new thread
Hi,
Never posted here before. I am 17 yrs old and wanna grow my hair long, into a nice neat ponytail. I also wanna have a goatee and a moustache (people say i have a girlish face, so it'd be good to have facial hair). Anyway, the only thing holding me back right now is that my parents and friends say that people will think I'm a hippie and do drugs and stuff like that. I don't want people to get a wrong impression of me. I'm ranked 11 in my high school, and got a 1540 on my SAT, so i do work hard and am pretty smart. I wanna major in physics and do physics research.. maybe be a professor. So, I just wanna know if any of you is/was like me or faced with a similar situation. Any of u, by chance, scientists or such? (If you are, please tell me if you face discrimination by other scientists, faculty, or anyone). Thanks.
this would be the perfect time in your life to grow out your hair... you don't yet have a career to worry about. if someone is willing to make such a blanket judgement about you based solely on your appearance then they are saving you the trouble of forging a relationship w/them b4 you find out they are prejudiced. sadly though, our numbers are disproportionately swelled by the likes of those who abuse drugs and are into trouble. it may be the preoccupation with the visual association that makes some guys reluctant to grow theirs out- thus helping to perpetuate the fact that most longhairs are drug abusers and into trouble. grow or cut your hair for your own reasons, not because of what others think. you sound like a pretty upstanding person- with decent goals and a focus on his life. becoming a longhair may help further build you own self-confidence- regardless of what other people think. your family will always be your family, but if your friends turn on you because you are growing your hair out are they really your friends?
John - Be yourself, that carries more power than any hairstyle. I wore my hair GI and Corporate short for 50 years. People said I should let it grow out. I grew it long for the first time at 50 and people then suggested I cut it. You can't win listening to others or trying to anticipate other's reactions to you. You can win by being yourself. Your hair is always growing, cut it when you choose.
Since I've grown my hair long I've had many compliments about how I seem to have a sense of who I am, more confidence. I agree. One nice perk is that ladies can't seem to keep their hands off it.
In 1970 when beards were for hippies I grew one and wore it with a three piece suit from NYC to DC. One asshole customer in Baltimore complained. My boss told me to shave the beard or be fired. I made him fire me. I got the next job wearing the beard and have worn one ever since.
John, you don't want to work in any field - or for anyone - who would judge you by the length of your God given hair, whether it's on your head or on your face. I turned 55 three days ago. My hair is down to my ass. I wear it loose, in a pony tail, and braided according to my mood for the day. I work for a medium sized company who's owner also wears his hair in a very long pony tail.
"You have the freedom to be your self, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way." Richard Bach
>>It reminded me of that period where people were so closed minded. Something like that once happened to me but I had choose to cut my beard then.
Later on I also had to cut my hairs that were beautiful and to my waist level - sigh!.
>>Wow! This is pretty neat, I'm jalous and I can't wait to see mine to that lengt nopw thatI have decided at the age of 51 to let mine grow long, very long. It is giving me some acceptation problems but I have decided to not take care of those cheap comments. After all we have only one life to live and this is a matter of personal choice.
I'm feeling much better now that I can wear my neat pony tail at work (the tail is about 8 inhes long so far).
Chears.
Jean
if you want to grow your hair long just do it .........i felt the same way woundering what people would think about me if I grew my hair out......so about 3 years ago I just said the hell with it im going to do what i allways wanted to do now i have hair well past my shoulders and i love it i should have grow it out years ago im 46 years old .............you have to do what you want for yourself because if you dont nobody else will
Dude: What you need to do is find one of those places at the mall where they will make you a custom t-shirt and get one made up that says:
"SAT: 1540
Class rank: 11/600
Physics Major
No Drugs"
Show the shirt to your friends and tell them that thanks to their concern, you'll be wearing it every time you go out from now on.
You like science? Then you might also want to mention that an exhaustive search of the scientific literature has not revealed any well founded theory in which Hair=drug addiction (or anything else), but you did find out that people who draw inferences about the character or personality of others based on their preferred hair style, are not generally considered to be reliable reporters of empirical fact. Cheers! And good luck in college!
. . . JP in san diego.
Do it. When I was 15 I started growing my hair and beard out. My parents freaked, but parents will do that pretty much no matter what! I've never let anyone else (including my lover) dictate what I should look like. If you let others' opinions sway you on something as simple as the length of your hair, how will you deal with even bigger issues? This will be a good chance to stand up for your individuality and self-determination. I'm proud of you.
R.S.---
I'm 33, a meteorologist, and a middle school science teacher. I have a ponytail, goatee, and a moustache. I am happily married and have never touched drugs in my life. I graduated 2nd in my high school, have a Masters Degree, and recently completed my teacher education program with a 4.00 GPA.
It took me many years to be comfortable with who I am, but I finally realized I was very unhappy trying to please others or conform to their standards of what is acceptable. I've worked extremely hard to get to where I am now and probably would have gotten here sooner had I been less self-conscious about what others might or might not have thought about my appearance.
Today, I have family and friends who love me for who I am, not for what I look like. I haven't really faced any discrimination because I am honest, hard-working, and respectful of others. My words and actions speak for who I am. Those (especially family) who I thought would be hyper-critical of my new-found appearance merely expressed an initial curiosity that soon became acceptance. That helped me to be more confident about myself and allowed me to concentrate on becoming a better person, while at the same time letting me be comfortable with expressing my individuality (with long hair, goatee, etc.).
Remember, most people who meet you for the first time will think nothing of your appearance because they have no previous knowledge of who you are. Your words and actions help to make the first, and hopefully lasting, impression on those you meet.
Good luck, and be yourself!
Jay,
Your post shows more wisdom and insight than I've seen in a long, long while! Probably THE most important lesson in life! People are SO ready to be something they're not for fear of what others might say.
Thanks for saying what you said, and for saying it so well!
Steve
Be yourself? Or is the ponytail, goatee, and moustache a new fad for the turn of the millennium? A few years ago, I remembered a credit-card commercial about some club that had those with "ponytails and goatees" that "wouldn't take American Express." Perhaps, the ponytail-goatee-moustache is a sign of an artisan beatnik?
No matter what you do in life there is going to be someone who does
not like it, and there will be others that do. I went many years doing the short hair thing because i thought it would help me get job promations and was very frustrated when it did not happen. One day I just decided to let my hair grow because it was what I always wanted.
It was the best thing I have ever done, I am making more money than ever and ever where I go people tell me how much they like my long hair. I am a realtor and my clients don't care about my hair, just the good service I give them. So grow your hair, and don't do what I did, I waited till I was 40, now 50 and still growing my hair. Grow your hair now and all will work out fine
I faced much the same situation in high school and college as a long-haired nascent scientist. I grew my hair long when I was 15 or 16, and it did indeed change how I was treated by others. One positive change was that girls really liked the long hair. However, throughout high school I did face the chagrin of the long-haired stoner stereotype. This manifested itself more as an assumption that I copiously abused drugs, but did not necessarily tarnish my reputation as an intellectual. In fact, I was sometimes referred to as "the smart stoner" or simply "doc", in reference to my burgeoning penchant for science and medicine. Sometimes the intrigue and cachet of being a longhair can offset what might otherwise be viewed as a bookish demeanor.
If people get to know your personality, they are less likely to be put off by your appearance. However, first impressions of you may indeed be subject to prejudice, and I suspect that one of the most important first impressions you will make will be on interviews for college and for college scholarships. Because a scholarship committee or college admissions committee will not have the time to get to know you well as a person, they will of necessity formulate a hasty first impression. This may be something to keep in mind as you ponder the decision to become hirsute. Since I assume you are not that far from high school graduation, you could conceivably wait until after you interview for college scholarships to begin growing your hair. The main thing is to look presentable during the interview. If you can grow your hair into a neat ponytail, that shouldn't be too bad, ponytails are not that uncommon these days. Keep in mind that as hair and beards first begin to grow, they can look rather ugly and unkempt in their transitional periods. If you have time to get your appearance to its finished stage before any interviews then go for it, but make sure you aren't in an ugly transitional phase when your appearance counts. Interviews are the only thing I would worry about, because who cares about the opinions of inconsequential strangers and unsupportive peers.
If you decide to wait until college to grow your hair, you may find it a more receptive and open atmosphere, as I did. The only time in college I found long hair to be a hassle was when attending keg parties. At keg parties, I was often approached by dope-heads looking for pot, since they figured I was likely to have some on hand or would know where to score some. However, I had a long wild mane of hair and not a neat ponytail as you desire, so you may not be subject to the same harassment I was. Long hair did not hamper my ability to excel or to impress others in college, as I received the most prestigious academic scholarship on campus, was named the most outstanding major in my department, and graduated as undergraduate class valedictorian. I did eventually chop off my hair before going to grad school, but not because I had to, rather because I grew tired of it. My advice to you would be ensure your place in college, then do whatever you want as long as it suits you. Of course, if your experiments in growing long hair and a goatee do not look good on you then don't keep them, but at least try it for a while.
In the corporate business world, a neat appearance can be a mandatory criterion for employment, but even there ponytails and neat facial hair are sometimes permitted. In science, there is no formal dress code. Although I no longer have long hair, I have recently grown a long beard. At the scientific conferences I attend, I notice beards, long hair, or both on some of the most distinguished and successful scientists invited to speak. Clearly, short hair is not the sine qua non for success in science.
Good luck.