new thread
Sitting on the shore
Sand between my fingers
Peering at the waves
Breaking themselves
On the rocks.
See the horizon
I want to see further
Want to go further
Reach the never-ending end.
I want to swim
Keep swimming
See the other side
But will I see you?
Will I see another empty shore?
Another horizon?
Will I be another broken wave?
I can’t go and find you
You’re like the horizon
Just out of reach.
You’ll have to swim
I’ll wait
Watch the horizon
You won’t be a broken wave.
maybe you know exactly what u're trying to express in your poem.. but, to me there are many things here that dun fit togather.. like every paragraph (iforgot the word for paragraphs in poems) is really good on it's on.. but it doesn't work for me...
the lines in brackets kinda contradict each other.. you wanna keep going... i get the feling youre looking for something but u dunno what it is.. but then you suddenly say that ur target is to see the other side..
oh well whatever.. i got a C in english.. it's 5:30 am here.. dun have to listen to me
Actually I agree. Some lines don't fit. I suppose it just needs chopping and changing.