new thread
Hey Rokker,
Just checked in after ages and read your post. Don't know the details, but sorry to hear of your problem. Just to say, hang in there, man, and hold on to what you've got. An old Sanskrit proverb: "Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come. Today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope."
I read of a guy who used to have black depression. He even went into hospital (asylum as they called it then) several times. But he used to write a lot, and out of his experiences came a number of beautiful poems (hymns, actually). One line says:
"The bud will have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower"
So hang in there man. Go ahead and go out - it may be difficult, somethings may bring back depressing memories, but keep at it, and it will help no end. Try going for long walks - something that has always helped me.
Take care, guy. And may more lasting and fulfilling relationships come your way.
Sam
Thank you for the message. At times I feel foolish to think I even posted my troubles here. But hey, I really don't have anyone to lean on right now except my bulldog, and although he listens well, he can only do so much!
"Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come. Today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope."
I like that, and sadly, at times I've actually thought that it wouldn't matter if tomorrow never comes. Right now yesterday makes me sad. Tomorrow makes me sad. It's just tough.
"The bud will have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower"
I suppose that means what I'm tasting now is bitter, but soon things will taste sweet. Soon, I hope. Right now I can barely function and each day is a struggle. It would be easier if the days were consistent. Instead, it's like one day I'm really angry all day. The next I'm sad and depressed, almost suicidal. The next I'm okay and doing fine. The next may be a mix of all three. To borrow a phrase from someone else, it's like having a nail through one foot and walking around in circles. Then there's the feeling of being undesirable and ugly. It's tough. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
You said: Take care, guy. And may more lasting and fulfilling relationships come your way.
I'm not sure I have what it takes to ever be in another relationship, either mentally, psychologically, or emotionally. Right now, it's just a struggle to get through the day. But I guess it's part of the gift of life, the beauty of life - we never know what we're capable of until we face the obstacle.
A friend of mine commented the other day that for as long as we've known each other, I've always had this built-in smile, and that the smile was not just on my face but in my eyes. When we met, she told me I still had the smile on my face, but it had left my eyes and in my eyes there was sorrow. So I guess right now I can't even fake being happy.
Sorry to ramble, I'll stop now and go feel sorry for myself in private.
Thanks so much for the post and wordsb of encouragement. They do help, they really do.
That sounds like deptression to me. Better be extra careful and...
if you feel you really need to see a doctor, do not hesitate.
From stories I have heard (and from some of my own experiences)
the first 2 weeks are the worst. In 1 month though, you should begin
to feel more like your old self.
Being 'left' by someone is a RUDE SHOCK to the mind, and your feeling 'undesirable' is proof of that.
You can't just stop feeling the way you do about your relationship, because
hearts have a nasty habit of NOT paying attention to to the things we tell them.
It's awful...just God awful--and some turn to drink & drugs...
but that is NOT a good idea.
Face it head on and let the healing begin...
Keep us posted.
Well, I'm glad it's just "deptression" and not depression.
Hehehehehe.
Thanks for the kind words. Monday was a great day for the first time in a long time. I hope today (Tuesday) will be a good followup! And you know what, I think it will be a great day!
Oh good. You sound much better. On with the healing process!!
All I can say is what a difference a single day makes. Yesterday was a great day, and today is shaping up to be a great day as well.
It's amazing how one event, one thing that happens, one day can turn things around and make you feel better.
Thanks for the kind words. And yes, I am much better.
Rokker, you posted the other day about finding it difficult to make new friends, well I've had an idea, you could enter your local university again, follow another course there as a mature student. But you'd probably have LOADS of fun anyway and meet LOADS od new people! Just a thought I had.
