new thread
To clear something up immediately, I would go to a public school but the one in my area is very bad.
Thank you for all the good advice. I'm really glad that Sorted posted that simple updo hair style tip, because thats the one I went with for going to school. I was very happy the nite before because I was looking at it and it looked pretty neat. I nearly thought that no one at school would have a problem with it. When I walked in, however, one of the teachers made a big scene, told me to go to the dean's office, called me a girly guy. A Christian Brother, he is. The dean, who I thought was on my side, decided that he didn't like it. The only person thats nice to me, was the principal, who is the dean's boss. As far as I understand, she said its alright, as long as I keep it above my collar, the updo, that is. So hopefully, she will override his decision that it is not acceptable, and I will be allowed to keep my hair.
Hair Religion, your advice is sound. The thing is, I am already on that path of knowing more this time around. In fact, its because I was in the same situation of cutting my hair that I started to write letters and things in the first place. The first day my junior year, the old dean told me I looked ridiculous, sent me home, and broken as I was I cut my hair. And I was very depressed about it, for a long time. Thats when the process started, when I started to do something about it, knowing I have a year left. I already know more about fighting it.
The thing now is, I don't know whether I'm the one thats insane or not. I love my hair, and I feel like I look good with it. But theres so many people against it, and naturally its easy to say well just ignore them, but its literally hard, when all people do is either ask you whether you have to cut it or make fun of you. Could they be right? Have I been guilty all this time? I just don't want to cut my hair is all.
Well, the balls in their court now. I will go on wearing the folded ponytail style if they allow me. But Ive fought the good fight so far, and I dont know how much farther I can go if the decision isnt in my favor. Naturally, Sorteds advice about getting the press involved and all that is valid, but to actually go through with that, now that my self esteem is below zero, because theyre ruining my thinking, would be hard.
Keep truckin.
peace
"My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt." Mt 26.39
I think a lot of us have the same moments of self-doubt. What separates the true 'longhair' from the rest is that the longhair gets to a point, perhaps even one particular moment, where he
chooses to listen to the voices from deep *inside* him that tell him to keep his hair long. He chooses to ignore people who ridicule his hair or suggest that it would look 'better' short. Remember that the people who call your names because of your hair are *not* concerned about how you look. Regulation of the length of your hair has *nothing* to do with your appearance. It is about power and control. These men and women want to literally carve their ideal into your head. Who do you serve? Many guys don't care about the length of their hair so it is easy for them to conform. But when you're a longhair by nature then when you are told to make your hair short you are being told to deny your nature. The easiest thing to do is to conform and really, there is no shame there for a young man who is just trying to find his way in this life. If you find the strength to stand your ground and take whatever comes your way in order to keep true to yourself it will be a remarkable achievement.
Well put. And put another way, the real issue is "How fast are you willing to grow up?" Taking on authority figures to stand up for oneself is not a kid thing, it's an adult thing. And for teens it's a test-the-waters thing. If you're ready to plunge in, do it. If not, that's also cool, because YOU get to decide how fast you want to grow up. [grin] Treasure the years you are a teen, you don't get many of them. You will get LOTS of years to be an adult.
What you must not do is cede control. You mentioned feeling "broken" and at your post-puberty age, if you let it come to that, it will mess up your mind for a long time. You are too old to take treatment like a ten year old. Weigh the pros and cons of the various choices and then stick to your guns.
And finally, get support. Adults can "go it alone"; teens generally cannot. They've bolted from the household, but it's usually into the arms of another group such as "their friends". The best support is real live people in the town where you live. Internet support is good, but it can't beat real live people who will get in the face of the people who would diss you, and throw an arm around you when you are down.
Bill
Wow, i dont know what to say, i cant beilive that some one as civilized as a teacher would say such mean hurtful things to one of thier pupils.Thats just horrible.I bet if one of your "anti long hair " teachers traced their heritage back long enough,to maybe the viking era, or whatever culture he/she comes from, she/he would discover that her late relitaves probably had long hair. Iuno, but to me that is very hipocritical. Thats like someone with long hair saying " i hate people with long hair". The only advice i can think of at this time is to not let thier nasty comments get you down. Just block them out. I wish you the best of this outcome.peace -Dustin
Be strong. The opinions of the morons who are mocking and criticising you aren't worth bothering about. I know such things hurt - I've been there myself, but keep telling yourself
a) that you are stronger than they are
b) that they are not the true Christians they pretend to be
c) that there are loads of people on this board from all over the world who are backing you all the way.
So as well as being strong, be long.
A question you cold ask them. Which of the ten commandments (which as they will keep telling you, contain 'all the law') are you breaking by having long hair?
My Advice to you now: is to tell the people who ob ject to your hair in such a callous manner exactly WHY their behaviour is upsetting.
Tell this brother who called you a "girly guy" exactly what you think... but do it polietly, though publicly if possible (it adds to the humiliation his part and makes you look really mature). Example:
"You know brother you are behaving in a decidedly unchristian fashion, a person in your position should not resort to petty name calling, its immature, unfair and upsetting. What ever happened to love thy neighbour? And doesn't that cruxifix in the chapel depict a long haired guy getting murdered? You respect him don't you? Regardless of the fact (you believe) he had long hair?" [Jesus most probably didn't have long hair but thats another arguement.]
"Please show me some respect and treat me with little dignity, otherwise you cannot expect the same courtesy from me."
Anything along those lines is fine... it works for teachers in Catholic schools as they tend to be Catholics too, or atleast hold strong Religious views. Use their teachings against them when they step out of line... it'll leave them floundering.
Sorted
thought that no one at school would have a problem with it. When I walked in, however, one of the teachers made a big scene, told me to go to the dean's office, called me a girly guy. A Christian Brother, he is. The dean, who I thought was on my
It doesn't matter WHO it is, behavior like that coming from a school official shouldn't be tolerated. I'd bring that to the principal's attention, especially if it happens again.
If you want to grow your hair long then DO IT. Why should you listen to anyone else when it's YOUR hair. Granted you're in a bind because of school, but if you can keep pinning it up then keep going. OR, get it cut at the point where it's easiest to pin up. You're going against the norm. The norm is short hair these days. Be yourself. Good luck.
---
Splat
I asked before... did you get a printed, hard copy of the school's official code/rule book? That is the single best place to start in your quest to find real answers. Not only will you read about the dress/appearance code, but I'm sure there's quite a bit in there that discusses prejudice and intolerance coming from both students and staff, as well as the proper methods for bringing grievances for review. Similar to what Gollan wrote, use their own rules "against" them. This will only show everyone that you're mature and do, in fact, "follow the rules."
JE
Just today I had a conversation with a young man in one of my classes. He is a senior, and we were talking about college. He said, over a very different issue, that he wondered if he was the crazy one or not. I said to him what I say to you now: don' allow the fact that others are not living their own lives and are doing what others want them to do make you doubt yourself.
You have taken a stand for yourself. It's perhaps the most powerful thing you can do. And, it will incite those around you who have not found the courage to do the same. The Brother who accosted you is point in case. You can have some compassion for him because he has not been able to honor his own integrity, but you don't have to allow him to abuse you.
Thanks for sharing your journey here with us.
Robert
Sounds like they weren't expecting you to actually go through with it and pin your hair up like an updo. I bet you they thought you would be too embarressed to wear your hair like that, but you're not, and that's absolutely fantastic that you don't care!. You are very strong, my friend, don't let them grind you down.
Just today I had a conversation with a young man in one of my classes. He is a senior, and we were talking about college. He said, over a very different issue, that he wondered if he was the crazy one or not. I said to him what I say to you now: don' allow the fact that others are not living their own lives and are doing what others want them to do make you doubt yourself.
You have taken a stand for yourself. It's perhaps the most powerful thing you can do. And, it will incite those around you who have not found the courage to do the same. The Brother who accosted you is point in case. You can have some compassion for him because he has not been able to honor his own integrity, but you don't have to allow him to abuse you.
Thanks for sharing your journey here with us.
Robert
