new thread
Considering that in November/December last year I was getting stick for growing my hair out, its amazing the way attitudes appear to change just 6-8 months later.
I seem to be receiving an unending stream of compliments about my hair at the moment. The compliments come from a variety of sources, though mostly from women older than me (35-55). I get very few comments from women my own age (20-30), which doesn't bother me as such, but I wonder whether older women are more inclined to have a preference for long hair than younger women. Or if they are just more comfortable passing genuine compliments than younger women who worry that a compliment might imply a sexual advance.
Personally I'm pretty good at plutonic compliments, and making them sound plutonic, so I don't worry about complimenting someone's appearance when the roles are reversed. I'm just curious to discover what everyone else thinks.
So Questions:
[To those aged under 30 Male/Female]: Do you find it difficult to pass a compliment about someone's appearance without feeling awkward about it?
[To Everyone or Anyone]: Has anyone else found that Older Women seem to be more "up for long hair" or is that they are just more likely to say so?
Thanks for participating in Sorted's Socialogical Survey...*grin*
Well, to answer your question, I don't find it awkward to give a compliment about someone's appearance. The thing is, for me personally, (and it's got nothing to do with the age catogory I fall under), to give a compliment on appearances sometimes create the "wrong impression" or the person receiving it looks at you all funny. What I mean by this is, I would compliment a guy on his looks and/or hair, and I would either get the reply attitude of: "Thanks, yeah I know I'm hot" or along the lines of: "Thanks sugar/babe/sexy, so, em...what is your telephone number?" - Not that I mind!
And the worst of all, when you get ignored after you've given a compliment! (This has happened to me a few times)- so I end up feeling a bit slapped-in-the-face.
As for me, I definatley have a preference for long hair on men, and if he's got the looks to go with it, it's a bonus! Though, personally I would also consider the personality aspect.
And when receiving a compliment, I don't think that age should play a part, as long as it's positive compliments!
I hope I've passed your examination quiz!
Thee Longhaired Gal
Lol its not an exam...
I'm just curious if there really is a different in perspective towards long hair between ages groups or if there is just a relctance to comment on behalf of the younger age group because they feel it'll give the wrong signals.
I'm not talking about strangers in the streets though, I'm talking about friends an aquaintances.
LOL, I know it's not an exam - I was being funny (or at least trying to be)...ok..em..
Aaah, ok, well if it was a friend or aquaintance, I wouldn't hold my mouth - I'll just say it and I don't think of it as giving the wrong signals...I'm quite honest when it comes to compliments acutally
Interesting subject, Sorted. I'm 32, but I'm going to answer question 1 anyway. I did notice as I got older, I found it easier to give compliments, and speak to strangers in general, but at a much younger age, around 23 or 24 as I recall. I do think most people gain a certain comfort in that regard as they get older, often at different rates, of course.
Question 2, I think there is a definate tendency for older women to like long hair more than younger women. I'm 32, often guessed to be mid 20's, and definately seem to attract women older than me instead of younger, plus the only positive comments I've heard recently on my hair growing have been from women, mid 30's to probably mid 40's. I recently started dating a woman who is 36, who loves my hair, and says she is partial to long hair on men, although not required.
When I was 30, almost all the complements I received on my hair came from older women. It's hard to complement one's appearance without implying more. A complement from a much older woman is perceived as genuine.
Ten years later, I do receive complements from women my age. Most often, these are genuine complements, but once in a blue moon they are implying more.
Ed
There was an earlier post dealing with this same topic. The consensus ended up that older women go after men while younger women are sought after by men. Thus the older women appreciate individuality a bit more. I dunno.
Oh, goodie! I get to give you a compliment! I've wanted to, but being new to this board, felt awkward.
But first, to respond to your query, I know what you're talking about. I've had long hair for over 16 years. The only time that compliments get questionable is when they seem like come-ons, so really are more about the needs of person giving the compliment than they are about the person with long hair, right? I'm not keen to respond favorably to selfish so-called "complimentors."
For you, being a bit younger than I, you would notice hesitation on the part of women your age. For me, I notice hesitation on the part of men my age. So it's probably an issue of whether the complimentor is within the general age range of the complimentee, so hesitates due to consideration that their compliment might be taken as a come-on. They don't want to mislead us or possibly insult us. We are not likely to assume come-ons from people who are considerably older or younger than we are. This is not unreasonable. If a man 20 years my senior compliments my hair, I'm going to assume he's in a fatherly mode, not hitting on me.
People with social skills will want to develop compliments that are more guaranteed not to be taken as come-ons, and this helps eliminate this age-related "problem." Make sure that the compliment is about the longhaired person only, not some sort-of supressed expression of personal desire or attempt to get a compliment in return. I've run into men and women who assume that I'm looking for a return ego-boost, just because my hair is super long and I happen to have it down when giving a compliment. Anymore, I don't compliment anyone's long hair if mine is down. I wear it up. It's sad that people are so quick to judge this way, but as I'm not dependent on compliments to keep my hair long, it's not the end of the world for me. I do like compliments very much, though, same as anyone else.
Now, onto more fun things. One of my favorite actors is Gerard Depardieu. Has anyone ever told you that you look like him when he was young? There's something in your avatar photo that captures many aspects of his face. Check here for some photos:
http://www.moviepro.org/depardieu/portraits.htm
And here for a cool, longhaired pic of him: http://www.atinternet.com/cinema/masque/gerard.htm
Well, it's meant as a compliment. I think he's awesome. :-)
JE
Depardieu - Wow - I always found him a pretty witty actor and I liked a lot of his films, but my nose isn't that bad is it? *grin*
Probably it's not, but I can't exactly judge from your single, small photo. I've seen a lot of Depardieu's films, over and over, and I couldn't care less about how big his nose is. Put long hair on his head and make him Cyrano again, and I melt.
So the important lesson here? Grow your hair long, compose heartfelt, beautiful poetry for the woman of your dreams, and woo her in French.
LOL!
JE
Ah... mais oui... Le Français, la langue de l'amour...
Ce qui est avec ces femmes qui aiment les acennts français?
Not all that talented in the French or Poetry department I'm afraid... I do Spanish much better.... but I only read poetry, I don't write it... but who's to know when it sounds mussy? *grin*
Tu pupila es azul, y cuando ríes,
su claridad suave me recuerda
el trémulo fulgor de la mañana
que en el mar se refleja.
Tu pupila es azul, y cuando lloras,
las transparentes lágrimas en ella
se me figuran gotas de rocío
sobre una violeta.
Tu pupila es azul, y si en su fondo
como un punto de luz radia una idea
me parece, en el cielo de la tarde,
¡una perdida estrella!
Rimas - Gustavo Adolfo Becquer
See! We Expatriate Brits have culture too! :-)
Sorted
Vrai, vrai, bien que mes yeux soient bruns. Aussi, quelques des cheveux longs dans la poesie? (LOL, I'm sooo rusty!)
You have absolutely made my day. Thank you very much. Lovely, beautiful selection. :)
JE, whose ancestors were Brits.
Aha, I can answer this bit lol.
I can become hesitant if I pass a compliment sometimes, but I find it naturally MUCH easier to complement a girl I like.
Also, I don't find it difficult to ask some people if they're growing their hair long (males) if their hair looks fairly awkward, like mine. Usually rhe answer they give is "I dunno" lol.
Thought I'd just that I have received an unbelievable amount of comments recently. the girls simply adore my hair, they can't wait till it gets longer. If they want to style it, I'd be more than happy, as long as they don't use sissors lol.
Even guys come up to me in school and ask me 'are you growing your hair out' they say stuff like 'it's getting long now' and 'it really suits you'.
The last time I got a complement from a woman it was a much *younger* woman, but she was complementing me post-shave. It seemed like she didn't like it when I grew the 'stache and sideburns back, but she didn't say that--there was just this faint look of disapointment on her face. Of course, she's got a SO and she's in my office so any implications are sketchy at best.
The 2nd to last time I got a complement about my hair was when I started pulling it back, and the woman was a *grandmother* for cryin' out loud. No implications of course.
Sheesh! I just don't get enough complements... comments, sure. Complements? Just not enough.
Not at all. I give out compliments when I know that I'd appreciate it if someone told me the same thing.
No. My mom simply adores my hair (even when I fall victim to bed-head in the morning) and my cousins who are 16 and 17 at the same age as myself sometimes give me ideas for when I reach shoulder-length. Plus, I sometimes recieve comments from customers at work from a range of ages.
I think maybe 'older' woman feel more secure about themselves
and their opinions, so offering a compliment is something
that comes more 'naturally' to them.
Also, people who are not in your age group, are less likely
to think you will be misinterpreting their compliment as
some sort of 'come on.'
Personally, I am finding that people are reacting to my hair in different ways.
Most people seem respectful...almost in awe...and keep their
opinions to themselves.
It's almost as if they are afraid to say the 'wrong' thing to me.
As an artist, I like that little psychological 'distance' that
exists between them.
And I like the 'aura of mystery' (if you will) that surrounds me, and makes people focus more on my artwork!
But THERE ARE SO MANY 'RULES' today of what & what not to say,
that some folks will say nothing at all.
So, if you DO happen to get any nice comments or compliments...
just enjoy them!
Dunno. Never asked me, did you? I think it all comes down to style. Or not. Ever been to a Dimmu Borgir concert? I've never seen so many long haired men in one place.
No.
Depends, I think. My female relatives, who are older than 30 pretty much hate long haired men.
While I like them just fine. And I'm under 30.
I feel like, as an "older woman", that is, definitely no longer a girl, that I can safely give hair compliments to men of any age (but my own) and have them interpreted as compliments, not an indication that I'm making something up in order to hit on them.
OK, I'm one of those "older women." LOL I only give compliments when I am reasonably certain that the comment will not be taken as flirting or a "come on."
Oh yeah, the older ones definitely dig it, i can tell you that from experience. I don't think too many younger ones like it..i'm not sure why that is. All i ever seem to hook up with these days is older women, and i'm 24.
I generally don't get a lot of comments about my hair, but some of the ones saying it looked good slightly longer have been 35+- some years.
A girl my own age did say she liked my hair, but that I ought to maintain that lenght it had then (this was propably 1½-2 months ago).
I'd chalk up a lot of the compliment discrepancy to the maturity of the observer. My guess is that all ages find long hair attractive on men and likely the highest numbers of fans are in the the teens and twenties group. However, upon spotting a good looking guy a teen might comment with a friend about how hot he looked but I doubt it would go beyond that.
The ability to get off yourself and consider the needs of others develops over time. Some people never get that far. It takes empathy to figure out a person might have doubts about his appearance and would really appreciate a kind word. Even for totally happy souls flattery does not go amiss.
Confidence also helps a fan speak up, another partially age and experience related trait. If the "what if" prevents a person from speaking up it is a loss to both people. The handy thing is that saying nice things get easier with practice and there are heaps of men who are ready and waiting to receive compliments gracefully.
Elizabeth, age 29 and active complimenter for many years though more focused on hats than hair until recently
