new thread
Hello Men's Longhair Hyperboard. I posted, not so long ago, right around the beginning of summer. It was about how a letter I wrote to my school principal resulted in a change of the school hair policy, more specifically that shoulder length hair would be tolerated. I posted it knowing that perhaps I was being a bit premature. Nevertheless, I was a bit surprised when I talked to the new dean on my first time back to school on orientation day. I was checking with him to make sure that I would not be sent home, that under the new rules I would be allowed to go to school just like anybody else.
New rules? What are you talking about?
The principal and the old dean didn't bother to tell the new dean anything about me and my letter. First sign something was wrong. So the new dean and I talked about it, and luckily, he was easier to talk to than the old dean. After explaining to him my story, he told me that he would talk to the principal, find out if I was legit, and if I wasn't, he said there were ways that I could work around the rule, "pin it up" he says. So I left figuring that he would talk to the principal, the principal would tell him whats what, and I would be golden.
Got a call the next day. Turns out, no, the principal and the old dean didn't agree to hair that long. Lied to.
Talk to me Monday morning. We'll see what we can do to work around the rules.
Monday morning.
I really don't mind your hair, but you'll have to wear it up, or else, kids with afros and braids, they'll complain that your allowed and they aren't. You have the weekend to figure something out.
Ok, sure, thats fine, whatever it takes to keep my hair. I might feel wierd walking around with some sort of pony tail/ bun, but I'll do it anyway.
The next morning I was walking into school, and I happened to hold the door for one of my old teachers.
Are we going to have this conversation everyday? I told you there are scissors in my room.
I hope we don't Missus Crabapple.I don't think my hair is bothering anything. Your not the one who has to look in the mirror.
What makes you an exception to the rules? The rules, the rules are the rules!
I know that. I'm trying to change them. I don't want to be depressed.
She told me she was tired of having the conversation. Walked away. Another teacher told me I looked "pretty". Another told me I "wasn't going to win". That it wouldn't be Easter Sunday all over again, whatever way he meant that. We don't want longhair here. Another just gave me the skunk eye. And I've been an A student in all of their classes.
Had to have a meeting with the principal and the dean again. All we ask is that you pull it back, put it up somehow.
Ok, if thats what it takes.
I contacted longhair aficionado Gollan. He kindly sent me the instructions on how to make a bee butt bun, and for that I thank him. Unfortunately, I had trouble making one. Does anyone know if there is a specific length the hair must be to make a bb bun? My hair is shoulder length but my mom said she thinks it has to be longer.
The next day at school, I was taken out of class again. Dean needs to talk to you.
Your a smart kid. You knew it wasn't over, right?
Huh?
You have to cut it. You have to cut your hair. I'm taking heat from the teachers about it, and thats it. Thats what you have to do.
Granted, he really was putting his credibility on the line by negotiating with me at all. If you haven't figured it out, there are several teachers at my school fiercely opposed to long hair. My mom called the principal the next day, and was told the pull it back story again. So if that really is true, I've got up to and including Tuesday to figure out how to put my hair up. If anyone has any good ideas, please feel free to post them. My mom bought some hair bands and clips today, Scuncii brand, and shes going to try and figure something out tommorow. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to post them.
If I can't figure out an upstyle, or I think I would feel to uncomfortable wearing one (its an all male catholic, and I wouldnt care, but Ive got a class at the girls school too), my trusted haircutter will be in the area Tuesday.
So thats my story. Its been mostly ugly, but I think a bright spot has been the comraderie and willingness of fellow longhairs to help out, specifically Bill Choisser's web pages and the words from Gollan. I suppose we gotta stick together, as any minority might.
Feel free to post comments, suggestions, updo styles. I'm interested in knowing what others would do in my situation.
Celebrate it long.
I'd probably put it in a bun or a high ponytail. Maybe even a half tail. Would gelling it down and tucking it under your shirt be ok?
I think at the end of a lecture at university (I study at Lincoln University, UK), the lecturer said to me 'get your hairt sorted out'. Sometimes I have dreams when he tells me that to my face and I end up hitting him.
First, as a teacher, let me say how sorry I am that you are encountering some of the worst in our profession. And, I must confess, once, several years ago, I was that Dean. I was Dean of Students in a Catholic high school in Alabama, and the job changed my life. In many rspects, I have longhair now because of that job. I learned to see teenagers as human beings. I advocated for them. Got rules changed so that male students could have facial hair (reversed the year after I went back to the classroom).
I know all the heat the Dean is taking from the old-farts. You are up against some of the most powerful forces in the world--adult men and women who have never found their own integrity, so they cannot allow you yours.
Sermon ended. Go for the ponytail. You don't say how long you hair is. Even if you cannot get it into a ponytail that hangs in by itself, put it in a ponytail and use lots of jell or spray to keep it there. I know guys here will freak over the suggestion of spray and gel, but it's what you have to do. I did it all through the last part of my awkward stage. My hair was not the worse for it. I have long, healthy hair now.
Please keep us posted. You school sounds like it is private, and likely Catholic. They do not have to, by law, afford you much of any rights at all. You are going to their school at their pleasure. It is a most insidious system of disrespect of human rights that I have ever experienced. I have been in public schools now for four years. Not much better, but there is appeal to civic rights. Private schools do not have to afford you any of your civic rights unless they receive federal funding for something. Which, by the way, you might want to have your mother investigate. If the school accepts any federal funding for any program, the school must afford you your civil rights.
Robert
As a former teacher I'm confused about this. I taught in a public school, but there was no way the faculty or staff would have been permitted to treat a student like this regarding something as inconsequential as a student's hair. (We were too busy doing our jobs to be concerned about that. We cared more about whether students showed up for class, behaved, and did their work.) Perhaps things are different in private school. If your parents are supportive of you perhaps they can raise some hell. They are, after all, paying your tuition, right?
If it were me I'd also consider calling someone from the local newspaper and getting them involved. Bad press might shake the school up.
Good luck!
What a lousy deal !! It sounds to me that they are not so much against your hair being long, as looking long. If a tied back, upstyle will get them off your back then do that and enjoy your free flowing hair after school hours. Glad to hear that your Mom is on your side and trying to help.
More importantly, Is this closed minded faculty also limiting your education? You and your family may want to look at that issue and consider moving to another school. My parents, with the best of intentions, sent me to parochial grade school…..by 8th grade I was so frustrated with the limits (emphasis on uniform appearance, penmanship, etc) and thirsty for modern knowledge (science, arts, etc) that I begged my parents to let me go to “Public” school. When I switched I was behind in all the important classes and socially inept. It took me through my entire high school career to recover.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Hmm...that's a tough one. If you were in public school you'd possibly have more leeway. I went to a pretty upscale Catholic highschool and we couldn't have it past our collars. I know guys that would tuck it into the shirt, behind the collar. My hair wasn't that long until long after graduation so I didn't worry about it in school. I would say do whatever you have to to keep your hair. The kids in your school probably know you, at least by sight, and if you pin it up I don't think it'd be that big a deal. If you want the hair, do whatever it takes to keep it. Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet. As soon as you step foot off school property let it hang, bro. Good luck.
Any chance you could transfer to a public school? In our district, students and/or parents have mounted legal challenges to what they perceived to be unfair dress-code standards, and the end result was that now the schools have almost no dress codes at all. I went through four years of high school with long hair and earrings, and they never said a word about it. My younger brother, who is a freshman this fall, tells me there's a kid in one of his classes with hair nearly to his waist, and with eyebrow piercings as well! I'd say now is a good time to be a public-school student, at least around here.
Always amazing the issues that confront men trying to grow their hair. Guess you found a good place to get some advice, that is why this board is here.
I kind of hate to say this but depending on your age and type of school, you may find that there is no wiggle room to get by. If the situation that you live it affords you no options and you have to abide by their rules then I would suggest that after getting it cut then waiting as long as possible to get it cut again, essentially going through this whole process again and again. The reason being that you seem to feel strongly about it and it has now become a genuine issue. You will find that the first time through has allowed you to become familiar with different facets of the issue and now that you have more information and a direction it will get easier to lay out your case when this comes up. Eventually you will either get out of the situation as it's not forever or you may even be able to win out with a well backed position.
Excellent point, Hair Religion. I just posted to someone else that this process of growing out hair, for a man, really affords some insight into our lives. Doing it multiple times is a tough route, but it really will give him, if he does that, some profound insight into himself and the kinds of institutions that we have all around us.
Robert
Public schools are a lot more leanient. I knew a guy that wore a skirt for the haloween and the school didn't say crap too him.
Im so lucky to have gone to school around here the large majority of punlic junior high and high schools have zero dress codes.
Hey Pink Floyd Sound, I ran in to a similar situation not at school but at work. I posted the whole saga here while back.
I was told similar stuff like "I don't care how long your hair is as long as it's neat" and crap like that. All the company dress code says is "Hair must be kept neat clean and out of face." No matter what I did my boss gave me a hard time about my hair regardless of how it was done.
I cut it a month ago. Not that much but a lot to me, 3-4 inches. I am still sick with myself that I did not stand up for myself and have cried a lot of real tears about having to cut my hair.
I know it will grow back, but that doesn't help now. I plan on growing it to mid-back now rather than the shoulder length I had always wanted.
The point is: DON'T CUT IT FOR ANYBODY!
There are other schools, other jobs, other places to live, etc.
Those detractors who try to make you feel bad for expressing what & who you are, are most likely jealous of the fact that you have the courage to do what you want in the face of adversity, and they have never had the courage to follow their dreams and be themselves. Just be who you are, and don't let others make you feel bad about yourself. Conformity and fear are the little mind-killers. It took me a long time to realize that being different was not bad, it's just different.
Sorry to hear about the problem.
You are fortunate that your mom supports you. That is worth a lot. Be grateful for it.
Two ideas to try:
1) get a short wig to put your hair under when at school
2) change schools
Good luck!!
Hi Pink Floyd Sound
I'm sorry to read about your situation it never a comfortable scenary when you WANT to abide by rules but you can't because someone makes a rule that inhibits your natural freedom of expression. A bit like all the muslim schoolgirls in france must be feeling at the moment.
In your situation having been through this kinda crap when I was in school I would now, flout the rule and ignore the demands to make me cut my hair. But I'm 25 years old now and I much more forceful person than I was when I was in school.
I would also argue to hell with anyone who pulled me out of class and interupted my education for something so trivial.
If I was threatened with Explusion or suspension over flouting the laws I would, tell the Principal/Dean that if he suspends a straight A-student for a dress code infrigement as trivial as this I will:
a) go to the press and kick up such a stink that the school will have to suffer some pretty bad publicity.
b) He will have to prove in a court of law that his decision to expell me for having long hair was vindicated, because I'd sue the school for damaging my educational & social prospects without good reason & if its a private school where my fees are paid I'd sue for damages relating to them too.
c) & that I were suspended I will turn up for school everyday and make them forcibly remove me from the premises, lodging my protest everyday.
I close this with the line: "My Education is more important to me than your petty rules and it should be more important to you too! I will not cut my hair to satisfy your conservative perspective of what should or shouldn't be allowed."
If you have your parents support in this matter, it will be a great help, particularly if THEY rather than you can deliver these lines to the school administration.
As for simple updo hair styles, try a ponytail variation where you tie your tail normally except on the last pass of the hairband you don't pull the hair all the way through. This results in sort of a "folded" ponytail, & if you 'fold under' it looks very masculine.
Sorted
This is simply awesome advice. Take it!
Sorted,
I agree with everything you have said here and the sentiments that seem to be behind them. If an action is taken to try and move the school to response, the press may be the best option. Be aware that in the US private schools can totally ignore rights that are otherwise guaranteed by the constitution. Because they are private, you have no right to be there. Your presence in a private school, even though you are paying for it, is considered a privilege, and it can be ended at any point by the school. The only legal force a student has is if he/she can prove that the school contradicted its own rules in the expulsion.
I know this is crazy, but I worked for 12 years in a Catholic high school. I know how it works. Bad press, on the other hand, often cuts into a private school's funding--which is larely by donations. Many private schools also write into their rules that a student who brings adverse publicity to the school is subject to expulsion. Double damanation!
Anyway, just felt that this needed to be addressed. The courts are little help here with private schools unless: a) they are going against their own rules, or b)they receive any federal funding. The moment they do, they are subject to the laws protecting constitutional rights. When the school I worked for found this out, they took immediate action to discontinue receiving federal funds (which were minor at the time) rather than address students' rights!
Robert
Does the school have a written policy regarding students' hair length? If so, obtain a copy and find out exactly what those regulations are. My guess is they do, and it's codified with the rest of the codes governing dress and appearance. Chances are that your parents and you had to sign your agreement to abide by those rules. Even in public schools, parents and students have to sign some agreement to abide by behavioral/dress school rules. At least in a public school, the officials are bound by public anti-discrimination laws, so cannot sidestep them with additional rules that discriminate (such as permitting long hair for girls, but not for boys). In a private school setting (that receives no governmental funding), if you sign, then break their rules, you don't have much of a case to argue.
It's a place to start, because it sounds as though no one you've spoken with really even knows the rules, or has checked them. Don't depend on anyone's say-so, but get the facts first before arguing a strong case (or at least know if your case might be weak, depending on what the rules are).
JE
