new thread
Okay in this segment I want to give a few of you guys with depression some advice. This is coming from a person just like everyone of you whom had suffered from depression for a very long time. I had about the worst type of depression you can think of with "all" of the symptoms and types piled in to one. In this era in my life, the only things that made me happy was my art and my hair. (This was a while back when I had an undrcut before I cut it at that time) I would never or barely step foot out of my room. I only stepped out of my room if it was time to eat (had trouble eating too) or if I had to go to school (Never talked to anyone except for my bestfriend at that time) Every night I would sit in my bed crying for hours. The pain and sadness were overwhelming. I kept all of my feelings bottled up inside and you were 'lucky' if I even talked to you. I am a silent person by nature, but I do talk when I feel like it (Now). I loved the flow of my hair and I enjoyed playing with it, but I never said a word to anybody. My mom knew there was something wrong with me. I was dramatically losing weight, and I was skinny already at that time. I was 6'3 at that time (Now 6'5) and I was one hundred forty pounds one day, one hundred and thirty pounds the next. as you seen, my weight before was way under the weight I should of been. I was an inch from dying away. My skin was pale from staying in my room the whole time, and never going outside with my friends or brother. I felt like nobody needed me and I didn't even need myself. I just layed in my bed drawing or examining my hair since it did help me though the hard times. I had no girlfriend at that time since I recently broke up with my GF at that time. I would never get even a complement from the ladies which made my days even worse. They usualy said I was ugly as hell, and I believed it. I asked girls out with alot of confidence, but either of these comments were usual: "I have a Boyfriend (Which I knew they didn't","I would never go out with your ugly ass","I'm a lesbian" (Just so they knew I wouldn't ever ask them again) I tryed so hard to be happy, but couldn't even manage to get a smile on my face. One day when I was at The School's Valentines Day Dance, I asked a girld to go with me, she turned me down (You know the usual) I still went even though I didn't have a partner scoping for some ladies. a girl turned me around and was about to dance with me, but when she got a good look at me she said "Ugh" which realy hurt my feelings. That day I had to walk all the way home witch was 5 miles away from the school upset with no date. all this had me thinking "I am ugly, and I will never have any happiness in my life" It wasn't only girls, it was even some of my family and friends. Usualy a Positive that sounds Negative and I took it into Negative my mind did. My friend, Ben which was kinda like an enemy at the time told me "You can't keep all of your feelings bottled up, it can brew something even worse than what you have now" I took this advice to heart, even though at the time I still kept my feelings bottled up. My Mom the next day started arguing with me "What is wrong with you? What is bothering you so much that you don't want to talk to anybody? Let alone step outside your room? You are sick and you need to attack what is bothering you" So I did. I attacked everything that was bothering me such as School, Home, and everything else on my list. I luckily got everything I demanded. I was happy (for about a week) then since I did have all those feelings bottled up inside for so long I did brew something even worse. Instead of silence and sadness, I had anger and rage in my heart. I then told my mom I wanted to grow all my hair out, and she said I would have to cut my hair so it would look right. My mom never liked my undrcut style, and I lost interest in it too, and about a week later I agreed to start completely over, and suffered an entire year in school with shor hair. Through those months my rage kept building higher and higher and I couldn't control it. I argued with everybody. I even scared people and it is something that was hard to control. I attacked this rage problem too, since it was no need to be mad all the time. Once in a while I do snap on somebody, but it isn't as bad as it used to be. In a few months time, I know it will be completely gone. Of course I will get mad every once in a while just like anybody else, but that is a part of being human. I now manage to stay happy even on the worst of days :) Since happy is the way to go for everybody.
Here is a list of things for you guys with depression to get rid of this problem once and for all
Do NOT ever keep your feelings bottled up inside
attack your problem(s) face to face
Do not be afraid of the outcome
If you are experiancing new symptoms after the depression then do the same as the list above
If this list doesn't help you, consult your doctor about your problem
Your Cherokee Friend,
"Insane" Dwayne
PS: Sorry for the long message, trying to help some depressed souls.
And it was very thoughtful of you to put it on this board becasue
I do believe that many guys who are currently growing out their hair
may be encountering some of these depression symptoms.
Life is difficult at times...
but if we step back from things and take a look
at the 'bigger picture' we may see things from a different perspective.
WHY do we have to get so angry? And it is usually with the people
we care about the most, too!
As you said, it is much better to examine out problems
and then do something about them.
I once heard a psychologist say that when you are feeling down,
if you do something--no matter how SMALL it is--you
will start to feel better.
Lying on your bed with no strength to even move or get up?
Then try doing something--even something as 'unimportant' as
cleaning up the room a bit, and you WILL start to feel a little
better right then & there.
Thanx again for the advice.
Both wonderful posts from Dwayne and Luckskind, and so very true. I would know as I have been in this situation myself. Thank you for the words of wisdom!
i, too, once went through a deep depression like yours. i suffered through agoraphobia, as you did. The thought of leaving the house caused me unbearable stress and made me totally breathless. Even a trip to the grocery was unbearably difficult. In the end, i lay on my couch for several days, not eating, not sleeping, never even answering the telephone. I ended up in the hospital, nearly dead from weight loss. Depression is an incidious beast that disguised itself until it has taken you over completely. My depression was nearly eight years ago. It is only thanks to freinds that i even survived. Counnt yourself as lucky to have gotten through it at all. I do, and i am still alive and now very happy.
In many ways I'm like you. I don't express my feelings well at all. I've always been poor at interpersonal, intimate communication. It's this that led to my recent "meltdown". Even when I'm at my worst emotionally, on the outside I'm smiling and everyone thinks I'm as happy as a person can be.
With my recent breakup, I really felt bad and was very down on myself. To make matters worse, I lost seven inches of hair, which made me feel ugly. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Nothing anyone told me could lift my spirits.
Fortunately, things are improving. Last night my best friend and I went out on our motorcycles. Riding relaxes me. Here in Texas, there is no helmet law. So anyway, we're cruising and a girl in a car next to me starts looking, almost staring at me. Then she waves. Then she rolls down her window and tells me, "you're cute!" Man, what a difference that made! We ended up exchanging phone numbers and have agreed to meet for lunch or coffee or something.
Like you, I went through the not eating phase. I am now some 12 pounds lighter than I was just this time last month, and that's after gaining some of my weight back. In addition to not eating, I didn't sleep either. That created a lot of mental and emotional problems.
Then of course I lost 7 inches of hair to top it all off. Note: Trying to stay on topic!
I hope no one minds these threads. For me, it's helping me. I feel better when I get my feelings off my chest, something I never would have done even this time last month!
You gave some good advice at the end of your post. Good post! And thanks to everyone on this board for being patient in sparing room for those of us having difficult times.
Peace!
You have great wisdom Dwayne, way beyond your years. Your advice is very helpful to all people here, including myself. Thank you for sharing. Absalom
Hey Dwayne.
I really feel like I have to reply to your thread, cos you really touched a nerve with me. What you describe is almost exactly the same as what I when through over the course of 3-4 years.
I became seriously depressed back when I first started University, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to go to class, I'd have days when I didn't leave my room. I was unbelievably unhappy that I actually tried to kill myself on two separate occasions.
I couldn't be happy with my hair either and I progressively cut it shorter and shorter buzzing it completely eventually. I hated the way I looked, I hated my friends, I hated my family because none of them took the time to understand, they just thought I should "buck my ideas up!" After one particularly callious comment from my Dad, I punched him out cold. His lack of understanding of my condition just fueled my anger and eventually my Rage with my family got outta control. As soon as someone passed an insenstive comment I hit out at them by either smashing something, usually glasses or bottles, (whatever I was holding) I tried desperately to vent my frustrations in a way that wouldn't cause physical harm to anyone else, so I focuses on objects, on several times I trashed every peice of furniture in my room, just to vent some of my rage. At the time I lost a lot of weight too. I didn't look like much but I was terrifying, no-one came near me, no-one spoke to me. Everyone was scared wittless of me.
I was the most loneliest time of my life and I became increasingly depressed and paranoid, to the point where I began to self-harm. Funny this actually made me feel a lot better for about 24 hours, Its amazing what carving up your arm can do for your short term mental health. But its not constructive long term.
The whole episode took a lot to get over, about 2 years of councelling (therapy) and more Prozac Prescriptions than I care to remember. I guess the point of my reply is to say that I 100% support what you say, and to show some solidarity, I know what you must have gone through.
And if I hadn't bottled up my feeling, if I'd faced up to my problems, had I learned to deal with them in a positive manner sooner, then I wouldn't have waited 4 years to get better. But its easy with hindsight, and its much harder to do those things by yourself.
Its 18 months since I last had a bad episode, I already feel like I've lost too much of my life to Depressive Illness, I feel like keeping on a more positive track from here on. I've also learned to forgive my family for their lack of understanding, just as they've forgiven me for making their lives hell for 2 years.
Anyways - if anyone cares - stay happy.
Your Equally Mentally Unbalanced Friend
- Sorted -
That's quite a story, Sorted! Hmmmm, I would have never guessed you went
through all of that bad stuff!!!
Isn't it amazing how we see people on the street and think they
are happy, when all the while they are perhaps going through a living hell?!
It certainly would be a better world if people were kinder & more
sympathetic to each other because...
one never knows what is going on in that other person's life.
Thanx for posting some of your experiences.
Maybe others will be encouraged to face their problems head on,
and not try to run away from them.
Yeah a lot of people put a brave face on it and try to hide it away, they do a really good job too, that's why it comes as such a surprise to your friends and family when they find out.
Yeah and hopefully encourage people who know someone who is depressed to try and understand that it is a serious illness and a medical condition, not just a case of the "blues". People who are depressed are ill, they need help and support. You only have to stop and remember that Depression is a bigger killer than AIDS in the western world, if more people switched onto it them maybe society would take it more seriously.
There are some good online resources, my favourite is linked below.
Insane Dwayne
Yes, I felt exactly like this for almost eighteen months while I was doing my masters degree. Everything was going wrong, I had no friends and in the end I was *very* nearly driven to suicide. For one short second when I was going for a walk near the motorway I thought I could just step out and end it... sure glad I didn't because once I finished my course everything picked up again.
Thanks for sharing with us - I could have done with seeing your tips last year! I too found that my only saviour was my music. I still have no girlfriend, still lack the confidence to ask and don't know if I could cope with losing one. Glad you're feeling better now.
