new thread
Hi MLHH! it's been a while since i last post my hair length update. wondering if most of you still recognize me. hehe. i just wanna share with all of you my latest hair length and i really like my hair length now as i've past awkward length. i'm free from that finally! now i can tie my hair into a ponytail or even high ponytail. comment on my hair please?
average hair length : 30cm / ~12 inches
average bangs length : 28cm / ~11 inches
about the sad news, early in march i'm gonna cut my hair before my semester ends as my dad nagged about my hair. he said my hair's way too long so that's why i gotta cut it this march. but i really like my hair now. please tell me what i can do to avoid cutting it? i maybe considering just trimming a little bit of my hair maybe back to chin length but it's gonna a bit of awkward length. please help?
Congratulations on reaching the end of the awkward stage! I'm struck by how thick your hair is based on the diameter of your ponytail.
It's heartbreaking to think of you now cutting it. I don't understand how someone can harass you for something so personal. I guess it comes down to how reliant you are upon your father at this point in your life. If it's possible to separate yourself after explaining how important your hair is to you and that you must assert your independence, I would do so. Likely, he'll come around in time.
Yes it is heartbreaking.
It also comes down to how strict your dad is. He may be one of these dads who is convinced that men should have short military style short haircuts.
At 59 yesrs old i've seen alot friends go through this over the
years. Some dads do come around but some don't and it may come down to having short hair while living under his roof and waiting to grow your hair long when you have your own house (apartment).
Ultimately it is sad that you have to go through this. I've known many guys who went through this over the years.
Luckily I didn't have to go through it. My mom and dad were
divorced, and mom was ok with my hair being long. There was
one point in the 80s where shs complained about my long hair
but by then I hsd my own house, my own job, I just laid down
the law "this is my house my rules, if you don't like it you can
leave." I never got any more complaints from her.
I started growing my hair long in 1964, I would have hoped that hassling men about long hair would have ended years ago. Alas it hasn't, so the battle continues.
The more I read accounts like this one, the more I see this as a real pilgrimage, one in which we find ourselves and assert our priorities in life. Challenges build our character.
In all things, we need to avoid being provocative or rude. We just need to argue for our own freedom and the fact we are aware of the consequences of our decisions.
We live in a society where the path of least resistance is conformity and keeping heads down. If our hair length means our right to be ourselves, then I think our young friend can have a man-to-man talk with his father about it. Growing our hair does us no harm, does no one else any harm and isn't against the law (yet).
It's difficult to give advice, but this will be a test of this young man's maturity and character - and the tolerance of his father for something that is not morally wrong.
Good luck and stick with it!
* * *
My blog
Your significant other and your hair
A father has authority over a son living at home, and that is an awkward situation.
With a wife, there's more room for negotiation. The essential thing is to keep the hair clean and groomed. I still get occasional remarks like "Isn't that long hair ridiculous!" The only need for scissors is to cut the remarks at the roots - not the hair. Just ignore them. She hated me wearing a hoodie (tenue de racaille - thug outfit), and now she buys them as birthday presents! It just takes perseverance and knowing what we want.
I don't want to seem chauvinistic, but women will have nothing for contempt for a man who gives in. They expect to be resisted when they nag! Being a man is knowing what we want and sticking to it. As it was for the hoodie, it will also be for the hair. She'll probably try again during the "awkward stage". I'm ready for it... It's just as well I haven't told her that I want to go beyond ponytail length!
With one's father when one is young, that is another question. The best thing seems to be negotiating whilst keeping the hair impeccably neat, clean and groomed.
Anthony
My blogYour hair is looking great.
Do you live at home? If so you can try keeping it neat (tied in a pony tail, bun, etc.) and maybe that will satisfy your dad, if not then you may have to cut it while you live under his roof.
The good news is that once you live on your own in your own
house (apartment) you can wear your hair the length you want.
It's tragic that he is making you cut it, but i'm curious why
March? Could he be persuaded to extend that to August or September when school starts again?
Hey there!
Yup, i'm currently living quite far from him because i'm still studying. that's why i've been able to grow out my hair this long. so, when the semester break coming in starting this march, i'll be going back to my hometown and thus, have to trim my hair a little bit to avoid being nagged. thanks :D
If it is only nagging, put up with it, they'll get bored and stop before you need cut.
Hi ahseng,
Your hair is looking so nice here! I am very sad to hear you will have to cut it! I hope you can talk to your Dad and see if you can keep growing. But if you depend on your parents, you might have to cut. I will be hoping you can keep this length at least. Please keep us updated! Thanks for the very nice update!
Ted
thanks for your words. yup, i also want to maintain my hair at this length because i like this length. that's why i'm a bit nervous abut getting it cut this march. whatever it is, i hope i won't have to cut it shorter when i'm going back home this march.
That's awesome.
Why does he think you should cut, let alone why should he presume to tell you?
What career are you going to pursue, that should have a bearing on YOUR thoughts on the matter. Maybe time to stand up to him but perhaps tell us more about 'why' to help you.
Greetings ahseng,
First off I feel your hair looks absolutely outstanding with great color and density.It would be a crime to have to cut it back to short again after all the time you put into growing it out and eventually passing the awkward stage.
Like many already mentioned here a lot depends on how hard headed your father is about this issue.Is he the type of person who can be reasoned with or is he more of the my way or the highway type?We have a member here on mlhh,Ken in SF,who had a dad like that who in no uncertain terms would not allow his sons to have long hair.Sadly if you are dependent on him financially you may have no choice but you could also try refusal and see where that goes.Again it depends on whether or not your dad is reasonable where you can state a good argument to keep your hair.Please let us know how it goes and all the best to you my friend.Cheers
Mârk
Hi Mark
Thanks for your words. that's why i only want to trim my hair just at about chin length back and regrowing it to current length or longer. i dont know. i'm just comfortable with current length because it enables me to experiment and experiencing medium length hair. thanks again.
If you trim at all remove the bangs by having everything at 28 cm. (And even so I wouldn't advise it)
Take a look at the link below. As much as filial piety remains tradition, there comes a time and place where you have to put your foot down and stand up for yourself.
Try remaining silent and don't do anything for the next six months. Either by then he'll realize that his words aren't doing anything, or he'll step it up, in which case you may get a horror story like the ones I linked.
Asian Parent Stories
My parents don't care for my long hair, but I just ignore them mostly, though I try not to be rude about it. I also make sure it is tied back when i am around them, and I usually tie it back anyway. I don't live at home, but i wouldn't cut just try talk to them and keep it in a ponytail around them.
Hi qiang!
i don't know. it's not that my hair's not tidy or neat. it's about the fact that my hair's LONG. if it can be tied into a ponytail it's even obvious that my hair's long that it can be tied up. even if my hair's as beautiful and healthy like those in shampoo commercial and also long like those in shampoo commercial, and even if i tie my hair in a bun neatly and tidily, that's not gonna stop him from asking me to cut my hair. thanks for your advice btw.
Thanks for the great update... I wish you well, it would be a shame to cut, what is the date in March?
I hope you all can work it out.... Take Care.. The Spaf Man
Hey The Spaf Man!
thanks for your words. the thing is, this march is gonna be our semester break and i'm gonna back to my hometown. i rarely home during my studying term as my college is quite far from my hometown. so being at college means i can have the opportunity to keep my hair long. thanks again.
Now if it were me i'd find an excuse to stay st college during the break, avoid going home, and avoid the dreaded haircut.
When I was in college I was on work study and while I could work
15 hours during the semester we had the opportunity to pick up
40 hours of work during the semester break.
Or i'd find a major project to work on as another to avoid the
dreaded haircut.
Yeah it might be nice to see your family/friends during the
semester break but is it worth if you have to cut your hair?
(Especially with how expensive air travel and how many
thousands of flight have been cancelled due to weather. Around here we've had flights cancelled due to storms and people have
had upwards of ten days to two weeks to get on another flight.
We've had many storms the last several months they usually entail
thousands of flights being cancelled, folks sleeping in the airport, etc. Flights right now only fly at 95% of capacity,
so if they have to cancel due to bad weather it can take weeks
to catch up. Welcome to winter in the frigid north.)
Your hair looks amazing! What a change from the last update!
As for cutting it, I know how much that would upset me, so I can imagine you'd feel about the same. Not sure how old you are or if your living at home, but I found when I was 15 or 16 that if I had a logical and rational conversation without getting upset or yelling he would listen. That would be my best advise, let him know how much it means to you and see what happens!
-Tommy
Hey ahseng,
Your hair looks awesome! The thickness of your ponytail shows how thick and full your hair is.
It would be a shame to have to cut your hair. I would suggest that you have a man-to-man talk with your father and listen to his objections to your long hair. I would then suggest that you explain to him that your long hair is important to you and that it is part of your identity. It is your intention to keep your hair long and neat so that it might not present a difficulty to you procuring a position. I would also suggest that you appreciate how much he has done for you and that he has raised you to have strength of character and to think independently. Your long hair is a tribute to the strong and independent man your father raised you to be.
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Hi Raymond!
yup, i really like my hair now in terms of thickness, the length, and the texture. sometimes i even experimenting with a few feminine hairstyles because i'm just obsessed with it. i don't know. hehe. thanks for your words :)
Hi ahseng,
Young guys who have parents that either don't approve and/or don't like long hair on their sons always find it a difficult predicament to be in. I know exactly what you're talking about, because even though I'm a totally independent old geezer now, I was raised by a father who wouldn't even allow my hair or any of my brother's' hair to even touch the tops of our ears or fall over our eyes!
In my case, after a family divorce and my one and only year away at college, I made the difficult choice of leaving my dad's house forever (but also paying the consequence of not being able to finish my college education, since he was the person paying the tuition fees).
Just to make it clear: I do NOT want to give out any personal advise re. what I think you "should" do in your own situation -- only you and you alone can make these kind of difficult decisions! But, just realize that there's an all-important truth here, regardless of whatever you decide: to whatever degree you are still financially dependent upon your father (including whatever amount of college education you are still hoping to receive, and to be paid for by him)....
It might seem very cruel and unfair (and I speak from experience on this topic, as well as I feel that IT IS a very cruel and unfair choice to have to make); but unfortunately, life isn't always all that fair or kind.
But still, you DO have a choice -- just not a very pleasant one, regardless of whatever decisions you end up making for yourself.
Good luck! My best to you!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Very well put, Ken. I suffered a similar path with lots of abuse, and the abuse over my hair was the worst because it was a scar that everyone could see. I made the opposite decision to the one you made; I kowtowed and let my folks pay for my education. When I was older, this gave me the income that led to more freedom and eventually let me have my hair in peace.
Would I have done it that way again, knowing what I know now? Yeah, probably. The worst harm from the abuse came from its effect when I was under age 16. By then, the harm had been done. The harm was severe and messed me up psychologically for years, but it had already been done, and looking back, I realize in my late teens and early twenties, I needed the additional power that having a good education would bring. That power later enabled me to go back when I was even older and succeed in overcoming the effects of the earlier abuse.
Indeed, we don't all get ideal parents. We don't ask for what we get, so we must not blame ourselves. When we are dealt a mixed bag of cards, we must look for the few good cards we got and play those. When it comes to parents, redeals are tough to get, and they usually don't turn out that well. Foster homes or group homes don't turn out better for kids unless their parents were really awful.
It's tempting to look back at one's life and say, "Well, if I had taken that road, my life would have been better." The problem is that "that road" was never a choice. There was no box to check to get it, on the ballot we were handed.
Bill
