new thread
I have been reading the various posts about male stars cutting their hair and the interesting one about the young son of a long-hair who wants a haircut. I have an observation to make that I'm sure will be inflamatory on this page, but I must make it. My hope is that we can have an honest discussion about it, and not over-react.
My observation is this...I see a great deal of discussion on this board of intolerance of long-hair on men by workplaces, etc. At the same time, I see alot of intolerance of short hair on men by folks who post here. The general tone on this page is one of acceptance of anyone and any style. However, at times it lapses into that "the longer the better" attitude. Some men look better with short hair (as do some women). It is interesting that the guys from Nelson, for example, went from being heroes to traitors with the mere snip of the scissors.
Bottom line is this...Have we in our attempt to advocate for acceptance of men with long hair become the other side of the intolerance coin?
Again, I'm not posting this to inflame people...I enjoy this board, and have learned alot about growing my hair out. But, I would like to see people discuss these issues.
Floyd
your observation is a very telling one. i in fact posted a response to the message in question where i tried to be sympathetic to the parental disappointment; the crux of my post being however, if the kid really wants his hair cut then let him get it cut.
i see the same thing... sort of a reverse discrimination going on here... where the intolerance for long hair being decried all the while those who have chosen to part company with their hair are reviled as you say, traitors. to me, hair is hair. i choose to wear mine long because that is the way i see myself, my identity. i believe that discrimination against long haired men is wrong- no big surprise considering the length of my hair. it is just as wrong to judge someone to be less than good just because he wears his hair short. if us longhairs expect tolerance from others the least we can do is show the same in return... including toward those who choose to cut their long hair.
you may well get flamed for your post floyd, but what you wrote needed to be said.
Dear Floyd,
Thanks for your thought-provoking message. I thought that I would respond to it as I posted the initial message about "celebrity haircuts," last week that mentioned the group Nelson.
Last week, I had brunch with some friends, both male and female (longhairs and shorthairs in both groups), and we were discussing the matter that you raised, and also the issue that Charles raised earlier in the week about why some celebrities are cutting their hair short. Drawing on the group's observations, allow me to offer some random thoughts.
Most men in our society who grow their hair long meet a lot of resistance, or open scorn from those around them, in addition to the inconvenience of slow growth before there are results. For most men, it takes courage, as well as patience to end up with long hair, so it is to be expected that the long hair will mean something important personally and symbolically to those men. Most of us develop a sense of style through imitation, and many long haired men have been influenced by celebrities to grow their hair long. At brunch last week, my friends and I laughed about this (we are dating ourselves, we are Gen Xers in our early 30s), for each of the men had admired Bono from U2. We are all decent, upper-middle class, educated, former Boy Scouts. When we were adolescents, longhair was associated with Heavy Metal grunge types, and some of you may think us snobbish, but that in no way made long hair appealing to us. Bono, with his clean and well-trimmed page style, represented something that we admired, and many of us imitated. When he cut his hair short, most of us at brunch confessed to being upset about it. Someone recently expressed similar feelings about Gavin from Bush, and I was disappointed that that person's message was met with such dismissive contempt. We do not know celebrities, so we cannot know why they make the decisions they do, but if we identify with them on some level, and have even been influenced by them enough to imitate them, then it is understandable to be upset by what we perceive a "betrayal," even if the treachery is as harmless as a haircut.
With people we know, and in whose lives we are involved, it is another matter. Several longhaired friends and lovers of mine have decided to cut their hair short. One did it as a surprise as he rightly expected that I would be opposed to him getting a haircut, but others have talked about it with me, and I have gone to barbershops to give moral support, and, treachery of treacheries, I have even assisted in more than one shearing. The point is, that as a friend, I respected the wishes of my friends, and even if I was not happy with their decisions, I supported them. I am not a "longhaired fundamentalist" to borrow someone else's lingo.
Some people identify themselves as a "longhair type," and I accept and respect that. I also accept that some people do decide to cut their hair in order to get jobs, because they want a change, they are sick of the maintenance, or they feel pressured to conform.
If some people on this board sound defensive, they probably have good reason to be for, in having long hair, they have probably met with resistance or open persecution. We need to be understanding of that. Similarly, since so few men have long hair, it is naturally disppointing to learn of someone in the public eye who has cut his long hair short. For people who already feel marginalized, a famous person's haircut adds to the sense of long haired isolation.
I fear that my random thoughts have lacked direction. Thanks Floyd for your good message, and raising an issue that we need to consider.
Yours,
Michael
Floyd, Michael and John,
Regarding tolerance of longhairs cutting their hair.
Since celebrities with long hair do influence others to grow their hair long, if they cut their hair, they will likewise influence those people to cut their hair.
Furthermore, celebrities are in an enviable position of being their own boss and not being at the mercy of employers and so on, unlike most other longhairs, so they have less reason for cutting their hair.
One reason why it is hard to find longhairs in Britain these days is partly because many rock musicians there have short hair.
Now as a longhair, I want to see more longhairs and I am disappointed when I see someone cut his hair. Furthermore if longhair is a statement of a committment to a certain belief which defies the prevailing prejudices of society, then to cut it represents succumbing to those pressures, hence betrayal.
Longhairs face discrimination and persecution and by growing their hair long, they have made a conscious decision to suffer that persecution for their longhair.
Thus in many ways, its like someone who chooses to embrace a certain religion or political belief, despite whatever opposition and rejection they may face from family, friends, workplace and community.
Unlike race which cannot be changed, one's religion and politics can, just like the choice to grow one's hair long.
Lets say they embrace a religion or creed and then due to pressure or persecution they renounce that religion and creed and their co-religionists or political colleagues will consider them as having betratyed their convictions.
In the past, people have prefered to die than to renounce their religious or political committments.
Your ideas of support of freedom to have longhair or short hair is fine provided that the society you live in does not discriminate against longhair.
Under such circumstances we will most probably find many more longhairs among professionals, corporations, government and so on.
But under present circumstances, that is not the case, so feeling a sense of disappointment with or betrayal by a longhair who cuts his hair is natural.
Perhaps, at the end of the day, these longhairs, celebrities or otherwise were not real longhairs and did so for the sake of style or identity of convenience.
Anyway, I come from an earlier period than the X-Generation, when we had to fight harder against prejudice and opposition. Having met Gen-Xers in Canada in the early 1990's I tended to feel that Gen-X longhairs had it relatively easy compared to longhairs in the 60's and early 70's.
Perhaps this is why you adopt this liberal attitude.
Charles
i see your point- however...
if someone wants to hate me because of my hair then that is their problem. to me persecution is a two way street. i choose not to be persecuted. if i can't work someplace that is run by an intolerant bigot, then great... i am spared the long road of working with him or her and finding out the hard way. sure, finding a job is a bit more difficult, but i have compiled a good work ethic over 15 years... i will find a job should i need to do so... and at a place that will tolerate my appearance.
quite frankly, if i am the only longhaired male in the world, i don't give a damn. it is kinda cool that there are other long haired guys around, but all my friends are shorthaired. we all have an unspoken agreement: i don't try to evangelize them to be 'longhairs' and they don't pressure me to cut mine. most know that it would be an exercise in futility. when and if i decide to cut it i will.
my ideas of support for freedom to have longhair or short hair is fine regardles that the society i live in does discriminate against longhairs. these are my beliefs and to me, they set me apart from those who cannot tolerate people who choose to be different that them. if you are bothered by decisions people make that affect themselves and not you, then you have a problem. feeling persecuted and whining that musicians and actors are cutting their hair does nothing to dignify the position that people should be free to wear their hair any way they wish... long, short, shaven, spiked... whatever.
perhaps gen Xer's have it this easy partly because of a few good apples who grew theirs out in the 60's and 70's were able to change a few minds. maybe you could appreciate that all that conflict did some good instead of bemoaning the fact that a few ex-longhairs have chosen to visit barbershops.
John,
I never advocated evangelising about longhair or forcing people to grow their hair long. I however do regret it when a longhair cuts his hair and will express my dissapointment when they do it.
Many of my longhaired friends have cut their hair and I have expressed my regret and disappointment to them but we have remained friends many years later.
More recently a longhaired friend of mine cut his hair which was down to mid-back and me and his other longhaired friends chided him for it.
He did it because of his girlfriend but she subsequently left him and he is now groeing it again and says that he is not going to cut it again.
As for you, I admire your positive stand on the matter which I have take too, knowing that I will be making sacrifices in the jobs which I can get.
However,s ay I'm whining and moaning if you like but that is where I stand.
Charles
I have noticed that a drastic change in hair style often reflects a drastic change in other areas of a person's life. I've observed this not only in celebrities (for example, the band Metallica--their music became radio-friendly around the time they cut their hair) but in people I know (a once-sweet skater boy who turned into a preppie a-hole).
Also, once a guy cuts his hair off, he often gets self righteous about it, sneering at those who remain long-haired.
As a straight woman, I view short (low maintenance) hair as another facet of the American male's indifference to his appearance. Women spend a lot of time and money to look good--why can't straight men reciprocate at least a little?
Lyn