new thread
Hi there--just discovered this board along with the Beard forum. I've had long hair (mid-back) since my teens; I'm now 28. I've decided to let both my hair and beard grow longer--I'm hoping to get the hair down to my knees and the beard at least to my waist. For those of you who have both, any suggestions on grooming? I've had my hair in braids and cornrows off and on, but have discovered that I much prefer it loose and flowing at all times.
Also--my significant other, Adam, has also decided to let his collar-length hair grow long, though he is keeping his beard short...for now. When we get a little further along, I'll post pics.
BTW, if there are other gay men in this forum, I'd love to know how your long hair is perceived--my gay friends generally look down on men with long hair; most have very short hair or shaved heads.
lol........i was wondering if some people thought i was gay because i have long hair and im in my 40s
I'm in my twenties, and I've gotten that (I'm not gay). What does appearance and sexual preference have to do with one another?
I had several problem of that nature because I have decided a year and a half ago to let my hairs grow long (they are now of equal lenght and cover my shoulders). People think that I'm gay because I have long hairs - I don't see the point...
I have nothing at all agains being perseive as so, it is what come with it that bother me (like all the talking in my back).
Never the less, I understood that what the other think of me is not of my business and there is nothing that I can do for that except not to be influence by them.
At work things are setling down now as people get use to my long hairs as long as I keep on doing a good job. I'm crossing my fingers on that aspect.
All I have to say is that this is a great source of joy to have give me the gift of having the hairs that I have always dream to have.
I've found the gay community to be particularly shallow when it comes to longhaired men. Most see it as a fetish for sexual satisfaction and little more - if you are older, or bearded, or something else that is not their "type", they want little to do with you. My partner is into boots and leather, and the difference between that community and the gay longhaired one is remarkable. The boots crowd is very supportive of one another, and very together. It is a community in which strong friendships flourish.
Though 90% of the gay longhairs are good men, it seems about one in ten is deeply troubled. Any community has a percentage of such, but the percentage among gay longhairs seems high enough that at least one troubled one shows up at any group thing that the community tries to do. Since the others come for fun, they soon shy away from group things and make quiet connections on the side, but it's not easy to build a community that way.
A few months ago the community was in turmoil as two groups fought for control over the #gaylonghair IRC channel, and it got to a point where one group was spamming every gay longhair they knew with obscene e-mails about the other. Then over the summer, we tried to start a local group, but one troubled guy began posting incorrect information about our gatherings, and then got hostile when he was challenged about it. Later, one man set up a new community on a major web portal, and by the sixth message the newcomers were at each other's throats. This sort of thing just runs most people away.
Who can say what is at the root of these troubles, but my suspicion is that growing up with hassles about being gay and also with hassles about your hair is a double dose that's a bit more than some guys can take. As I said, most guys make their way through it, but dealing with our brothers who didn't has made building a community particularly hard. To gay longhairs who don't have a strong longhaired identity, which is probably a majority of us, their attitude soon becomes, "Why bother?" And no strong community is ever forged.
I do think this is a gay longhair problem. I've met lots of longhairs, and straight longhairs are a relatively level headed crowd. Like I said though, and it's sad, dealing with being both gay and longhaired is more than some guys can take.
Short hair and shaved heads still seem to be fashionable for gay men, although I've seen longer-haired models in gay magazines' fashion layouts for several years now. This seems to be part of the overall cultural craze for '70s looks, but I haven't seen it affect my local gay community much.
The city I live in is a rather conservative one, and the gay community in general has the same conservative, "Don't ask, don't tell" attitude. When I grew my hair long about 4 years ago, I felt very self-conscious about it because I didn't seen any other gay men with long hair. (Well, there were two I knew of, but both cut theirs soon after.) I did see a fair number of long-haired men, but they weren't people I knew. (A lot of them seem to be construction workers - kinda ironic, since a lot of the buzzcut's gay appeal seems to be that it looks so "butch" and "manly.") Almost all the gay men wore short, preppy hairstyles or buzzcuts.
No one actually SAID anything to me about my long hair, except one friend who mentioned that he liked my hair better short (although he drooled over photos of long-haired models :), but my perception of being "the only one," along with the difficulty of maintenance (since I had NO idea how to care for long hair at the time) caused me to cut it. I regretted it immediately and began growing it back shortly after. (To my chagrin, the top has begun to thin in the last year or two, and I feel like I wasted some valuable hair-time.)
Most of the comments I got about my hair came after I cut it, when a few people expressed approval, but several more said, "WHY did you cut it? It looked so GOOD when it was long!" (A little late for my fragile ego. :) So, no more worrying what other people think - I'll grow it as long as *I* like it!
I suspect that a some gay men like long hair but aren't inclined to say so to anyone they don't know well. (I did get a compliment from a casual acquaintance recently on my "Tarzan look." :) I also suspect more gay men might HAVE long hair if they didn't feel so much pressure to fit in. If long hair ever becomes the dominant gay trend in New York, DC and San Francisco, there will probably be a lot of hair growth in my sleepy city a few years later.
Hey Dude,
I'm a gay guy living in Los Angeles, and I have always thought guys with long hair looked sexy. I have long hair myself, but like you said, I don't see many other gay longhairs. I know of a couple.
Cornrows? That sounds time consuming. I like it when I have seen it though. It is _very_ distinctive. I somehow think though, that such a hairstyle would be even more difficult to pull off than simply growing your hair out long.
Great! I for one, would like to see them.
Well, I am a bi man and I am new to this forum. As to how my Longhair is perceived, the reaction I have received from the crew I hang out with has been positive. Most have noted the obvious in an obvious manner "Growing it out eh?" Most of the time I just smile, and tell them "No, it's just the lighting" to which we both laugh!
Here in San Diego there are few Longhairs that I have seen in the Hillcrest area or out in the bars. It just does not seem to be the "in" trend right now. Shaved heads are however. While I was up in SF for the Folsom Street Festival I saw more shiny crowns than ever. In fact, while I was admiring all the toys at the Mr. S store, a guy was there dropping off more of new type of razor he had designed.
It seems he likes his head shaved but has tired of using conventional razors to do the job. Being the inventive sort, he designed and manufactured a new type of razor handle/ blad holder assembly. It looks pretty cool and it is designed to fit well into one hand. Both he and the store swear by its ease of use in clear cutting a person's mane. Progress I guess!
As to being looked down on. Well, some people will always look down on others who are different from them. In a few years I am sure the trend will rebound the other way and Longhair will suddenly be trendy once again.
The more things change, the more they stay the same!
Madoc