new thread
I have received numerous emails (at least 6) in the past three days from men telling me I'm sexy, asking me if I want to chat, asking if I'm homosexual, et cetera. I am by no means a homophobe, but I'd like to set the record "straight," if you'll excuse the expression: I am heterosexual. I want to make that clear to anyone who's thought about emailing me up to this point... back off. Though I am flattered by the compliments, I don't like chatting, I don't find males sexually attractive, and I don't like having to sift through crap email. This is not a dating service. Thank you.
Kudos to you for making your point so well.
I agree with you whole heartedly, this board is not a pick-up zone. There are plenty of other places on the web for that.
For those of you wondering where? here's a couple to get you started:
No-one wants to be hounded just because they post here. I'd ask that everyone (male and female) respect that.
-Sorted-
Females can contact me if the MUST. :)
Well said by all of you.
longhairguys1 (John)
Sorry to hear you've gotten unwanted e-mails, man. This site though, or any other site upon which you choose to appear, can't do anything about those who choose to contact you, of course. What I do if I am uncomfortable with any e-mail, is just trash it. The other option is to never post a photo of oneself, never tell anything about oneself, and never reveal how to contact oneself, and to my eye, I'd miss out on all the good stuff if I did that. Not worth it - because there are too many good people in the world who I'd miss out on connecting with.
Hey, things could be worse. You could be uglier than sin, and then in your inbox you'd get your wish. [grin]
We're in the same boat, Mr. Odle.
Guys, please, if you're gay - that's great. But I'm not, so don't email me about it.
I respect that you can like the same sex, so respect that I do not.
- Brian
Yea I agree, I don't leave my email, so i dont get spam or any unwanted messages.
There seems to be some quasi-universal idea that if you do not want to be contacted by wierdos, then don't leave your email address. I think it works the other way around. We should all feel free to leave our email addresses, etc., and it is the responsibility of the concerned party to behave themselves.
Either way, I didn't expect any replies to this. I merely wanted to state something...
....You are kind of cute. What are you doing this weekend?
Hahahaha! Just kidding.
I'm sure you got the message across. I hope your inbox gets "straightened" up after this!
LOL, I'm just a fence-sitter, really.
I completely understand (being straight) the straight guys' point of view... but I wouldn't say it bothers me that a guy might find me attractive.
I take it as a compliment. I haven't been pestered by anyone - in my eyes they have every right to say if they find you attractive and ask if you might be gay too - it's just the same as one of 'us' guys sending an email to a girl we found attractive, though we mightn't know whether she's available - OR what her sexual preference is.
To sum up, Bill and Surferdude are right - if you don't want contacted, don't leave an address - give it to someone if you want them to contact you.
That's my tuppence ;)
wolfeyes
I agree with everything you said Wolfeyes, but Michael's right with one thing, this "isn't a dating service", so he isn't leaving his address expecting come-on's.
Obviously a sure fire way to avoid this is not to leave your address and only discuss things publically on the board.
Michael if you send an email to the Webmaster they can suppress your email address in the User Directory, so you can still use it to trigger your thumbnail photo, but it won't be visible online. But then of course you have to accept the restriction that you can only have people contact you via the board.
Sorted
you can always insert a html mailto link in the body of your message should you desire to be contacted- i would suggest amending your address to avoid spam... ex: change it from 'username@host.com' to 'username@nospam.host.com'
Why is it necessary for you to address this subject with such a hostile, chip-on-your-shoulder attitude? Would you be as hacked off if goodlooking WOMEN were sending you email? I have a feeling you wouldn't be lecturing the board about not being a "dating service" if that were the case.
I suspect he'd rather reply to them all on here. Otherwise he has the choice of ignoring them (but then they won't stop) or replying individually, which could make things worse.
I once made the mistake of talking to a guy in an elevator about the unusual hat he was wearing. Now, there was nothing especially gay about his headgear, but he was, and he kept pestering me for weeks.
The main difficulty is IMHO that us straight guys are not well equipped to deal with unwanted advances. We are used to being forced to make the first approach, whether we want to or not. In the very few instances that I have been bothered by a woman that I didn't want to be involved with it has been just as hard to deal with. Mind you, I think that has only happened to me three times that I can recall (clearly I'm no Robert Redford!).
Women have all kinds of ways of getting rid of unwanted guys, albeit some of them completely transparent and inept. I suppose gay guys must also. But we don't.
I'd add that gay guys are used to being on both sides of this transaction, so they know what it's like to be in the recipient's shoes. A simple, "I'm not interested, man," usually suffices, and if you want to be more forceful without really giving the precise reason, say "You're not my type." Neither of those responses reveals anything personal about yourself, and that is what you want when establishing distance.
Another tack is to provide information as to yourself that spells out what you want. If you just post a photo, admirers will fantasize what they want. If you have a web page instead of a photo, and on that web page you say you are married with two kids, or that you are looking to meet a special woman, you'll get a lot less of such mail, I assure you. I have a web site that I regard as a great filter. It gets rid of all of the people who won't like me the way I am; I don't leave lots of blanks to get filled in with fantasies. As a result, the few e-mails I do get tend to be from people I really enjoy hearing from.
I don't think he has a chip-on-his-shoulder attitude at all. If he firmly believes like I do that this board is NOT a "dating service" then he's applying this equally to men and women that might to approach him.
Incidentally I'd not want to approached sexually by anyone over the Internet, there is just too much of an opportunity to lie about who you are, what you're like and what you want out of a relationship.
Besides in my case, I think I'm the only person posting on this board within a radius of about 1000 miles, what would be the point anyway?
I have no chip on my shoulder. I don't want women contacting me via the Internet, either, be they good looking or hideous. Assumptions and gut feelings aren't always right. I'm just tired of receiving crap email, and the best way to notify people that I don't want to be emailed about it would be, of course, to go to the place whence these things come, and say it there. Everytime I get one of these emails, I send them a three-word reply: "I'm heterosexual, thanks." It rarely works, it seems. Oh, well.
Are you saying that the same people keep emailing you after you turn them down?
It has, I believe, happened a few times (at least twice, I know), but this happened in the past. I, in my first post, was referring more towards emails that I've gotten recently.
The moderators have discussed this situation over the last 24 hours or so.
Our policy will be that we will consider, taken together, the overall acts of behavior of such individuals in the community. This includes other posts on this board, posts on other boards that our members frequent, and yes, e-mails to members. Thus, do let the webmaster know if you are getting harassed via e-mail by a user, so that information can be taken into account.
We cannot prevent such people from e-mailing you, of course, but we can prevent their posting on the board in the future. This is not a dating service, and those who indicate, by all of their activity taken together, that that is their purpose in coming here, will not be allowed to post.
As for what constitutes "harassment" in our view, if it made you uncomfortable and if a reasonable man would be made uncomfortable by it, we will consider it such.
A/S/L ?????
haha, jp
I know where you're coming from.. I had my AIM screen name on a progress page and got quite a few IMs from guys who made me uncomfertable, although most didnt have a problem when i told them Im not interested.
