new thread
Hey,
For all members of the board: how is the relationship between your significant other, and your choice to grow long hair? For those who currently have long hair, was your s/o supportive of your growing it? Would you cut it for your significant other? Also, why are so many women against long hair on a man? I've had 6 girlfriends, all different types of girls, and all were adamantly opposed to the idea of me growing my hair, which until now stopped me from growing it.
Well my hair was already nipple length before I ever started dating, so nobody had the privilege of telling me to not grow it out. But now, between two girlfriends and several uhh... special friends, I've never had a complaint about my hair. Actually they've all preferred it.
Hair length is just like everything else when it comes to looks. Some like it, some hate it, and some couldn't care less. I will say this, though: the ones who like long hair are definitely more fun. ;)
I say grow your hair. Once you have long hair, you won't have to worry about ending up with a girl that wants you to have short hair because you'll already have the hair that will keep them at bay. And personally, I'll take my long hair and my style and my piercings and tattoos and all that other stuff over any girl any day.
Cheers,
Jarvis
"And personally, I'll take my long hair and my style and my piercings and tattoos and all that other stuff over any girl any day."
and Jarvis - that's what I like about you - you are your own man and you are confident in it! Good! I admire that.
Thank you! Really I don't know how to not be confident in myself, though. At the risk of sounding overwhelmingly smug: I'm intelligent, and I know it; I'm in control over what happens to my body, and I know it; and I can achieve all of my goals in due time, and I know it. Without confidence, I wouldn't be constantly studying physics, theology, psychology, and anthropology, I wouldn't be practicing piercings on myself and trying to figure out how to enter into the body mod world to make a living doing heavy mods, I wouldn't be playing music, and I wouldn't have plans of leaving my deadbeat small town in 6 months. I'm ridiculously overconfident and so I'm driven to do things in order to justify that obscene, borderline-narcissistic confidence. :p
Hi there Mr. Hair,
The reply you received from Jarvis below me says it all; but just for fun, I'll add in a few other comments as well...
1) try not dating at all until you have achieved at least long-ISH hair -- then use that hair as a "filter" to help you identify which girlfriend you should dump and which one might be a keeper!
2) if ever dating someone who starts to try to "change" you about some of the things you love about yourself (example: wants you to cut your hair), then learn to run as fast as you can in the exact opposite direction...
3) if all seems to be going well with your significant other until, say, the 2 of you decide to get serious enough to tie the knot -- and THEN she asks you to cut your hair for the wedding... Go back to comment #2, above, and follow that advice to the letter!
Does that answer your question?
- Ken in San Francisco
(who just so happens to be a gay guy; but hey, the rules apply the same to either sex and/or sexual orientation, regardless!)
Hey, Mr. Hair -
Great question -
I have always folded to the hair growing thing - from the time I was a kid in the late 60s/early 70s - doing what my parents set limits on - and all through my life - but I always wanted to grow my hair long - at 57 I am finally doing it.
My son has grown his hair out long twice in his life and is currently about a year ahead of me in his progress. My other son is a slave to the clippers... My daughter pushed her BF to cut his hair for Christmas (as did his mother) and he did...
My wife would much prefer me to have my hair cut shorter and styled, but has not said one word directly to me. I do need affirmation and would appreciate a kind word from her on how I look, but I accept that she does not prefer it long and thankful she does not pester me about it - she does play with my hair when we are driving in the car -and I take that as a positive thing -
I made up my mind that I was going to give this a try - I call it 'my bucket list' goal. It's been a test of my patience. I had no idea it would take as long as it has - I laugh as I look back on my original goal of going 6 months without a hair cut - the pics of me then show me with what I now consider to be short hair... I've had some other bucket listings I am working on, too - personal best type goals - and just things I want to do for myself now that my kids are grown up and I am looking at 60 on the horizon... life is short and gets shorter all the time!
I think what Ken and Jarvis said holds a lot of merit - if you are with someone who does not accept you as you are - whether they see it as best or not - or if someone tries to change you to fit their plan - that is not good... and it's worth examining with them.
I'm lucky - I have folks in my life who let me be me - they may not like it 100% - but they aren't trying to change me to fit their personal preferences - nor am I trying to change them to fit mine.
Best wishes to you, Mr. Hair -
Fitzgarce
Most women can't stand the idea of a dude having longer -and better looking- hair than them. I think that's point number one.
I have always been very confident with myself and I like how I look with short or long hair.
I realized that people who were attracted to me when I had short hair, are probably less atracted to me now that I have long hair. But hey! Now that I have long hair , I started to attract people than probably never even looked at me when I had short hair.
So, there will be always someone who feels attraction to you, whether you have short or a long mane .
I think you should do whatever you want. Life is too short to avoid doing certain things just because others don't like it. Besides, men start to loose their hair at some point of their lives, so it's not that you can have long hair whenever you want.
Hi Mr. Hair,
First of all, let me say that those who mind don't matter! And those who matter don't mind! With that being said, my wife is and always has been supportive of me growing my hair. When I cut off 14 inches last time, she tried to talk me out of it. Of course, I didn't listen and here I am growing again! It just takes so much longer to grow than to cut!
I can see why you've had so many girlfriends! You have to find one who will let you be yourself! Thank goodness I don't have to worry about cutting it for my wife. I think many women are envious of men with hair for one main reason. This is because men generally have better looking/condition long hair. We don't use heat and all the other damaging products. Hope this helps.
Ted
Never had that problem/ When my partner and met 23 years ago. we both had long hair. His has thinned and he has cut it shorter, but I after trimming it somewhat shorter have obvioulsy lrt it grow fo nearly 5 years. It helps that my partner is a cosmetician and owned a Scottsdlae Salon before retiring and selling the business. Gay or straight. If long hair is part of who you are. anyone interested in you should accept the entire package. In my younger days. several realtionships went south when they tried to "change' me. I mule up considerable. Maybe a failing on my part. But I am not customizable.
Mr, Hair, thanks for asking the question...some of the answers have been enlightening.
My wife is none too crazy about my ever-growing hair. Once every weeks or so, she'll ask me to cut it. When she does, I'll smile and say, "Okay, you've made your mandatory weekly complaint about my hair. Now that that's out of the way, you can relax and enjoy the rest of the week."
Responding to these periodic intrusions has taught me something; I've learned to not be critical of someone else's appearance. Having someone nag me about my hair serves as a reminder to me to be more accepting myself.
It does seem that there is a certain percentage of the population that has marked off 'long hair' as exclusively female territory. There are women who see hair as an essentially girl-thing and as has been pointed out often enough on this board, a large slice of the male population seems happy to go along with that. It is an interesting phenomenon, especially so since women today seem comfortable with the the notion that whether to wear their hair long, in-between, short, or even buzzed off, is just a personal choice and that they should be accepted whatever choice they make. But many of those same women look askance at a man who claims the same freedom.
Oh well, what can you do??!
Your last point rings too true. In my experience, a girl will want to do this, that or the other with their hair, and will think you're a jerk if you're not accepting--but also demand you conform to what they feel is a good look for you. Case in point my ex. I didn't grow my hair because of her complaints, but when she decided to dye her hair bleach blonde, I was expected to totally support it. Her aesthetic choice was ok, mine wasn't. My attitude is, I don't care if my girlfriend's hair is long, short, GI Jane, pink, blue or green, she's still herself regardless of how she has her hair, and I love her because she's her, not because her hair is a certain style. A lot of women don't seem to share the same attitude towards men.
My husband is cool with my hair. Oh, he complains that my beard tickles his nose in the middle of the night, and that long hairs get found everywhere, including in his food and in between his toes. But we have a deal. I don't complain about the big clunky boots that he wears, and he doesn't complain about my hair.
He never commented in a positive or negative way about it. He had long hair and a beard when we met, so there wasn't much he could say.
He wouldn't dare ask.
We've been together 37 years now, so what is "dating"? I've forgotten. [grin]
All in all, we have both always been very supportive of each other. I tell him that a dog chasing butterflies in a field is a lot more fun than a dog on a leash. I want him to be happy, because that makes me happy.
He has about 60 pairs of boots and I have about 60 bandannas. I tease him that bandannas are a lot cheaper, and they all fit in a box instead of filling the bedroom on large shelves. Providing a hippie with groovy threads doesn't cost much. More money for boots!
We get along just fine.
Bill
I used to wear cowboy boots many years ago. Now that they cost in the $300 neighborhood i've sworn off them.
Which raises the question how come women have many varieties of
boots but men only have one style of boots:
http://www.sears.com/timberland-pro-men-s-work-boot-6inch-soft-toe/p-06784350000P?sid=IDx01192011x000001&kpid=06784350571&kispla=06784350000P
And how come one can't find cowboy boots for men anymore?
Everytime I go to the store to get boots/shoes and end getting nothing becuase I hate everything they have.
So in the meantime i'm usually wearing sneaekers, clogs, or
as a last resort work boots.
loads of styles to choose from
I quite like some of those boots though. But I spend most of my life in Converse Hi-Tops.
Damon
----------------------------------------------------
You have not been looking in the right places. Larry offers the link below to you to dispel yourself of that notion. Enjoy!
Bill
Boot Merchants
how about gothic stores? they have a bunch of different styles and almost any length up to knee height
I'm looking at getting some myself
http://www.demonia.co.uk/
Hi Mr. Hair,
Some really good advice below in the other answers to your question.
For me, my partner does not like my long hair. He freely discusses this when other people bring my hair length up. Which happens a lot, by the way: I've never known something appearance-wise that gets people talking like the length of my hair.
To be fair, when we met, 12 years ago, I had a military-style buzz cut, and I've had it short at lot longer than I have had it long in the time we've been together. He didn't change in his outlook - I did.
So it's a preference, one that I'm well aware of. The bottom line for us is that my hair isn't remotely close to a deal-breaker. There's a lot more to a relationship than hair.
Chris
My hair has been longer than my then dates until recently, so I presume (dear gods I was blind to expressions of interest) the long hair winnowed out people who were interested in me before anything went anywhere.
So, I've never had a date or GF or close friend encourage or ask me to cut my hair. (Not counting: "Did you bring your S&D scissors so I can do S&D on your hair? Light is always the best in a car!") Nor have GFs had any issues or complaint when either I grew longer than they were or they cut shorter than me.
The subject wasn't ever one of my 5 questions I'd want sort out before or during the first date, because it is such a basic aspect of me (like I would never date an religious person). I like Ken's 3 statements too!
Standard disclosure: I am in San Francisco, so people around here who can't handle long hair must have a life of constant dissatisfaction; most of my good friends I've met via affinity groups, and the internet (etc.) so the pool is both selective and widespread.
All the recent women in my life have had hair at least mid-back to thigh length...and socially liberal so less likely to be displeased with long hair on a male.
I had somewhat of a shag when I met my Wife, I was 20 & the drummer in the band where her and her fiance were frequenting on Fri & Sat nites. It was accepted then,after we were married I cut it shorter than usual,she didnt like it. Im 51 now, longer than its ever been, she's always been supportive. She was just diagnosed with breast cancer over the Summer, caught it early no radiation or chemo needed after surgery. Before her cancer if she asked to cut it I would have said no but if she had needed chemo & lost her I would have shaved my head for her.
Hi James,
I just want to say that I am very glad your wife needed no chemo or radiation! Thank God you caught it early and things are well! I say this as a kidney dialysis patient waiting for a transplant. We shall overcome these bumps in the road my friend! Good health to you all!
Ted
My wife does NOT like long hair on men. She has never found it to be attractive.
That being said, she knew that growing my hair is something that I always wanted to do. She encouraged me to do it, before I was too old and didn't have hair to grow. I was 36 when I first began growing it. She had two requests:
1. I didn't grow it longer than her hair.
2. That I didn't have long, grey hair.
I compromised and have the grey covered. But mine is three times longer that her hair now, but I figure she has some control about that on her end ;-)
It took me 3.5 years to grow it waist length. I grew it past my waist, but now maintain it a little above waist.
I know she would love it if I cut it short. But she doesn't bug me about it. And she stands up for me when family makes comments about it. I think she has come to the conclusion that the hair is here to stay.
She tells me that she appreciates that I take very good care of it and keep in good condition. She requests that I always tie it back when we're out of the house, so I do. I don't mind making compromises, especially since she has made a huge compromise.
She met me and fell in love with me with short hair. She encouraged me and still supports me having long hair, even though she would much prefer it short.
I don't think I could ask for anything more!
I loved reading all the replies so far. Some excellent wisdom and advice!
Here's my own go ...
1) how is the relationship between your significant other, and your choice to grow long hair?
Perfect. Apart from me asking her to trim my hair last year and we got carried away. She was even more upset with the result than I was.
2) For those who currently have long hair, was your s/o supportive of your growing it?
My current g/friend was attracted to me BECAUSE of my long hair (plus my style, etc.). I was at a street party and was about to leave when this girl came up to me, started chatting and asked me back to a house party at a friend of hers. If I hadn't had long hair, she probably never would have approached me in the first place - and so we never would have got to know each other well enough to explore deeper things like personality and so on.
3) Would you cut it for your significant other?
Nope! I wouldn't date a girl that wanted me to. MY hair is MY hair. She can either accept the total package or find someone else.
But my long hair acts as a filter anyway. The girls who prefer short hair stay their distance and the girls who prefer long hair get friendly. And since I generally prefer the latter and generally have other things in common (lifestyle, music and other artsy interests), that works out very well.
4) Also, why are so many women against long hair on a man?
Because most women - like most people - are by definition conventional. Hey, otherwise it wouldn't be a convention! They are afraid of not "fitting in" and they want their partner to fit in too.
Most women like to be the centre of attention - with the man's role giving her that attention. That's how the human species works. And her hair is an important part of her image. She doesn't want the man competing with that. Also, opposites attract. Most women like their men to be rugged and manly - and many of them - rightly or wrongly - perceive long hair on a man as too feminine.
The exceptions are rare - but I tend to like those exceptions.
Damon
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I very much like your take on all that, Damon.
On your #4 comment, I'll affirm what you said by mentioning surveys I've seen. They said hooking up with a "good provider" is more important to women than to men. A woman wants a mate that she feels is very employable. A man cares more that his mate be fun to be with.
I've been happily married to my wife for 26 1/2 years now.
There have been times where my wife wanted me to but my hair,
i've flatly refused to even consider it.
After 26 1/2 years of marriage she has accepted that
i'm always going to have long hair, that i'm not going
to cut it, and that i'm always going to wear the clothes I wear.