it really hard knowing what's going on in the house all the time.
Unfortunately she has already started to show suicidal tendencies, I'm not sure if it is a cry for help or how serious she is, but needless to say we are taking it very seriously. She is in the hospital right now and may be there for a few days. Also she began taking a certain type of medicine, I think it may be Prozac as Sorted mentioned, but it's only been a week so we need to hold out on it for a while.
I really hope that with enough support from my family, the very small number of friends she has that actually know whats going on, and myself she'll be able to get through it. Thanks again everyone who has written in.
-Chris(which I need mention is my real name, Sid is just what I post as for fun)
Man, I didn't realize, now that is bad, I don't have any advice sorry, as I have never suffered from depression, but I sincerely mean it that I hope she will make a full recovery.
My prayers are with you and your sister...
Okay, to state the obvious, depression is most often a symptom of deep emotional problems. So it's these underlying issues which your sister needs to address and she is the only one who can do that. What you can do is help her to deal with these issues by giving advice and support. It won't be easy but no drug in the world can 'cure' depression because a drug cannot address the underlying issues. Hypericum is one remedy which can alleviate the symptoms, being natural it has no side effects, but again, it will not 'cure' the problems as such.
Rarely, it is a hormone imbalance which brings about the symptoms of depression. That of course requires different treatment.
Hope this helps, all the best.
Tomas
You could try and consult a psychologist, or psychiatrist, maybe Freuds psychoanalytic theory can help your sister get to the bare roots of her depression or anxiety.
Excuse me, but even the most unenlightened lay person is aware that there is a very strong biochemical component involved in depression. Go to Google and search on "depression causes" and "serotonin" and get yourself an education before you post such nonsense.
You received your M.D. degree from where again?
Might I remind you that the biochemical processes have a cause, they do not just appear. Nevertheless, I did do a Google search on "depression causes" and the site below is the first one that came up. Seems to rather underline my point, therefore I return your advice to "get an education" back to you.
Hi Chris,
Sounds very serious to me, and I KNOW that the loved ones who stand by feel so helpless since they are unable to do anything to help in severe cases. Science has a long way to go........but luckily there is medication out there that helps millions of people. Most surely they will find the cause of your Sisters problem and be able to help her greatly.
Alas, so many people don't understand this condition because it never happened to them. 30 years ago people were told by friends and doctors to breathe into a paper bag. Worst thing they could do! And then there is the "talk bit." It won't work in severe cases.............the patient 1st has to be medicated to be stabilized before they are able to "talk." And unfortunately the person with a Mental Condition is often ridiculed by heartless people who have absolutely no concept of the condidion in which the person is trapped.
I am far from a doctor, but have seen plenty of this in my lifetime. A "Chemical Imbalance" of which your Sister has no control over I myself suspect may be the cause. (She was born with the condition.)
The "threat of taking ones life" is because she is in pain.......but when it comes to Mental things it cannot be seen as with someone with a lost leg, skin Cancer or whatever.
Only a hunch............she may have a condition known as "Manic Depressive." Does she go through high delightful spells and suddenly crash? The person with this condition is prescribed medication.............and part of the illness is that they won't take it........hide it under their tongue and spit it out when the family isn't watching. This is all part of that Depressive Disease. My own Mother took her life 3 months ago and had made attempts for the last 20 years. She was a Manic Depressive.
Of interest is the fact that Artistic and very intelligent soft hearted people seem to be especially set-up for these diseases.
Please remember Chris that you are not alone. And I well know the hurt and what it takes out of you.
I feel very sure that we guys on the Hyperboard feel your concern and are more than happy to try and help you get through this difficult time.
With luck, things will be looking better shortly after a full diagnosis is made.
A Mental Illness is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. No more so than a Heart Condition, Diabetic, Stroke Victum etc. It is a MAJOR DISEASE. It is NOT something anyone would ever ask to have.
I was once told that of ALL diseases known to Mankind.......this is the most brutal of all. This statement came from a Dr. caring for my Mother. I do believe he was correct.
Try to "hang in there" and know that we care.
Justin~
Hi Justin,
Thanks for the reply. My sister is in a hospital right now and will probably be there for a week, which I actually feel a lot better about. Yes, there are plenty of times where she seems happy and then all of a sudden, her mood just drops. I am just going to do my best to be there for her and let her know that I and many others care and love her.
Secondly, that breaks my heart to hear about your mother. The thing that is scaring me the most right now has actually happened to you, and I wish that there were anything I could do to help. Just try and keep in mind that she was certainly a great woman, especially if a fine young gentleman such as yourself came from her, and that you will see her again someday.
If you or anyone else ever wants to talk more, my email is goodfella182@comcast.net
I just have to put that in so when you click on my name it will show that!
Take Care,
Chris, AKA Sid
Had she used any illigl drugs? Some are really bad, but I know one person in particular who had clinical depression, it was the manic type where he was insanely happy some weeks, and other times he had no drive at all. Someone got him high once while he was in the manic phase and he figured out that it mellows him out enough to dull down the manic phase. Basically whenever he feels "too" happy, he smokes a little. I think what changed my friend was that he became a totally different person. He used to be all uptight and now he's a lot more carefree and open minded, so things stress him out less. That came from trying something different. It was just the lifestyle change that picked him out of the gutter.
I'm not advocating drug use at all, (although marijuana IS better than some legal drugs like alcohol, IMHO), she needs to eventually get to the root of her problem. Maybe changing careers or some other aspect of her life would help things, once she's feeling better and is out of the hospital of course.
Best of luck to her (and to you),
Ryan S.
I went through an absolutely hellish period of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder for about 3.5 years. I was hospitalized twice during intense suicidal phases. When you're down so far you can't get out of bed, talking won't help. Talking only helps once the meds kick in, and trust me, it can take a long time to find the right one, or combination of medications. I beat my illness through medication, therapy, and most importantly, making changes in my life and in my thinking patterns. A good therapist can help guide your friend on exactly how and what changes she needs to make. It's different for everyone. But best of luck to her...I know the hell the black dog can turn your life into, and I wish her a speedy, long-lasting recovery.
For *mild* depression, exercise works wonders. If you can talk the depressed person into doing something light like walking, great. If you have to motivate yourself, it's difficult, once you realize that it works you can make yourself get out even though you don't feel like it because the intellectual part of your brain can override the emotional part. Then the exercise works its magic. I think it's the endorphins or something. I seem to recall some studies that confirm it.
This person really needs to seek medical attention. This is
something you really can't help with. This person needs
a medical professional.
There is medication that can help, it must be prescribed by
a doctor.
Absolutely. I've been through a crazy few years but am now as normal as I'm ever going to be ! Just to say that it IS possible to recover and live a happy life again BUT it will require some kind of intervention - just hoping it will go away is almost certain not to work.
Your friend MUST seek medical attention and, preferably, from a number of different sources. Even now, mental illness can be baffling to the professionals. I found a tendency amongst the mental health community for doctors to diagnose you with the illness they are able to treat rather than the one you've got.
If a symptom of your friend's depression includes addictive behaviour in any area then s/he MAY find the support given in a 12-Step programme to be beneficial (it saved my life).
The overall message is that there is HOPE here as long as action is taken. The other key issue is the willingness of your friend to take the action - this will largely depend on whether she denies there is a problem in the first place.
I think she should go out in the woods for a few days and let things fall into place. i would suggest going alone, but if she's not a wood person going with a trusty friend might do it, if that friend isn't the kind that would just talk and talk all the time!
with my most sincere wishes that she gets better
-vincent
We all have suffered from heartbreaks.
However, upon hearing Ronnie James Dio`s song "dont talk to strangers", I began to think about love.
Ronnie is too right about what he says in the song.
Don't Talk To Strangers
Don't talk to strangers
Mmmmh
Don't talk to strangers
'Cause they're only there to do you harm
Don't write in starlight
'Cause the words may come out real
Don't hide in doorways
You may find the key that opens up your soul
Don't go to heaven
'Cause it's really only hell
Don't smell the flowers
They're an evil drug to make you lose your mind
Don't dream of women
'Cause they only bring you down
Hey you, you know me, you've touched me, I'm real
I'm forever the one that lets you look and see and
Feel me
I'm danger - I'm the stranger
And I, I'm darkness, I'm anger, I'm pain
I am master
The evil song you sing inside your brain
Drive you insane
Don't talk
Don't let them inside your mind, yeah
Run away, run away, go!
No - no
Don't let them in your mind
Protect your soul
Don't dance in darkness
You may stumble and you're sure to fall
Don't write in starlight
'Cause the words may come out real
Don't talk to strangers [Don't talk to strangers]
'Cause they're only there to make you sad
Don't dream of women
'Cause they'll only bring you down
Yeah
Run, run, run, run away!
I suggest to take a look at diet. I think what people eat has a lot to do with depression. What foods work for one person may not work for another. I don't think medications work but may be helpful to try them if the person has nothing to lose.
I forgot to suggest that if she tries medications, rather than ask a family doctor for a medication you "hear" about, instead ask for a referral to someone who has a lot of experience treating depressed people with medication. There are so many types of medications and some work for some people and not others. Also the doctor needs to followup to be sure the medication is working and not causing harmful side effects. Sometimes it's best not to try medications because of the risk of side effects and dangerous adverse effects.
It also helps if the doctor knows something about diet. I believe many foods cause depression. Because there are so many types of foods and people, it's very difficult to find which food or eating habit could be causing depression.
Best wishes
Yeah, we're all unique. The one thing that worked best for me for depression was not medication. It was growing hair! [grin] I never felt whole without my hair.
Bill
Haha! Yeah, I wish my sister didn't already have long hair, or I'd suggest that!
There might be a parallel though. Is she missing something in her life that she really needs? If so, suggest she form a strategy to get it.
If the depression started suddenly, I wonder if it would help to ask her is she made any changes just before the depression started. For example, if she tried a new diet or her work schedule changed or her family size changed, this may show what caused the depression. Awareness that the change may have caused the depression would help in finding a way of preventing depression.
Best wishes
Growing my hair long has helped me feel better to. When I had short (less than shoulder length) hair, I always felt a need to grow my hair long. That is one of my problems I solved but other problems remain. I think the Internet and message boards like this will allow people to solve problems and so they can be more happy, healthy, productive and creative.
Hi Sid
Yes, I suffered from really bad depression for two years. I lost contact with many of my friends and generally cut myself off from everyone. It was during my masters degree at uni and everything seemed to be going wrong. It felt like the whole world had turned its back on me. Being a keyboard player I normally always had my music to get me out of hard times but even this was a struggle. At the beginning of last year I was about half an inch from walking out onto the dual carriageway in front of a 20-ton lorry.
But...
I came through it. I got my masters, I got a job I love and I made a whole bunch of new friends. My life was almost completely rewritten within the space of a few days. I truth when I think back I don't really know what pulled me through.
I've never suffered from depression either, but have known a few people who have. At the risk of repeating some previous replies, do take it seriously, and she does need professional help. You mentioned that she has been on medication. A word of caution on that, many physicians will prescribe anti-depressents, which will only treat the symptoms, a therapist is needed to get to the underlying causes. My last relationship was with a nurse practioner, who treated many for depression and was very knowledgeable about it. She had been treated for depression herself, and the treatment somewhat backfired. She was later diagnosed by a therapist with bipolar disorder (manic-depressive).
