new thread
Just thought I'd let you guys know I'm giving up on my hair. It just plain sucks, and it's getting worse all the time. So, I'm gonna cut it. Besides, I'm ugly and weird looking enough without it, the bad hair just adds to the problem. Plus I have a huge head and I just look plain weird with all this hair. Also, I went on vacation last week and had alot of people laughing and making fun of me. Which is nothing new, people do that even when I have short hair. But I've never had that many people do it. So the hair must make me look even worse. Anyway, as you can probably tell I'm really upset about all this. And just down on myself and life in general. No friends, no girlfriend, girls don't even look at me twice unless it's to laugh at me. And my band just broke up. I could go on and on but this isn't the place for it. So anyway, thanks to all of those who have helped me out over the last few years. I'll still drop in from time to time.
Today should be the offical "Be-Nice-to-Gibson-Guy" Day....
Don't make a rash decision while you are upset......checking you photo on the Directory of Users, you look pretty sharp to me.
When your personal schedule allows; give yourself a mini-vacation and treat yourself to a present, go to a concert, take a soak in a hot spring, take a trip to the zoo, go on a one day sail......whatever you want to do for yourself.
Give us a current photo and we will (as usual) have some suggestions and encouragement.
Don't cut off years of progress while you are depressed over other things......and forget the comments of others !!
A wise man one told me: "What other people think of me is none of my business". Makes sense.
Have a good day and keep it growing.
I generally agree with what White Tail has written to you. You've got lots of reasons for feeling rather bruised right now, any one of which would be enough. So, the only thing you should think about doing right now is taking care of yourself.
The two week rule was made for this. Finally, what you do with your hair is YOUR decision, and it will be honorable whatever you do, but I agree--don't make any decisions about anything right now. You are too bruised to do that with clarity.
Now, as for "ugly", you've got to know that your picture doesn't fit the description. You are not ugly. You are, I am assuming from the red hair and complexion, a wonderful example of what Celtic genes can produce, and as a fellow Celt, I must say, that our people are proud of the god-types like you that we produce! Your picture is an example of the quintessential image of the Celtic (Irish-Scotch-Welsh-and other Celtic lines) hero-king. Go have another look. You know, sometimes people laugh because they are nervous. Maybe you just instill a nervousness in people by walking in the room.
So you are a musician. How Celitic and Bardic of you. Have another look at yourself. As White Tail says, do some things, however simple, that take care of you today, and consider all the possibilities of who you are and how you look--your own business based on your own integrity.
Robert
Please don't allow other people to determine how you feel about yourself. I suggest you follow the two week rule to see if your feelings toward your hair are due to other people or if they are from within yourself. It is not always easy being a longhair. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
1st of all...........beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One is always the most harsh about themself. People are laughing at you? They should be ashamed.......but probably love to "tease" vulnerable people like yourself. (Bullys thrive on this.)
I would suggest before cutting your hair that you give it the 2 week waiting period. You say you look ugly with Short Hair, so why not look the same w/long?
And finally, you might "think" you are weird and ugly........but I surely doubt this for one moment. The "Weird part" is probably that you are merely original and NOT like every one else. It is rather nice not to be a "Clone" of everyone else. And ugly? No way Man..............far from it.
If you continue to feel this way you should probably consult with a Dr. There must be something in your growing-up that has caused you to feel this way about yourself. (Parents put you down kind of thing.)
Even in our darkest moments, there suddenly is light at the other end of the tunnel. Please remember that these feelings WILL pass.
Good luck to you.
Well, I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said in the previous responses...Don't internalize the insensitivities and unkind remarks of others. Don't allow the comments of others to influence your feelings and actions. Even if you did act upon in response to their comments, the nature of people who make such comments will be to pick on another aspect of your physical appearance and/or personality...and could lead to an endless cycle of criticism getting you nowhere.
I'm sounding kinda preachy, so I'll sign off.
Brian
If you hate your hair, cut it. But only if you truly dislike it that much. I just recently cut mine off, and while it may not be my best look being this short of a cut, I really like it more than a week later and thought it was very liberating.
I know this is a long hair board, and don't get me wrong: I really like long hair on a lot of guys, but it wasn't for me, and it may not be for you, either, Gibson Guy.
Good luck.
cutting your hair will not solve the problem, you're looking at the wrong place.
go in the wood for a couple of days, figure out what you need in life [compliments from idiots, or self confidence?], and stop reaching for the things you don't have.
let things flow.
good luck.
-vincent
Vincent, I really admire your way of thinking, and your philosophy towards life! There should be more of you around! Has any life experiences influenced you to think like this or are you just a cool common down to earth guy?
Great advice:)
well thank you! fortunately i can't spend all my time looking at web forums so there won't be a more of me around. but email is always a good way to reach me!
Oh of course many life (in this one, and others before) experiences influenced me! Many people, experiences, readings helped me. Lots of meditation helped me. Time spent in the wood helped me. I can't express how thankful I am of the life experiences!
Life is a sequence of teachings, of occasions to say "oh, well thank you, I didn't get that before!" and to change your behavior [%]. Of course i'm far from being perfect enough to see the teaching in everything. Sometimes I get very pissed off, especially when my planet is being destroyed because of laziness/inadvertance. But I try not to.
Living in the present is a must! Otherwise all you're experiencing is NOT LIFE. It is memories, always deformed. It is plans, which always catch you up in desires, fears [will i be accepted? will people make fun of me?]. The present is life.
I mean, if I worried about people that made fun of me in the streets, I wouldn't be very happy. What do I care? I know they're just deceiving themselves :)
I wish peace of mind to the original poster! Trust life and love it, and it will send love back your way. In VAST amounts. :)
-vincent
[%] I really like a quote [supposedly] from sri dattatreya: "stop recounting your past deeds [...], the past is dead and you are reborn in the present"
As usual, I'm late enough in replying that most of what I want to say has already been said. I will emphasize the two week rule, just remember, you can lose years of progress in a few moments, so I strongly advise you make absolutely certain before you do that. If that decision holds, I hope your 100 % happy with it.
As for the other comments, I tend to be much less sensitive than others, but I would also encourage you to work on not letting other people's opinions affect you so much, you can't please the whole world, so don't even try. Another thing I've also observed is that negative comments tend to flow much easier than positive, so I would venture to say that there are many who find you attractive, you just don't hear it. I would also venture to say that is very true in your location (at the risk of generalizing others myself). I worked in Jackson, TN for a year, lived nearby in Newbern for two years, and found that, overall, people were not very accepting of differences, and a bit on the self-righteous, arrogant side. If you'd care to share any more thoughts on that you can email me.
Good luck with your hair and life, I hope things work out for the best whatever you decide.
I haven't seen what you look like but unless you are the model for Shreck, you can't be that bad looking. Nobody's good looking to everybody but there's always that one that thinks youre cute that makes it all worth while. When I meet people like that, I ignore them and it seems to me that they feel bad or left out when I don't talk to them (because I don't like them one bit). Find better friends or shall I say real friends that accept you like you are for what you are good at not that you have a big head or crooked teeth or little spots on your face or whatever. If you were walking around and people are making fun of you, are you sure you didn't party a little too hard and someone did a van gough on your face with a sharpie?
A true longhair never gives up because of someone elses opinion. All of us Longhairs take alot of crap sometimes, but you don't ever see us cutting off what is deeply apart of us. If you didn't already, please don't cut your hair. If they are picking on you because of what you are, why do you wanna look more like them? You looked awesome in your pic on the directory of users. I am sorry about your band too, I am having alot of band trouble too, but don't give up on that either. Please forget about cutting your hair. You are one of us!
I just wanted to say that, if your hair's giving you trouble that's one thing, but as for this "ugly and wierd" business... well, I eventually found the Directory of Users picture that White Tail refers to. Now, I'm not saying this just to be nice but you are NOT ugly.
What you have is a low self esteem. I was bullied through most of high school until I realised that it was not my looks/ mannerisms etc which were a problem but my REACTION to the teasing. It was a mystery to me why someone else who had exactly the same hairstyle/ clothes (whatever) as me didn't get teased but I did. It's how you react to it. If you show yourself upset or angry by it, then you're giving them what they want. So my advice is:
1) get away from these people for good - do NOT associate with them, break all ties to them.
2) If that's not possible, then mock them. Sneer, look down upon them as the filthiest scum that walks this earth. That doesn't mean shouting insults back, just KNOW yourself superior to them, you really have to believe that, and they will feel it. It will show in the looks you give, in your posture etc. This worked for me. [Hope I'm making sense.] If that seems too hard right now, ignore them - completely. They are not worthy of your notice. Walk away, but in your own time.
3) Overall, build your confidence slowly, change your thinking, and it will show in your interactions with others. This, incidentally, will work with the girls, too. Very, very few of us can pull the chicks by looks alone. It is your bearing that is important, and girls like a man who shows confidence.
Good luck Gibson!
Huey
I totally agree, It took me a few years to to better myself enough to be able to look down on the people I most disliked.
Now I'm respected for being different. Lately, I've been getting complacent about making a good impression all the time mainly because I despise most of the people in my 6form. That's why I'm doing the impossible and moving to college in September to place myself back in a stimulating environment where no one knows me and I don't know anyone else. \That's the best time to try and change your personality.
You should take a leaf out of Vincent's book and spend a day in the woods, away from everyone else, and really sort your life out. This includes thinking hard about your beliefs and your reactions, and how you will become better than these people who mock you.
When you come out, you should feel like a different person, if there's anything you think what you're doing/have been doing that isn't popular, work hard on it and change it, but only if you believe that it is wrong yourself, and 100% of your friends don't like it too.
Hope you make the right choice!
Dispising those who despise you only brings you down to their level, and in the end it will only make you a bitter person who hates everyone, and I dont think thats what you want.
... you're having a hard time.
You might feel even worse if you cut when you're down already.
Try giving it a couple of weeks. Maybe the world will seem a little better by then.
I certainly hope so.
Wow, I didn't expect so many replies. Thank you all for your advice and kind comments. I haven't cut my hair yet. I will make that decision after I get some other things sorted out. Once again thank you all, you guys are great.
