new thread
We have all personally received or have heard about negative feedback regarding long hair at one time or another. As a result of knowing that unfavoring opinions of long hair exist out there, i've become to a certain degree, an insecure guy. And i would think it's true with a lot of longhaired guys here and elsewhere. Let me clarify myself though...when i talk about being insecure, i'm talking about being insecure with women, making friends, getting jobs, etc., because i start to automatically assume that these women, these guys, and these employers, don't like my hair, when in fact many times that probably isn't the case at all. Anybody see where i'm coming from? But regardless of my insecurity, i will not cut it. I'm trying hard to have more confidence and not be insecure.
One of the reasons why i think some people don't like long hair on men, maybe lies with the fact that they're influenced by others that long hair isn't attractive. An analogy for this would be a child who grows up constantly being told that he/she's worthless. After a while he/she believes this.
It's also true that non-conformity makes most people nervous, and many people are jealous of attractive long hair that they don't have the nerve or the patience to grow.
Grow the best hair you can, so you know it is attractive, and be yourself.
I can well see why.
Sure is!
Correct.
Sure do.
GREAT!!!!!!!! Sounds like you are your OWN person..........not a "Clone" of the masses.
For most of us, at 1st we receive ridecule by people who are very rude and have nothing better to do than make fun of something. (Actually, they are in hopes of seeing you act demolished for whatever happiness that brings them.) A pitiful lot they are. Afraid to express themselves. You can EASILY turn insults into a fun thing however: AGREE WITH THEM! Ha ha ha...........it gives them no where to go. Go along with whatever they are saying and make fun of yourself and laugh along with them. This bursts their bubble so fast it takes their own insecure "joy" away. Just pretend they don't even exist........they are certainly not worth using-up any energy on to reason with because they simply can't be reasoned with.
But.....................and this is the good part: When your hair gets long and looks great the ridicule ceases. Now you receive Envy, Compliments and people look with awe! People actually come up to you and comment on your great Long Hair! :-) Many (for whatever reason) I think are jealous that they don't have the guts to do it themselves for fear of ridicule.
So, for now...........pay no attention to these fools who WANT an argument. Always remember: "To argue with a fool makes two fools."
Just toss negative comments for now over your shoulder. This should help your insecure feelings of being picked-on. I mean really..............just look at what creature(?) it is that is making the negative comments to you. If you were like them, think of the negatives you could level at them! But no, you are too much of a gentleman.
Brainless Wits!
Unfortunately true. Quite sad that ones personal freedom of expressing themselves has been ruined for life. Glad you are not in this catagory.
So..............let it grow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it's that, but more. As the years go by, you get used to having long hair and feeling it's the most attractive way to go. Once those feelings become those which are genuine inside, then people who dislike your look sense it would be futile to diss you, and people who like your look feel more welcomed by you to speak positively to you. So the net result is far less negativity and far more positivity. In this environment, the "insecurity" melts away, and I now feel more secure in my being than I ever felt as a man with short hair. Face it, I felt I was ugly then, and I feel I am more attractive now - that, despite the situation that I am much older now. I still feel I am more attractive! I feel very secure in my being. Guys who feel secure in their being are almost NEVER hassled. Stay with having long hair, and in time that is what you have to look forward to!
As with growing your hair, this growth under your scalp (I'm speaking of mental growth here) also takes time. If growing long hair teaches us all something, it is "patience". Be patient, and the passage of time will bring you around to the secure position where you yearn to be.
Bill
Take heed -
I am convinced that words and advice by Bill could "only" have been written by a genius. His wisdom, common sense, a great sense of humor and knowledge these days are far and few between. I dare say that Bill seems to have alike brains to Edison himself! (Though in other capacities of course.)
Thank you Bill for puting into words answers for this guy in such a way I could never have done.
Justin~
Yes, and after a while one begins to project this back to the people that you think might treat you negatively, and it then becomes a vicious circle. I went through a period like what you describe, but it has become my practice and experience that if I like who I am and approach new people and situations with that attitude, that comes across first. What a person may think of my hair (and earring) become secondary to their experience of me, the person. So far, that is just how it has worked, and so, that becomes a circle, too. A much better circle, I might add.
Robert
When you meet people, don't see their judgement, see them.
The problem seems to be that you don't have a lot of respect for the people you meet either, since you believe they will judge you (on your appearance, even!). This is probably not conscious, but still. Try to trust people.
-vincent
Ask yourself if you're happy growing your hair.
Personally it's something I'm enjoying every day of, even though I've been wading through months of looking crap.
The good thing is I KNOW it looks crap - I'm under no false pretenses. But it's going to get much better looking over the next few months.
As to your insecurities, screw it all. Remember those words of wisdom. If you're happy, screw what anyone thinks of your hair. Be you... and enjoy being you. If and when you find a girl who is attracted to you, you have the benefit of knowing that she is attracted to the REAL you and not some masquerade.
Also, here's something worth noting - when you're walking down the street and feel you look like crap and people will look at you - remember people are so self-obsessed they probably don't even see you, let alone think about your hairstyle.
And people who judge you on your hairstyle are the ones not worth knowing.
I think I've prattled on long enough.
Just be happy in yourself man!
wolfeyes
Some people like long hair and some people don't. Just like they may or may not like your clothes, car, attitude, voice, race or ability to make your own choices instead of letting them make them for you.
You are correct in realizing that the insecurity problem is really inside of you. Work on that and come to know that your own thoughtful decisions do matter and are simply better than anything else anyone can come up with for you.
When you learn to have confidence in your own decision making process then you won't see the world as having such a negative stance towards you and everything you do.
I believe that it would be correct to view those who look at your choices negatively are themselves insecure people trying to live up to other people's supposed expectations.
Over time I have learned that most of "bad vibes" I feel coming my way
exist mostly in my imagination.
1. Pay attention to the expression you are wearing on your face:
If you look nervous, worried or scared, you won't be able to
project much self-confidence, now will you!
Having self-confidence is a way of telling the world you
are happy with your looks--with your hair.
2. Smile. That's right, smile--even if it's just a hardly noticeable one.
Research tells us that even when we 'force' ourselves to smile,
it creates feedback to our brains that actually makes us feel better.
Just a little (almost invisible) grin can change your entire mood,
if you keep it up for a while.
3. Imagine others being 'envious' of your hair. Why not! If
you can imagine people thinking negative stuff about you, then
you can also do just the opposite.
And if you can't manage that, then imagine that people are
at least 'curious' about your hair...wondering things like:
* Wonder how long it took him to grow his hair that long?!
* Isn't long hair like that very warm in the summertime?
* ...and lots & lots of the usual questions & thoughts people have.
And remember, if all else fails, simply remind yourself that to others, at least,
you are a bit of a 'Mystery Man'--different from the rest of the crowd.
Good Luck!
'Nuff said!
Why be insecure? You're doing something for yourself that no one has a right to question you on. If anything it should be a confidence builder. Just think, all these people are taking time out of there cookie cutter lives to pay close attention to you. Even if they offer up negative gestures or comments. I'd be flattered.
I was like that when I had long hair (if you don't already know, I got a mistaken undercut, decided I hated it a while after, so I got it cut short again and never having another hair cut for the rest of my life), but it's something I got over by simply coming back with a few kick ass comebacks, and not taking any crap from anyone.
For example, if some girl says "You should cut your hair." reply with "I'll cut my hair when you stop taking ugly pills.". How awesome is that. I've wound up so many mingers this way.
Another thing, choose your friends carefully. If you have a few friends who really don't like your hair, forget about the morons. Seriously. Cut your losses.
"Don't fool with fools who turn away. Keep all good company." - Brian May
Another thing, if you regularly find yourself around a person, or people who REALLY don't like long hair, be very VERY careful. Some people on this forum have had trouble with people cutting chunks of their hair out, be it "friends", parents or whoever. Personally, I've never had this trouble with my family (both barents are genuingly not bothered, and I know they arn't just saying that) or friends (not really the kind of people who'd do that anyway), but I'm always wary of the odd random moron with a pair of scissors.
Many years ago an idiot (whom I otherwise knew) tried to cut my hair with a pair of scissors. His attempt failed and brought him an assault charge from me. I went all the way through with it until he got one year probation for assault, despite his claims that he "only wanted to cut some hair". A pair of scissors can be a deadly weapon and this was the only argument that mattered for the judge.
A Linux Longhair
I have been through that many years ago when I first had long hair. Eventually I realised that I wouldn't want to interact in any way with those individuals and I learned to value my individuality and independence more than being part of the crowd.
Gradually I grew a thick hide and a sharp tongue, and I usually strike back at whoever makes derogatory comments on me, in a manner that shuts them up. Or, in other cases, I just ignore them.
When I go hiking on the trail on a summer day, mosquitoes and flies are sometimes quite irritating. However I do not give up the hike because of the pests and I can still enjoy the sights despite them. Growing and maintaining long hair is a similar experience. A few individuals with a collective IQ below that of the average mosquito cannot ruin my enjoyment of having long hair and have no chance of getting me to cut it.
A Linux Longhair
Amen to that !! Absalom
You can't please the entire world, so please yourself first, then maybe those closest to you that you care about. This applies to many subjects, not just hair.
I've always been able to look on the bright side of negative criticisms based on things like hair. If someone doesn't like my hair, I find that they usually can't go to long without saying something, therefore I can cull out the more superficial types before I spend much time getting to know them.
Ah bum, looks like Spodman's post and my post have become mixed up!
I'll repeat what I originally said again.
You definately suit long hair man. It's great to see your progress too, well documented. I'd estimate your hair to be about 6 inches? My hair is a tad over 6 inches, but only reaches my top lip at best, which means my face is probably out of proportion. Oh well, I was beaten with the ugly stick, but you weren't! :P
Na seriously, your hair is looking mighty fine, and you look unbelieveably mature for your age in that first pic, the one where you're sitting at the table. Grow it long!
I was starting to think "how is this relevant" until I noticed that it was a different thread ;)
Thank you for the compliment :)
I just measured my hair and it was 6½ inches long, so you pretty much nailed it.
Yes that`s true.
People here, long hairs themselves have accused me of being negative.
I told them that I cant do anything about it. It`s the truth. What can I do if people have negative feelings about LH and they pick on me?
I don't believe that a man having long hair is viewed any different from a man with short hair. My husband have been wearing his hair long for countless years. From his 20's he have been wearing his hair long and he is now 35. His hair is exceptionally long. He have not suffered a single day of discrimination or any comments from anyone. He is well respected. From this I conclude that it depends on the way you think about yourself and the way you present yourself in public. If you appear like someone who is insecure, you will certainly be picked on. But if you act confident no one will dare make a comment. My husband also has a professional occupation and has never had any problem with employment. He has a good job and good relationships with other people.
Alot of people dont like long hair. It may be a problem for you. It could be the way you get over being shy though. Some people are not ones with long hair for reasons of style or conformity.
BUT: What else are you going to compromise in your life to "fit in?"
