new thread
Some of you may remember some of my situation from early last year. There was considerable drama involved. I had stated in December my intention to finally grow my hair long despite any negative consequences for me.
I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses so that has made it problematic for me to have long hair. Back about a year ago I decided that I just needed to do this. I honestly believe that I have a longhair identity. I’ve wanted longhair as long as I can remember. I didn’t make this decision in a rash fashion nor did I take it lightly.
I was somewhat vague when I told the board in January that I had decided to cut my hair. I faced a lot of harsh criticism, much of which I think was unwarranted. However, given my recent proclamation that I was going to grow it and my lack of specific reasons for the change of heart, no doubt led to this criticism.
December 23, 2003 was the worst day of my life. Worse than when both my parents died the year before, worse than anything else I could remember. I have always felt close to my wife and especially being an only child with now both parents dead, she was my closest family. On that day she drove a knife through my heart. She questioned everything about our relationship, she even went so far as to say she was considering just going out and cheating on me so that we could get a divorce. We had had our ups and downs like most relationships but I never, ever would have dreamed that such things could be said by her. She also seriously questioned her belief system.
The emotional pain was intense and I didn’t know where to turn. Some close friends helped a lot but I felt I needed more. By this time I had drifted some from my congregation and my hair was sure to become an issue soon if I had continued to attend. In my emotionally distraught state, I reached out for help from my congregation. Hair at that point in my life mattered little to me. I was willing to sacrifice my previous determination to grow it out in return for support and a feeling of being at ease amongst fellow believers. My congregation did help me a lot. Things got worse between my wife and me. The situation became so intolerable at home that I told her that she either had to quit acting is such a horrible fashion or leave. She left.
The 6 week separation was a trial and a learning experience. I had thoughts of suicide for the first time in my life. Again I received a lot of help. An elder even came over one evening when I was at my lowest. She ended up coming back but only physically at first. It took her a long time to start being a wife again. Things finally did start improving but then in July she did something else to break my heart. I have recently forgiven her for this and once again we’re trying to move on. I have hope.
What does all this have to do with my hair? Those same thoughts from last year have returned. I was NOT joking when I said I had determined to grow it out then. It was only the most unexpected emotional atom-bomb as it were that caused me to change my mind. The old feelings that have been a part of me for so long have returned. Believe about me what you will but these feelings are real.
The thing is I still believe Jehovah’s Witnesses are close to the truth in many areas. This is basically a willful decision on my part to take a sabbatical as it were. I hope to keep participating but if my presence is too much of a distraction for others I will respect that and not be a cause for stumbling. I truly believe Jehovah looks at the inner heart of a person and that much of the organization rule structure is a contrivance of man. I do concede there are other organizations and religions that put strict guidelines on physical grooming so this is nothing unique to JWs.
I am not making any kind of vow or promise that I will go all the way in growing it out this time. But, that is my heartfelt intention. That cut back in January put me back a year. I have not touched the top since, having only trimmed the back and sides. So, I feel like I’m at a good point to just let it all grow now without fear of a mullet appearance.
This is very difficult to me. It is hard to face disapproval from so many that have been close to me. My hair is not long enough to face this yet but I would estimate by about January that I would face my first negative comments. It should be interesting to see when this actually happens. I once again emphasize that I am not abandoning my belief system but am doing this as a personal spiritual journey of my own in hopes of finding some inner peace. It may be that growing it long once will be enough for me, I just don’t know.
So, this is where I stand. Thanks for reading.
...StanleyBey. First, I'm very sorry to hear about both your parents and marriage issues. However, I'm happy that you now seem to be working things out. I know there are times when the glass seems half-empty but, in time, the glass once again becomes half-full.
As far as your hair, just take it day by day. Do what feels right for you. If you need to cut, then do so. Your happiness needs to come first. Besides, I think that long hair, like life, should be a pleasant journey, not a destination. So, at the very least, you can enjoy the process, whether or not you end up cutting it.
Stay happy, and happy regrowing! :)
If any or all these questions are prying too much into your life, please disregard them. However...
Is there a reason you and your wife haven't chosen to bring children into the world? A lot of women have a biological time clock, and while you guys can have kids even when you're senior citizens, we women can't.
I just visited your web site, and I guess it's merely a hobby of yours. But did your great interest in the type of hairstyle you're wearing at any moment affect her view of you? Did she think, oh oh, he's too obsessive about that, and I'm not happy about that aspect of him. If she has a more traditionalist view of the world, she possibly becomes antsy when guys start coloring and fussing with their hair.
As for when I see people showing an overly single-minded devotion to things like hobbies or whatever, I always wonder if it points to possible problems in a relationship, either a cause of those problems or because of them.
She is only 25 and just isn't interested in kids. I'd be ready in a couple of years but I think she'll need more time. She's really into her career.
She's never expressed any problem with it. She supports me decision to grow it long. She doesn't wear her hair the way I want so I don't think she feels she has the right to bug me about mine.
Well, in her case it is her career that has contributed to our problems. Talk about obsessed, she breathes her career.
Your situation is somewhat clearer to me, and I sympathize over the problems you've had during the past several months. Without greater specifics I had this impression that the conflicts you described were primarily related to you, not your wife.
However, I think you should be more easygoing about things like your hairstyle. Based on the web pages you maintain, I get the impression you're so focused on what's on the top of your head that it makes a person like me almost nervous (as though I'm watching a person struggling with OCD or dsylexia!), which is why my amateur analyzing of you prompted me to ask those questions in my last post.
I'd say you should just be happy and carefree about the way you wear your hair, whatever it's length or style. But if you have to be into such things, I recommend you deal with what looks best on you, not whether your hair is long enough. Personally, the ONLY style that I'd advise against for you is the crew cut----it looks too severe on you, and doesn't fit your face as well as it does on, by comparison, someone like Grim:
http://www.the-light.com/longhair/messages/81141.html
Of course, that's just IMHO, so take it for what it's worth.
Also, I don't know why I posted my message under Fitmus's, so please excuse the lack of continuity between his comments and mine.
Hey Fitmus,
That's so true about the journey being pleasant and not only the destination. I am very much looking forward to the journey.
Thanks
Hi Stanley:
Your presence here is certainly no distraction. One of the things I appreciate about this board is the staggering diversity of its members, and in some way we glean a bit from the knowledge and stories everyone else has to share. Please keep us posted on your journey, and thank you for your incredible candor.
Cheers,
Jeremy
Yep, I've been checking around the web on Jehovah's Witness, and, indeed they have this big thing against long hair on men and beards. As far as I can estimate at this time (excuse me if I err), the ban is not based so much on the Bible, but more on the belief that it would be harder to spread the religion to others if one is not of a completely orthodox appearance.
I would suggest that you be as orthodox as possible with your group in everything else except hair. And perhaps you can specialize in seeking out non-orthodox perople as potential converts. And search out, perhaps via the web, the most liberal Jehovah's Witnesses that you can find to help you with the dilemma. Good luck!
I would just like to add to Pete's comment:
There is no way you can relate to someone who does not believe in God if you do not understand where they are coming from. I know for a fact that many of them think we look down on them or that we have never been where they are or have done the things that they do.
I am God's man. I no longer define myself as a Christian, as I do not attend Church, nor do I read the Bible much. But I believe in him, and we have established a relationship.
I smoke and I drink and I smoke weed. I swear and I get angry and do many other things people would class as 'non-Christian'. But these are things I work on and try to improve... I am aware of my faults, and I know that God doesn't love me any less for it.
However I have found that my admition of my faults, while believing in God, inspires non-believers whose preconception was that to be a Christian you have to live a perfect life, and that you cannot be loved or saved by God unless you are completely sin-free.
In this way, I think there is more to religion than the JWs would believe. Hair should not be something that would make you shunned by your congregation... it sounds like such a negative thing. God doesn't love you any less because of how you look.
What if your face was horribly scarred??? You wouldn't look very presentable then. Would the congregation turn their backs on you then? Probably not, but you see what I'm getting at.
I would be the last person to try and tell you what's right or wrong for you, but my advice is this:
You seem like a really lovely guy, and you obviously have a big heart. You are devoted and determined and strong. You have faced a good lot of pain recently, and I'm sorry about that... it may even be testing, or an attack.
Either way, you deserve better. A man should never stop questioning his faith, because without asking questions we will never know the answers. Remain strong, and regardless of what religion you follow, offer your pain to God and ask him to replace it with love and trust and the power to continue as he would have you.
Good luck and God bless ;)
wolfeyes
Thanks for those heartfelt comments, they are appreciated very much.
You hit the nail on the head, couldn't have put it any better.
Good suggestions I might try, thanks.
I'm glad to hear things are starting to look brighter for you. That's a lot to go through and I commend you on looking and getting help. Too many people these days go through life on their own, not seeking help because of shame, etc. I sincerely wish you the best.
I know close to nothing about your faith. Does your faith prohibit you from having long hair, and if so why?
---
Splat
Stanley,
I usually try to stick to hair-only topics, but the possible answer to your dilemma is just shouting at me. I hope this can be taken as "constructive criticism," hurting people is the last thing I want to do.
The only stumbling block you are facing based on your story (in my opinion) is JW and long hair (together). They are incompatible, one should go. You don't mention how your wife feels about your hair fixation, so I'm going with the other pair.
Growing long hair is not going to find you that inner peace you crave, your past experiences (way more than "once") at growing your hair should show you that. Well, it may give you inner peace if it gets you kicked out of JW and your wife loves long hair.
"My congregation did help me a lot. Things got worse between my wife and me." - I may be taking this out of context or out of order but it appears they didn't help much.
"The thing is I still believe Jehovah’s Witnesses are close to the truth in many areas." - That is no better than a wild guess, if you don't believe, then you are not a JW.
"I truly believe Jehovah looks at the inner heart of a person and that much of the organization rule structure is a contrivance of man." - If you believe that, then you are not a JW.
When your wife was gone, did that hurt? I bet it did. When your hair was cut, did that hurt? I bet not even close to the pain of the other loss. You have a shot at fixing your home life if you focus on it without the distraction of growing your hair (meticulously tracking the results on your web page) and the friction it causes with JW. One (or maybe both) should go.
It appears to me from your story that you want to keep the wife, you crave long hair, but you don't fit in as a JW.
Work and focus on what is truly important to you and eliminate or change the less significant stuff.
I can understand and appreciate what you are saying but I choose not to see these matters of faith in such black and white terms as you lay out.
I DO still believe, that won't change. I just need some time for my own journey right now, a deeply personal, emotional thing for me to admit.
One does not just walk away from a way of life that is very dear to them. I am doing this out of a sense of resignation but at the same time as being a chance to grow.
This may sound harsh, but I think it's time to get rid of both the religion and the wife.
You will not be happy and find inner peace by giving up on your principles to satisfy the demands of others. Those in your religion obviously do not accept you for who you are. To try to be someone you aren't will do nothing but make you miserable.
The way I see it, if a group of people, or even one person doesn't accept me for who I am, then I don't want or need them. Period! I will never give up my liberty and who I am as a person to make myself acceptable to others.
If you don't have the heart or courage to leave the JW faith, then practice it without the group you are a aprt of now. You can be a member of a religious faith without worshipping it with others.
From what I can see, you would also be far better off without your wife. A relationship should be nurturing, and should add to peace, happiness, and stability in your life. If it isn't doing that, then it's dysfunctional. A dysfunctional relationship only wears you down. A bad relationship will eventually make you miserable, and will ultimately end. And once the day comes and it ends, which can be years later, you'll wake up one day and realize you've wasted years of your life.
We all live once, and we don't get a lot of time. The time we do have needs to be spent wisely. Think of it this way, if you knew you would be dead on this day next month, what would you change?
Now, I don't know what exactly it was that your wife did, and I doin't want to know, but just judging by her remarks and actions, she's not the type of person I would want to be with. My last girlfriend could often be quite cold-hearted and mean, and I refuse to ever deal with anyone who is insensitive again. If someone doesn't care about my feelings, or intentionally hurts them, or is so selfish that their needs come before the good of the relationship to the point that it makes things emotionally draining, then they don't belong in my life. And they shouldn't belong in yours.
And that goes for the wife and those in your religious group.
I'd recommend that you see a professional counselor to walk you through all of the emotional turmoil you're experiencing. Trust me, it is a tremendous relief just to tell someone what you're going through and to get unbiased, professional, sound, reasonable advice.
In the end, you simply cannot be with others want you to be. You have to have the strength and resolve to be who YOU are. Be the real you, not the "Stanley" others demand you to be.
You should do what I do...reject all demands and consider (but not commit to) all requests.
I'm sorry if anything I said comes across as harsh or insensitive. To the contrary, I want and hope you'll be happy. However, in your current situation, it simply isn't possible.
I'm speaking from experience, man. Good luck in whatever you choose. I really do wish the best for you.
Believe me, I thought of ditching my relationship with my wife. She has hurt me more in the last 9 months than any relationship should have to endure. But, I feel I do still love her and love is a precious thing and not to be given up on easily. I feel things can improve at this point. If not, well, I'll cross that bridge if/when I have to.
I am a believer, I'm just going through a time of personal searching. I may just be weak right now but I'm not abandoning anything, I just need this time right now.
I wish you the best and would never criticize whatever choice you make.
Good luck. I hope things work out for you. However, through experience and my 41 years on this planet I've learned that situations like yours don't work out very often.
I hope things go as you want. I wish you the best. Keep us informed.
Also, I think people here in general tend to be supportive and will always offer kind words. Feel free to let us know how things are going.
You are not weak, my friend. You have been 'worn down'. A little distance from the problem is what you probably need in order to gain some perspective before making a decision. Believe me, contemplation is the best thing for you.
If you still feel the need to grow your hair, definitely do it. No one has the right to tell you to cut it, unless you join the Marines.
Your time now is for healing. May God be with you!
That's one of the most immature and conceited comments I've ever read on this board. Your theme is "remove yourself from all that bothers you and life will be fine". That means you'll eventually end up living in a cabin on top of a mountain as a recluse.
Life is about relationships; with God and with others. Placing the blame for the problems on others and then running away solves nothing because the problem runs away with you.
Growth and maturity come when we realize that we are not perfect and work to foster relationships in our lives.
ToddB
What's immature or conceited about it? It is simply stating my opinion and evealuating things as I see them. You may disagree, and that's fine, but it doesn't make it conceited nor does it make it immature.
Not true. The thing to keep in mind is that if you aren't happy, neither are those around you. Unhappiness spreads like cancer. If someone is consistently hurting you, they are obviously NOT happy with you and there is NO WAY you can be happy if you stick with the relationship. I'm simply being realistic. I speak from experience. I've made the same mistake, and I'm seeing a friend of mine doing it now.
Bottom line is this - if someone is causing you emotional and/ or psychological pain, that person doesn't love you. You are unhappy, they are unhappy, and life is miserable.
There is NOTHING immature about my comments.
And yes, sometimes you are better off alone. It's better to be alone and content than with someone in a dysfunctional relationship.
For you that may be true. That isn't the case with everyone. I, for one, don't believe in a god. I don't believe in your god or anyone else's god. If you do, that's fine. I don't care. But don't go around telling me life is about some relationship with some mythical figure. It isn't.
We all have relationships with others, but that shouldn't be the driving force in our lives. I look out for me first. Any relationships I have (no romantic one at the time) are important, but no so important that I will stick with them if they make me unhappy.
I spent a long time, a large part of my life refusing to communicate with my mother. To this day, I arrely do. I don't get along with her. She doesn't care much for me, and the feeling is mutual. We're both happier not being around each other. Is it immature for her and I to mutually agree not to see each other often? You claim it is. Next time I talk to her, I'll be sure to tell her some guy named Todd B says she's immature!
No they don't. And I don't blame others. If someone's outright mean or cruel, then they can be that way with YOU. They will not be that way with me. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't take your feelings into consideration.
I bend over backwards to be polite and friendly to everyone I meet. I have no time for anyone who won't show me the same courtesy. And that, Todd, is not immature. It's simply, as your bible states, treating others as you wish to be treated.
I never claimed to be perfect. Far from it. However, I'm better than a person who intentionally will hurt another. I'm better than someone who is cold and unkind.
Some relationships need a bit more nurturing and work than others. However, some aren't worth fighting for. Your attitude seems to be that relationships matter more than the people in them. I disagree. I think the people in relationships ultimately matter the most.
Bottom line is that if you aren't happy, how can those who deal with you every day be happy in your presence?
I'm not going to put you down or call you any names or say what you're stating is somehow wrong. I won't do that. However, I disagree in a big way. You can choose to live your life any way you want. That's fine. I will live mine as I see fit. And just because you don't agree, that doesn't make my viewpoint immature or irresponsible in any way. I think my way is more valid and more reasonable. You don't. That's fine.
In the end though, I'm very happy because I live my life by my rules and I'm always me. I'm not what others expect or want or dictate that I should be. I will not compromise who I am for anyone.
You should consider doing the same. It's a lot easier being the real you than the you your "relationships" ask you to be.
Rokker, email me. I have a book you'd be interested in.
E-mail sent. You know you could have just gone ahead and e-mailed me!
Do you really believe that Jesus Christ would make it so very difficult
for people to reach Him???
I don't.
It's too bad that so MANY people do NOT know TRUE love in their lives.
Being in love means that you SUPPORT each other when things are bad and all wrong.
Your true love should be BETTER than even your BEST friend!
He/she should be 'your other half'...a part of you...
a person who supports you, no matter what--a team.
The world is a tough place, and almost everyone would like a 'special person'
who will always 'be there' for them...especially when everything
else is going all wrong...
A refuge...a shelter; someone to turn to in a moment of despair.
A person who will build you up when this world pulls you down.
The best Lovers put each other first. And isn't it nice to feel special...to BE SPECIAL...
and important, even if it is only to that one special person?
Fighting to keep a relationship together; struggling to maintain a 'partnership'...
IS THAT LOVE?
You tell me...
Luckskind,
You beautifully describe what true love should be. I wonder if such relationships can really be found? I think it takes work, maybe one day I can have that....
Stanley, I do understand a great deal of what you are saying, and what is coming through between the lines. I have a long religious history myself, much of it spent in my earlier years in restrictive type communities. I am in a different place now. It is a much better one. I will not make commentary on your religious journey. It is yours. I respect you and your integrity. I encourage you to honor yourself. Your hair seems to be deeply roote in who you really are. It keeps speaking to you, an dyou keep coming back to it.
I am glad for you and appreciate you sharing your story. It take courage to share painful parts of our stories. My best wishes to you as you journey on.
Robert
Wow. I guess I'm not the only one with this kind of issue. I was attending a rather conservative church, and reached a point where I just didn't feel like I was "one of them". I just wasn't connecting with anybody. I went through a lot of inner conflict about a lot of things.
Growing my hair out was not a strong feature of that conflict, but when I left the church I realized that it was then "an option".
Maybe I am vain, narcisistic, selfish, or whatever; but which is better: sitting in church and being a phony, or being honest about who you are?
A story was told to me by a man who claimed to have knowledge from the Holy Spirit. He claimed the Spirit informed him that a member of his congregation who was dead had gone to Hell. Now, regardless of whether or not you believe that, for me it begged the question of how a church attending man, in all appearances one of the faithful, could end up sharing the fate of the damned.
For me the answer is "by living a lie".
Now, since I've grown my hair out and interracted with people as a longhair I've come to a different kind of realization not unlike the one I came to in church: I don't connect with most longhairs either.
This is the real reason I've been thinking of cutting it. Growing it out has made me realize that because I'm a Christian I'm now alientated from the Pagan/Agnostic/Intellectual/Sexually Adventurous sort of crowd with which I once identified on some levels.
This is not to say that you can't be a longhaired Christian. I think it falls under the category of "food sacrificed to idols" as explained in one of Paul's letters. Everybody has different things that cause them doubts. The thing in and of itself is not the matter--it's the doubts.
Now, the nature of the hair thing is such that decisions to cut it are somewhat permanent so I'm holding off until I'm really sure that God is calling me to be "born again square". :)
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I think I am still searching for my place. It may be I end up back where I started but I think the journey getting there is important. I need some time to discover the real me, not the one that people have expected me to be all my life.
This is a little odd coming from me, as I don't share your religeous belief, but have you considered other denominations of Christianity? The Episcopalians/Anglicans are very liberal, for example, but no less devout. When I used to accompany my wife to their services no-one ever made an unkind comment about my long hair, or indeed about anything (I haven't changed wives, she has changed religions!). Of course, there's always the Unitarians, although some doubt whether they beleive in anything atall.
I think that the denomination you belong to has somewhat different beliefs than you do. I suspect the key reason that you haven't considered switching your allegiance is that you see them as an extended family, which I can certainly understand, but you need to think long and hard about it. Other denominations apparently pray to the same god, whether I beleive in him or not!
You see, I DO believe everything in my faith and I would therefore never go to another because I don't accept many of their teachings. The hair thing is just something that I am trying to deal with the best way I can right now.
Fair enough. I hope you can work it out.
Hi StanleyBey,
I'm really sorry to hear of what happened. All I can say is stay strong and things will turn out for the best!
Thee Longhaired Gal
Hey Stan, I am sorry, I hope things work out for the best, but all I can say is email me if you ever just need someone to talk to, no judgement here. Hopefully you and your wife can both find happyness, and peice. I don't know how divorce is looked on in your religion, if that is something you even would consider? But as a child from a divorced family, I think things were better when my parents were apart than together. If you can work things out, try. See a counciler, and talk it out, thats my best advice. Killing your self will not solve any problems. Remeber there are people out there who care about you, regardless of how you look. I'll be one of them.
If you ever need someone to chat with, email me, I'll try to get back as fast as I can, but have alot going on my self.
Tom
Stanley, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, particularly since much of it arrises from your faith. Faith should never be a burden. If you read the bible try this from 1 Samuel 16.7:
But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
A man, even a fellow Christian, can look at you and reject you because of how you look on the outside but God looks on the heart. That's a good thing because in the end the judgement of the brothers and sisters our the congregation is not important. Sure, we'd like it if they would put in a 'good word' for us in their prayers, but it really doesn't matter because God looks on the heart.
Very true thoughts and I love that scripture. Who knows, maybe I'll open some minds and change some attitudes. Thanks.
Stanley,
I am very sorry to hear of your troubles and I can relate to your pain as I had similar circumstances a few years ago. Eventually the pain will go away. One of the ways I was able to deal with my dish of crap was to do some soul searching and try to discover what I was really about. Most of my life I have been living by other people's rules...that was one thing I was tired of. For once I wanted to do something for myself. Growing my hair out was part of my healing process believe it or not. I didn't do it for the shock value or attention...this is something I have wanted since I was a kid, but was denied by my parents, employers, ex-wife, etc. This thing was for me. I'm sure none of my friends would understand it and, thank God, they've never criticized me for it. I've had many ask me why I've grown it and I simply reply, "because I can!" Pretty simple philosophy that has worked for me.
But everyone deals with stress, heartache, and bad breaks in many different ways. I'm not gonna tell you that you'll be chipper in the morning, but it will come. It's up to you to determine when.
I think you want to grow your hair for similar reasons as I. It's something you want to try...it's a goal. Not a real important goal to most people, but an important one to you, nonetheless, as mine was to me. I remember how my parents always scoffed at longhairs and thought of them all as bums. In Junior High I had a science teacher who flat out said, "I don't like boys with longhair!" This hurt me because, in my heart, I was a longhair. I wanted to show them that even people with long hair were capable of having the same moral values as them. Since then it has been my belief that I shouldn't worry about what other people say. I know who and what I am and so do my friends and family.
Judging from your posts in the past I know you're a decent man. At some point in your life treat yourself...grow it out...do it for you. There's no better feeling of control when you do that. I actually gained confidence in myself by growing it out. It's much easier to conform to the norm...but it was time for me to rock the boat and get out of the funk I was in.
So, my friend...sorry for the rant but I just felt important that I go on like this. I hope you know that you always have people here who support you and do not judge you. We're all friends here. Short hair or long hair it doesn't matter because in your heart you're one of us and you'll always be a longhair!
Oh, and if I ever hear of you wanting to take your own life I will personally kick your ass!!! Nothing is worth that. Live your life and enjoy it...and enjoy your next longhair journey, should you decide to embark!
Take care,
Brett
"One of the ways I was able to deal with my dish of crap was to do some soul searching and try to discover what I was really about. Most of my life I have been living by other people's rules...that was one thing I was tired of. For once I wanted to do something for myself. Growing my hair out was part of my healing process believe it or not. I didn't do it for the shock value or attention...this is something I have wanted since I was a kid, but was denied by my parents, employers, ex-wife, etc. This thing was for me. I'm sure none of my friends would understand it and, thank God, they've never criticized me for it."
That sums up EXACTLY how I feel right now. For once, I want to do something that I have always wanted to.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts, they really hit home with me. Unfortunately, most people won't understand this goal and will probably think I'm crazy (and I'm not just talking about JWs) but it's good to know there ARE people who do understand and are supportive. Thanks again.
Hi Stanley,
You've gotten some great comments from others here, and I won't repeat the ground they've covered. With regards to the above, though, here's a thought....
Rather than plowing into the inevitable storm with no idea of when it will hit, why not tell them, while your hair is still short and "acceptable", that you have foregone haircuts, and why. There is much less they can say while it is still short.
Then when it does get longer, if they say anything, remind them that you discussed it with them months ago and that nothing has changed -- you are still foregoing haircuts -- so you will not discuss it further. AND THEN DON'T.
Bill
I have tested this approach with my friends in the online JW community. As I expected, I got a mix of reactions. One woman told me to remove her as a friend. Others keep trying to talk me out of it. Others seem more accepting.
I think this is likely a microcosm for what I can expect from my real-life community.
She asked you to remove her as a friend because of such a simple minor thing as hair?! She sounds very 'stuck up', that's horrible.
Alright Stanley, listen up. You have to make sure that you do what you feel is right and will aid you the most in taking control of your life. You can't let the circumstances in your life beat your ass! YOU have to grab the bull by the horns, man. No one can do it for you.
As far as religion goes, I am a Christian. I stop it there. I belive that Jesus Christ died for me on the cross, and that because I put faith in His teachings, and live by strong morals and ethics, that I will go to Heaven as long as I never do the unpardonable: turn my back to Him.
Here is where you must think carefully. Growing your hair will not affect how God looks at you, only people. And if they were truly His people, they would not look at you differently either. I hate to say it, but if your congregation can't like a Stanley with long hair, you don't need to be around them. Read your BIBLE (basic instuctions before leaving earth) and see what you can make out of things on your own. If you need this journey so bad, take it, and take your hair with you.
I think you would look great with long hair. Getting it is the problem. But after about 10 months, give or take, it will really look damn nice. Your hair will be fine.
About your wife, if you really love her and you feel you can convince her to love you once again, go for it. Otherwise, do not waste your time, it is precious. Maybe you need to be alone for a while. Sometimes you think a little differently if you can't share your thoughts. Believe me, I know.
And don't wait for your hair to get a certain length before you begin to enjoy it. Enjoy it through all of its stages. I want my hair down to my butt, but I enjoy it at shoulder length now. Get me?
Take care man...
Ivix
You are a tremendous person who has had a very difficult time. Personnally, any religeos group more concerned with your appearance than the salvation of your soul may have priority issues. It if your hair, God given hair, great hair and if you want it long it is your business. My vote is for very long! Keep your chin up, and covered by your bangs.
