new thread
Case 1: Today at work, a customer that we regularly have, named Kathy, came in devistated. She said that she went to a JCPenny's salon to have her wasit-length hair trimmed by "a few" inches. The girl cutting her hair took 14 inches off! Her excuse? She needed to cut enough off so that the hair could be donated. Kathy, who promptly refused to pay (after being in shock for a short while), is now planning a lawsuit against JCPenny's. This was my first first-hand experience with seeing a trim go bad, and it wasn't a good feeling - just as a bystander!
Case 2: A co-worker of mine, Stephanie, who has straight, thick hair to her waist, has scheduled an appointment to get it cut for tomorrow morning. She is asking for shoulder-blade length. She's cutting it because her boyfriend (of six weeks) asked her too. She says that she really dosen't want to, but that she owed him "one. Whatever that means. I tried to talk her out of it, but to no avail.
Case 3: My girlfriend, Caitlin, has been told, rather "summoned" by her mom to have her annual haircut. In case you're wondering, she's 17 (4 months from 18). Her mom, one of the most staunch fundamentalist conservatives that I know, dictates how her daughter must dress, wear her hair, wear her makepup, and etc. Horrible, I know. I've talked to my girlfriend about it, and she dosen't like it, but I think has grown accustomed to it after all of these years. As for her hair....my girlfriend has about 6 more inches on me and about 3 times the amount of stands. She's got a wave slightly straighter than mine and her hair is a few shades lighter. It is unbelievable. Nevertheless, she must maintain a length of about 15 inches at the end of every summer. Her hair's at least 20 now, but will be set back with the annual loss of 6in. I know that I have no control over the matter, and it's more the parental totalitarianism that bothers me than the hair, but I just hate seeing this happen.
Ok I dont understand Case 1. What do you mean the hairstylist said I have to take enough off to be donated wtf does that mean?
Most dontation places, such as Locks of Love, require a minimum length of donated hair. This is so the hair can be trimmed up even more and still look appropriate as a female wig. Usually this minimum length is about a foot.
So she didnt go to a regular place for her trim? So if she knew how much was required to be taken off what is she upset about? And the girl cutting her hair for her fairly new BF thats terrible to bad you couldnt convince her otherwise.
Case 1: What is meant by "donated" ???? Was it for a charity event?
Case 2: Not much you can do there, but people not accepting each other as they are is not a healthy start to a relationship. If she 'doesn't really want to' it may provide a cause for resentment later on, once the novelty of the relationship has worn off.
Case 3: Not much you can do there either, but at least in four month's time your g/f can (legally) put a stop to her mother's behaviour. FTM she could do it now but there seems to be some intimidation (active or passive) taking place here...
What a bummer, especially for your girlfriend, Caitlin. Is there any way that she can actively refuse her control freak parents demands for 4 months? Control freaks tend to greatly anger me and I guess you can tell from what I wrote here. Maybe she could stay with friends for 4 months until she turns 18. If she decides to keep her hair long come hell or high water, refusing to cut it no matter what, things could get ugly. But a few years later her parents will likely respect her more for standing up for her rights and not backing down. This is MY opinion, of course, of how I would handle the situation but it may be better to try a less aggressive solution. I hope things work out for Caitlin. Absalom
Absalom,
Thanks for taking time to read and respond. What you say makes perfect sense. I don't think she would take things to those drastic of measures. Mainly because she's not passionate for long hair in the way that we are, but also because of the mentallity that her parents raised her to have. Let me try to explain.
Caitlin and I are fit the phrase "opposites attract" quite well. We're split on politics, religion, music, field of study, and almost everything that one could think of. I was raised by a middle-class single parent, and have what I would describe as "intellectual" and "open-minded" relatives. Caitlin was raised in a more traditional household. She has a perfect, whether true or, most likely, apparent, family. They are set financially, belong to a country club, hire people to cook, landscape, and cater for them. They adhere to trational male-female roles. (and yes, if you're curious, they don't like me too much)
Caitlin is more progressive than her parents. She dosen't approvive of an early curfiew, a limited radius that she's allowed to travel alone, and with a zero-tolerance policy for abstaining from romance until marriage. Yet she still loves shopping the high-end stores with her father's Visa, following celebrity gossip, and admitting to being spoiled. This, combined with her parental-influenced right-of-center views, explains her somewhat compliance with her mother's dictations. They use luxary to keep any rebellion she would have at bay.
Since she's not interested in growing her hair really long, although I wish she was, so she dosen't care too much about having it cut. A trip to the salon/spa, what more could a girl ask for! As long as they promise to pay for her college as long as she complies with them, I don't think she's willing to throw an offer like that away over something like running away. I have no doubt that the control will extend beyond her 18th birthday, but, as long as her parents are taking full care of her, she dosen't have too much of a say against it. I couldn't see her choosing to live paycheck to paycheck just to be free of her parents' rules.
I guess, in the end, it's her decision. I can only offer her my advice. It seems as if every time I feel like I am getting somewhere talking to her about her parents (who she, although not alaways in agreement with, is still very defensive of), she'll get an offer to go shopping for a new purse. I know we can work through whatever's thrown at us, and I like being with someone much different than I, but it still annoys me to see parents like this.
Sorry, I did not mean to rock the boat. Thanks for clarifying the situation. That totally changes things. Complying with the demands of her parents is a small price to pay for a life of luxury. And like you said, trimming her hair is not a big deal for her. Her parents will probably give her a little more freedom when she turns 18. Again, I was offering my opinion while not knowing the full scope of the situation. Absalom
In each of the 3 cases it sucks - I really feel for Kathy - hope she sues the pants of JCPenny's.
Case 2: Stephanie - well its her call - why she would want to do this for a guy she's been going out with for 6 weeks is beyond me?
Case 3: Your girlfriend - I hate control freakery, depends on your relationship with her parents, but I doubt anything you say will do any good. The only thing that remains is for her to stand up to her parents.
Case 1: kill the stylist!
Case 2: That is totally stupid, if one person in a relationship doesn't like the other, especially in the early weeks, totally wrong. Sounds like her boyfriend is a control freak!
Case 3: I feel sorry that you and Caitlin have to suffer due to her parents. Godd thing her hair isn't high on the agenda, or if it was me, things could turn a bit nasty.
Case 1: a law suit isn't really that neccessary
Case 2: Nobody should have to change a part of themselves to make another happy
Case 3: Her mom must be tough on her. In case if the mother hasn't noticed, your girlfriend's almost 18 and she doesn't need someone to treat her like a baby just so the mother can look good. She should be able to express herself however she wants.
Case 1: Personally I would suggest something deliciously cruel for the stylist, but Kathy did, unfortunately, trust her enough to not keep an eye on her.
Case 2: My opinion, if he asked her to change, there had better be a damn good reason. If not, then this probably is a relationship she wants to rethink.
Case 3: As long as she is willing to comply in exchange for a life of luxury, then there is not much that can be done. However, it is my belief that her parents will never respect her.
That is my main reason for not letting anybody whatsoever with a pair of scissors (or any other cutting instrument) in my hair. I made this decision many years ago after a trim gone bad at a barber's salon (he had cut much more that I had asked him to).
Did it once a long time ago for a girlfriend - and regretted it afterwards.
That brings me memories of the fights that I had with my parents over haircuts in particular, and generally over the control of my life. It went on even after I turned 18 and didn't stop until I put some 1,200 miles (and several international borders) between me and them.
A Linux Longhair
I'm going to try this again and hope it doesn't get posted with that other thread about a guy named Bill.
Case 1: Always do these things when going to a salon for a trim:
a) State that you want a trim, exactly what that means, demostrate with your thumb and fingers how big the trim is, and bring a ruler to show how big that amount is (1/4", 1/2", 3/4", 1").
b) Bring along a trusted friend who will literally watch your hair get trimmed exactly to your specification.
c) State from the outset that you will not pay if more than your specified amount is trimmed off.
Keep in mind that to stylists, the word, "trim," means to cut hair off to the point where everything is basically even across the bottom. If that means 6/8/10/12 inches, then so be it. This is how stylists are trained to think.
Case 2: And after she cuts her hair short for this oh-so-important boyfriend of 6 whole weeks, what's next on his list of things for her to change for him? And then what comes after that? And then...? My guess is when he's done with her, he'll dump her for someone new to control.
JE
